Hi everyone
So I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant after a previous MMC at the same time in January. Both IVF pregnancies. Today we saw our lovely baby measuring spot on and with a heartbeat but instead of being excited I am left feeling unsupported and alone.
Reason being that on the day we found out we were expecting last time my in-laws arrived to stay with us for 2 weeks (they live abroad) and managed to turn everything I did into something wrong, whispering and bitching and I ended up so upset I just stayed in my room for 2 days in the evenings after work. Real petty things (neither MIL or SIL work so drama seems to be their full time job) for example I bought some sofa throws as my SIL was going on and on about how worried she was about our new sofa with her 2 kids and I made a light hearted comment about hey I got these so you don't need to worry! Then a couple of days later I hear them moaning how unwelcome they feel and how it's a show home and wait til I have kids etc etc (knowing we struggled with infertility).
I ended up spotting the day they left then found out a couple of weeks later the baby had stopped growing.
So they were due back again during my embryo transfer window this time for a full month and after a lot of talking with my DH I decided to send a message basically saying that we were going to be playing this round of IVF closer to our chest as what happened in December was really hard for me and we never got to just enjoy the pregnancy me and my DH because they were there then the arguments then finally once they left it was all basically over. I said no hard feelings but I just need to protect myself a bit more this time and they decided to stay elsewhere with my MIL's twin which actually worked better as they were here to visit their mum who lives 5 mins from hers and an hour from our house.
So fast forward to now, we've now told them I'm pregnant so my DH could share it in person before they returned home and they're now asking again to stay. I expressed again to my DH that I'm not sure I'm ready even this morning before the scan I was having a real hard time scrolling through posts on MN trying to prepare myself for bad news and when he asked pretty much immediately afte the scan (because MIL texted to ask immediately after the scan....) I just said that I'd rather leave it until the 2nd trimester as I'd be more comfortable then and he just lost it. Shouting over me calmly trying to explain and saying I was driving a wedge between him and his family and he thought I'd be 'ok by now'.
I've had to take myself away from him because whilst I can give men a certain amount of grace for 'not thinking like women' or 'not viewing early pregnancy the same' it's just so tone deaf when he knows how much I've struggled mentally throughout this entire thing.
And it couldn't be further from the truth! I encourage him at any given opportunity to check in with them, arrange things with them etc etc I just don't want them at my HOUSE staying with us 24/7 with all the drama that they bring when I want this to be a safe space for me to relax.
I don't want to just back down and let them have what they want because of pressure, it's taken me 32 years to develop some sort of boundaries and even these are just for now whilst we are still in very very early days.
I don't want to be dramatic but we are meant to be forming our own little family that is his priority and it seems as if that'll never be the case for him?
Sorry for ranting on i just needed to vent more than anything! Thanks for reading if you made it this far 😅