I’m stuck!! Please help!

[clazbear]

Hey everyone! Feel like I’ve posted on here a few times over the past year and it has really helped to talk to other people so here I am, back again!

For background info…I have done one round of IVF, 2 failed transfers (1 chemical, 1 neg) and 2 frozen embryos left over. Suspected hydrosalpinx from ultrasound scan. I also have Crohn’s disease and have 2 major previous surgeries which I suspect are playing a part in this situation but Crohn’s currently in remission and on no meds.

The clinic I’m with are now refusing to do anymore treatment until I have surgery to remove the suspected hydrosalpinx, they say it would irresponsible to continue with high risk of ectopic. I have seen the surgeon they referred me to and he has said he would not be happy to operate as I am too high risk so suggested I consider surrogacy.

To be honest, I feel a bit floored by this. It is not something I had ever considered, always hoping that IVF would work. I’m also not sure how I feel about it either and whether it would be something I’d consider.

I really feel like I don’t know what to do now. Nothing is moving forward and it feels like we’re at some kind of standstill. Can I override the clinic on using the 2 remaining frozen embryos? Do I get a say at all in this or surgery as long as I’m made aware of the risks or do the doctors have the final
decision?

I am feeling so sad and just a bit hopeless really, we’re 3 years in at this point and feels like I really have nothing to show for it and don’t even know what direction to think about going in for the future.

Thank you if you have even read this far but any advice/similar stories are very welcome!

Hi, sorry to hear you are feeling stuck and out of sorts with your current situation. I don’t know if what I will say will be much help but this is what I would do if I was on your shoes:

my scenario is, I have IBS and chronic ileitis (which have similar symptoms to Crohn’s disease), also had treatment and now under control, no medications needed.
I found that here in the UK doctors don’t do a THOROUGH check to see all that is going on with your body, unless you insist and persist (and have all the time in the world to advocate for yourself), then you are at their mercy for whatever diagnosis they give you. Has the hydrosalpinx been confirmed in your case? Have they done more than 1-2 ultrasounds which shows/confirms the diagnosis? Why is it that the surgery would be considered high risk?

I would go privately for exams and get a second doctor opinion (and go about it without divulging diagnosis beforehand to see if the other doctor picks up and has same opinion about your ability to carry a pregnancy, see if it matches with what the consultant you have seen has told you).

NHS once made a grotesque error on one of my exams and suggested for months that I had to do a blood collection to reduce iron every 2-3weeks, had I not insisted and paid privately to repeat bloodwork twice to confirm my iron levels they would have made me do it and I would been at serious risk of something awful happening to me as in fact my iron levels were low (and not high as they suggested).

my point is…consider surrogacy only if you’ve had MULTIPLE opinions that confirm that that would be the best/safest option for you to bring a baby into this world. Don’t give up on your dream to carry a baby just because 1 doctor/clinic said so.

Wishing you all the very best and hope you get your little miracle soon!

@ViVRe thank you so much for your reply and I think you are so right! I have had several ultrasounds at the clinic but still no one can confirm for definite. Some say it’s on the left, some say the right, twice it wasn’t there at all. The surgeon said he did not know what he would find and thought I was at high risk of perforated bowel and therefore a potential stoma. I would honestly rather not have the surgery if it’s avoidable as I know hard recovery can be etc. I still believe deep down that it is not a hydrosalpinx but something related to my surgery, however I have not yet been able to prove this but I think I need to follow your advice and go for a scan somewhere else.
something the surgeon said also is that ultrasounds are not reliable unless you know what you’re looking for so maybe a different scan is a good place to start! Honestly, thank you so much, I really feel like you have made me see it from a different perspective here!

So sorry you are in this situation. I have different infertility problems but have found that doctors don't know everything so I would say look for different opinions first, maybe even in a different country.

Also, could an MRI confirm the diagnosis? Because technically they are not sure yet.

Best of luck!