Struggling to conceive after unplanned ectopic pregnancy

[Queenofswords88]

This is my first time posting anything about pregnancy here, I’m just hoping for some support really or to hear from anyone who’s been through anything similar.

In June 2020, during the first covid lockdown (when I was 32), I found out I was pregnant with a copper IUD in place. It turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy and I ended up having emergency surgery to remove a fallopian tube. Obviously the whole thing was very traumatic, especially given it happened during covid so I couldn’t see family and friends and had to have medical appointments/go in for surgery on my own. (My partner spent a lot of time in the hospital car park during the two weeks I was going back and forth to the early pregnancy clinic before I ended up having surgery!)

I’m still with the same partner and we started TTC a little over a year ago with no success so far. I’m now 36 and have one fallopian tube so I knew my chances were likely to be lower than average, but because of all the trauma of my last pregnancy I tried to avoid medical appointments and tests initially. (The risk of having another ectopic is also very scary so I’ve tried not to focus on TTC too much to avoid getting freaked out.) We’ve now got the ball rolling with testing and have a first appointment with a fertility clinic in a couple of weeks’ time.

We found out today that my partner’s brother and his wife are expecting a baby after a very short period of trying and two of my colleagues at work recently announced they were pregnant with their second babies - one of them came to talk to me today about plans for her maternity leave. I feel like I’m really struggling today and don’t really know what to do with my emotions. I’m so sick of not being able to hear other people’s good pregnancy news without taking myself off for a cry - is that normal?! Does anyone have any tips on how to cope?

Thanks everyone!

I'm so sorry @Queenofswords88 , it is very normal to feel like you do. I started IVF in 2020 and after a long 4 years I was able to have a baby, but those 4 years were awful, the triggers of seeing (what seemed like the whole world) with something I couldn't have was too much. I remember once waiting in line for my IVF meds at the supermarket pharmacy and I kept seeing pregnant people and people with babies and I kept looking in different directions to avoid seeing them and then I finally had a field of view that was safe as I was looking at some plants and oversized garden gnomes, even one of the gnomes was holding a baby!! For me I needed to cut out pregnant people and people either babies for self preservation, but it was very hard :( good luck with your tests, I hope you get some clarity and can move forward :)

I understand what you are going through. I've had 2 ectopic pregnancies now ( both tubes) the last one in July 23 was the most traumatic thing I had ever experienced. When they found it in my tube they might as well have told me "you're infertile now." I still have 1 tube but the likelihood of another ectopic is so high that they advised me to just do IVF.
I got pregnant the same time as my friend (my due date was 2 weeks after hers) she has her baby now and all I keep thinking is, where is mine. literally everyone i know is either pregnant or just had a baby, even my 50 year old cousin had his second child a few months ago. It's the hardest feeling in the world and I feel for you.
I wish I could tell you it gets easier but I think it just keeps getting worse especially at our age when it feels like everyone around you is having a baby. I cling for hope that IVF will work, but atm I'm about to start my 3rd cycle and it's not going very well. The only saving grace in this whole nightmare is that I managed to have my son in between the 2 ectopic pregnancies and I'm so eternally grateful for him.
I think you would be best doing IVF asap if you have been trying for a year, hopefully you are lucky and it works well for you. Sorry to hear you are going through something similar, I so so hope things work out for you in the end.xx

Thanks both for your kind messages. My DP is very kind and supportive but the one thing he doesn’t really get is how much it upsets me to hear other people’s pregnancy announcements, see pregnant people and people with babies - he understands why I’m upset about the whole thing in general but doesn’t see why what other people are doing should affect me so much!

I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve both been through / are going through - it’s so unfair that it’s so hard for some people! @Ecas88, very best of luck with the 3rd cycle.

I'm kind of in the same position as you. Accidental pregnancy which resulted in ruptured ectopic almost a year ago ago and haven't been able to conceive since. The only difference is that I already had a child a yr previous.

I'm the same I almost feel like I'm owed a child and I've really struggled around pregnancy announcements especially when people have conceived easily. I'm lucky that I already have a lovely daughter but I really want to give her a sibling.

We've gone through testing, my remaining tube is clear, amh and afc are normal for my age (but quite low for someone in their 20's) but I have quite a few cysts. People, including drs keep repeating to me "you've been in pregnant before you'll get pregnant again" which I find most unhelpful since it's not happening.

We've decided to try for another 6 months then move to IVF.