Feel I’ve been shamed about pregnancy testing

[Comadot]

Didn’t know whether to write this in the Infertility or pregnancy bit sorry.

IVF pregnancy that a few friends are aware of for various reasons. As advised started testing daily before transfer after trigger shot to see the tests go to negative so could see if any positive was genuine. Friends have asked how it’s gone on as obviously they know when transfer was and that we’d know by now. The reaction was why are we bothering testing daily, it’s a waste of plastic and the environment, and basically they didn’t and I felt so so stupid and nearly ashamed. That testing doesn’t make a difference and we should just wait and see. I understand that not having been through infertility and IVF you don’t get it. That it’s not a happy couple of months with lots of sex and it magically works when you miss your period. you’ve not got a stupid anoint of life savings riding on this and holidays and job prospects are on hold/planned around flexibility for appointments.
That the clinic need to know if it was a chemical or not. That you don’t start your period when on stinking doses of medication to keep a pregnancy going. That urine testing and having to have blood tests and early scans is asked by the clinic, and to be honest I can’t imagine not doing it. Being prepared seeing lines fade if it’s not going to work is going to suck but actually be more useful. I don’t think I’ve got anyone to talk to in real life now. I don’t know what I’m saying or asking, just wanted to write it down I guess.

[MsPeony]

How very insensitive and ignorant of them.

Don’t feel bad about anything. Your emotions and wellbeing come first if you want it to be successful. My friend (a mother now) jokes about how much she used to spend on pee sticks to feel in control. I let myself be selfish if need be, and avoid people who puts me down.

Feel better soon, really don’t spend any more time dwelling on it! And hope you get your BFP!

[Imisscoffee2021]

Ignore them @Comadot . Having a child has a cost the the environment no matter how many sticks you peed on, I certainly used loads! Since having my ISCI baby I've realised how many nappies go to landfill as I lived in a tiny flat when I had him so couldn't dry reusables and now live in an old stone house in Scotland when heating would have to be on all day and night to dry them. Having a baby in modern times isn't eco friendly so your pals are being hypocritical unless they're washing terry towel nappies in buckets of water!

[Btowngirl]

If they’re that bothered about the environment why are they having children 🙄 hypocrites.

In all seriousness though, it’s incredibly narrow minded of them and kind of shows they’ve made zero attempt to even think about the implications and nuances of fertility treatment, never mind research. I’m sorry about that for you, it sucks. Feel free to DM if you ever want to chat! And good luck xx

[Comadot]

Thank you all for replying I really appreciate it. I was telling them as well as we had had some faint positives and they’re getting darker! I know it’s different to an announcement at 12 weeks, or just doing the one test the day you are late, but I was really surprised at the look of near horror of why we were bothering. But they are good friends in every other way and I didn’t understand the stress until you’re on the other side.

I 100% can’t imagine doing minimum daily tests for post transfer until 3+ on a digital/first scan.

[Lozzy000]

Wow how insensitive of them. They clearly require some education on IVF and how to show compassion. Sorry they upset you - people can really lack emotional intelligence sometimes. Don't let them make you feel bad xxx

[Comadot]

Thank you. I really thought I hadn’t over shared, been quite upbeat and positive about what I did share when asked, but I think going forward I won’t give any information unless specifically asked. No one in our friendship group has openly gone through IVF, but I’m aware that is very unlikely and a lot of people will have gone through it with no support. I’ve been open along the way so if I’ve been a terrible friend and missed something in their life, I’ve got a crap excuse. But I don’t think I’ve missed/let anything slide.
It really upset me and I couldn’t put my finger on why, maybe it was because it seemed dismissive?

[Qeswoo]

I think they have been unbelievablely insensitive. They probably don't understand and I don't think you really can until you've been through it but still they shouldn't have said that to you. IVF is hard and you need to do whatever you can to keen sane (I was also a serial tester, 2 or more tests per day).

[Comadot]

They are genuinely good friends and probably didn’t realise and saw it as something funny/thought they were being supportive saying didn’t need to test. I never imagined the level of planning and testing and waiting and testing.
I think it’s because I felt brave telling them and worried the pregnancy would go away if I did tell people, but they knew the date of transfer as I was off. Just really threw me and I couldn’t work out why. Reading MN I assumed it wasn’t just IVF people that were serial testers and that it was fairly common amongst people TTC naturally too?

[Comadot]

In our circle of 4 friends, no one has done more than the standard one test when late and that’s it. So maybe it is the minority on MN posting testing daily!
Maybe they had some losses or difficulties I didn’t know about and it was laughing nervously covering up that with the constant daily testing here.