Brain fog

[Blossomofhope]

Hi ladies,
We are a few years into our fertility struggle with loss and treatment along the way. Recently I’m finding I just cannot concentrate at work. I can’t seem to focus and get things done like I used to which I’m assuming is mainly down to the stress of everything and knowing another ivf cycle is upcoming.
I wondered if anyone else has experienced this and how you cope. I work in a male management environment where I need to present on work I’ve done every two weeks. I don’t feel comfortable telling work what has been going on but I also I’m not sure what to do to make life easier. Any tips or coping mechanisms?

I can 100% resonate with this, and I found it extended past work to friendships and almost every aspect of life, perspective changing and what used to be important is suddenly not as the fertility journey takes over your entire life (well that’s how I feel / felt)

for the first year or so with work I managed to do the bare minimum to keep my head above water and avoid probing questions, however as months turned to years I found this harder to sustain so although incredibly uncomfortable I did eventually confide in my boss, which was a game changer,I got to points after failed cycles or losses that I would need to take “sick leave” as I grieved, and knowing he new I wasn’t just being flaky and rubbish at my job really helped me mentally, and always allowed me a soft integration back into work, just having 1 person understanding the situation helped me.

i also accepted the fertility counselling they offered which at least gave an a space to speak my mind, leant on my other half a lot to take off the daily load of life in the really tricky times and had 1 or 2 close friends that would be great at just a cuppa and a cry for no particular reason.

it can be incredibly isolating and all encompassing and I’m sorry your going through this too- if all else fails, one day at a time

Thanks so much for your message, I really appreciate it.
The logical part of me knows telling my manager would make life easier but I just feel so weak Everytime I tell someone. I feel like such a failure, I know it’s not right and if a friend said what I’m saying I’d talk them around but it’s just how I feel.

I do talk to my other half and I feel as though he’s really the only person who gets it but he also hates talking about it and would rather just distract himself as much as possible. I feel like he’s just really struggling too but he is able to compartmentalise when it comes to work and I struggle to - possibly because I work from home. I want to hold out in this job until I have kids.

Ive taken very very little sick leave during ivf rounds and miscarriage. For this next round I think I’ll allow myself to just take more if needed but just the day to day is such a struggle. I genuinely feel like this fertility struggle as ruined my life. Thanks again so much for sharing.

It probably won’t make you feel much better (and I mean that in a nice way coZ it wouldn’t for me either) but how you feel is 1000% normal in this crazy unwanted situation and it sucks and it’s not fair!

my other half is the exact same so that’s why I think he likes taking over the physical life duties when I’m really suffering (cooking, cleaning, adulting in general) as he can help without having to get chatty about it.

I have felt all the way through this journey that there should be loads more support out there for people going through this, like in person groups were people in this situation can just get together and normalise our feelings.

im not sure on your exact situation but to maybe offer hope, we had 2 failed cycles and a natural conception mmc in the last 18 months and am touch wood having a successful fet now- miracles can happen

oh that’s good news, I really hope all works out for you.
Ive had 2 rounds of ivf - one failed, one led to miscarriage. Also one natural miscarriage two years ago and a few failed IUIs. I think the longer time it goes on, the harder it gets. I have opened up to friends and family but I’m not sure it even actually helped. I just need the good news to be able to move on. Starting next round in two weeks 🤞🏻