Hi, I hope this doesn't break any rules, twice on Reddit I've been silenced this morning because I overlooked the rules and mentioned my daughter and mention I wouldn't mind some positivity 😞 has made me feel extra isolated, my mistake I know. I'm not great at explaining things, so I'm going to type out all of the points I think are relevant and hopefully it makes sense, and doesn't just read like the ramblings of a mad person.
I'm 37, I had my first child when I was 21 she was born very early at 24 weeks as a result she was severely disabled and she passed at 3 years old. Obviously that was really hard to go through and at the time I didn't even want to think about having another child but eventually that changed.
I was in a relationship with someone that wanted to postpone having children (until we were rich which in hindsight was never going to happen) initially I was ok with it because the trauma I'd gone through having my daughter made me a bit scared of having another pregnancy and then when I lost her my grief and depression wouldnt allow me to consider it. But when I was around 28 I really started to miss motherhood, and honestly I just really wanted the chance to give a child everything I wasn't able to give my first, that might sound like a strange readon but it was how I felt. My partner at the time was not very understanding to this, we broke up properly when I was 32. I did accidentally get pregnant once but I believe it was a chemical.
I have been with my current partner for 2 years, he is totally on the same page as me and ready for children. I got pregnant last July and lost that baby at the end of August, and we've been trying ever since. I've had blood tests, everything comes back normal- I was diagnosed with PCOS at 24 but apparently my ovaries look perfect now, I have no signs of it (except the few unwanted hairs I get and maybe thinner hair than I'd like)
My periods are regular, I exercise regularly, try to eat healthily, I'm taking inositol, vitamin D3, CoQ10, magnesium and a multivitamin. After I miscarried I became a bit of a poas addict and for the months following I was getting positive tests every single month around 8dpo - 12dpo.
I'm waiting for my partners semen analysis, the drs have the results but won't give them to him without an appointment and the earliest is the 19th August- this was really frustrating as his doctors fumbled a lot of things over the last 6 months, and have been responsible for a lot of delays in getting the semen analysis. I had a 2nd appointment since January with a gynaecologist yesterday and she couldn't proceed with any plan as she needed those results, but in the call she told me my best option will probably be private IVF, I simply can't afford that.
The previous consultant I saw did mention medication to help my ovulation if necessary, so if my partners semen analysis does come back normal then we can try that, but I don't feel hopeful. I already ovulate, so will that really help me?
I just feel like I'm being timed out of my fertility by waiting times and a lack compassion about my situation. I don't know what my life will look like without kids, the idea depresses me very much, but I feel like I've done all I can do at this point. It feels out of my hands. I guess I'm hoping someone has advice, my friend has suggested Tommy's to me, I've been anxious about contacting them, has anyone gone down that route? Thank you for any help or advice.