Young & infertile - a really lonely journey

[FujiWisteria]

Hi all, I guess I just needed someone to speak to - advice welcomed as well.

I started TTC when I was 31, 6 months down the line, I just knew something was wrong so I paid for a private AMH test which showed a low AMH of 3.3pmol.

Since then I've had 5 rounds of IVF, 3 of the rounds were day 3 transfers and for the 4th round, we wanted to see if the embryo was going to make a blast - which it did, but only as an 'early blast' which didn't take.

I've had 2 HSGs which have shown clear tubes. I enquired about Emma/Alice but they said the standard treatment of care would be probiotics and steroids, so on 2 of the rounds, they treated me as if I had a negative test with Emma/Alice and therefore had Canesflor and steroids, including clexane (blood thinners).

I feel like I have tried everything... I'm now 35 and really feeling exhausted, and so bitter about it all. I have always said after 5 rounds I'll give up, but my parents (think overbearing asian parents) want me to keep going. And part of me does want to keep going, but I don't know if I'm strong enough, or financially well off enough to keep going.

Are there others out there like me? What did you decide? Shall I do donor egg? I don't have anyone to talk to about this, so feeling very lonely - so would welcome any comments. Thank you 🙏

Hi OP, firstly, know you are not alone in this journey. And secondly, you are still quite young so don’t give up hope just yet.

Has the sperm been tested? The reason I ask is because it sounds like your blastocyst rate isn’t very good. The sperm takes over from day 3 so definitely look into supplements for your partner too. On top of the recommended supplements, I also put both myself and hubby on traditional Chinese meds, and ate really healthy for 3 months prior to a collection. We did MACS and ICSI and the blast rate improved: we average 7-8 eggs and 2-3 blasts each round.

I also recommend you look into treatment abroad as it’s a much better experience, in my opinion.

@FujiWisteria No personal experience, but just to say to ignore your parents if you can. This journey takes its toll, and if you feel you mentally, physically, financially want to stop, then that is your decision and they should respect it. It might be worth even just taking a break from IVF for a bit and go do a nice holiday or something to give yourself some time and space to see what you are your DP want to do. Might also be worth doing some counselling sessions if you're now discussing stopping or moving to DEs, so that you are your DP can talk through your feelings about it all.

Best wishes for the future whatever you decide to do

Unfortunately, I also know of this infertility pain. Have you changed clinics and looked for a second opinion?

Different doctors have different approaches. To start with, I would only transfer 5 day embryos, and probably do PGT. This will tell you about the quality of the embryos and very telling about egg quality. Embryologists sometimes are able to tell at day 5 if eggs look really bad. Look into DNA fragmentation test for your husband.

If you transfer 3 or more PGT embryos that do not implant, you may have immune issues and need a Reproductive Immunologist.

You could set yourself a date or timeframe, as in after 3 more stims it doesn't work, then look into DE.

@FujiWisteria It breaks my heart to read your post, as if TTC and IVF wasn't stressful enough, but feel free to reach out if you need any extra support. I completely understand on the asian parents, but in my case it's my husband family and unsolicited advice and passive aggressiveness - trust me when I say - I get it!

How do you and your partner feel about this process in the continuation of IVF? It's such a lonely process where the woman has to go through everything and the man just provides the ingredients - so his commitment to the process is really key to your journey in moving forward if you chose to - physical , mental and financial support to take as much burden off you as possible.

I agree with the other members, are you happy to continue with your current clinic, or would you consider seeking a second opinion? Do you feel like your doctor understands you and is listening and offering adequate answers and reasons?

Not sure how helpful this will be, but my husband and I made some changes 8 months ago when we were still TTC, (we were already no caffeine and no alcohol) but really altered our diet (we're chinese and eat a pretty healthy diet already), but made sure to get leafy green veg and protein every meal 3 meals a day and got those water bottles to make sure drinking at least 2L a day (its surprising how little water you drink). I also switched my multivitamin in January to one with L-methlyfolate rather than just folic acid and saw a huge jump in my blood work (it was already within range but also significantly improved). We then did our first cycle of ICSI in February and got 3 high grade embryos - 5AA x 2 and 4AA despite my age and husbands not so great quality sperm - so while theres no testing to show our changes did impact quality of our cycle - I do believe if we hadn't made those changes we may not have been as lucky.

Did your doctor suggest taking spermadine and using a vaginal probiotic as a supplement during your egg collection cycle? My doctor also recommended this for my egg collection cycle; I had 3 friends currently go through ICSI (Safe Fertility- Bangkok, ABC and Chelsea and Westminster hospital) and their doctors did not suggest this to them - if this hasn't been suggested to you before , maybe another question you can ask.

Good luck whatever decision you make xx

Im really sorry you've been through so much. Firstly, ignore your parents, this is your decision. Appreciate how hard that may be though.

Low AMH some does not necessarily affect your ability to conceive naturally and it taking 18 months+ is normal for some people. At 35 your eggs should still be reasonable quality, your AMH just suggests you have less of them. Considering how young you still are and all you've been through, have you considered just taking a break from treatment for 12 months and see what happens? There are lots of stories of people with low AMH conceiving naturally and you are potentially as likely to have success doing that as you are doing more IVF if you don't have any other known fertility issues. Personally I would park the idea of the reproductive immunology stuff - it's not recommended by the HFEA due to lack of evidence and is probably a waste of money. I personally think it's a bit early to be going down the donor egg route, but of course that's a personal decision for you.

I was told I had a low AMH and AFC (5) at 31 after TTC for 18 months with no success. We had the money spare for a round of IVF so went ahead with it although our consultant very strongly encouraged us to not rush as he said there was every possibility of conceiving naturally. We were very lucky to have our daughter from our first round. We had 3 unsuccessful rounds for a sibling and I have just conceived naturally at 35, 7 months after our last failed transfer and 18 months after starting to try for a sibling. I don't regret any of what we have done, as it gave us our daughter, but I suspect we may have conceived both naturally in the end (just perhaps not when we wanted).

Wishing you luck and sending much solidarity for the stress and upset this all causes xx