Infertility/IVF - do you regret having kids?

[ISDA2020]

Hi guys,

This is a tough question so please let me know if it’s not allowed and I’ll delete ASAP.

My sister is going through infertility treatment atm and it is horrible to see. She’s going through so much.

It makes me wonder- those who have gone through this journey successfully- do you regret it? Do you regret having kids?

The journey was very tough in every sense and I would never go through it again. BUT I do not regret it as I now have my baby boy and love him more than I could express. I just didn’t love the whole IVF process or even the pregnancy.

I don’t understand if you think your sister might regret having kids if her treatment eventually works, or if you think lots of people here saying they regret having had IVF to have children will somehow comfort her (I don’t think it would).

I might regret that I didn’t start TTC sooner, but I may still have needed IVF. There was a kind of internal
pressure after DC was born to not complain after all we went through. I don’t think regret is the right word but I haven’t healed mentally from the process just because I now have a (wonderful) child.

I’m not asking for her - it was a thought that keeps propping up in my mind. She’s going through surgeries, she has had clots, constant medication, injections, procedures and ups and downs of her relationship. It’s so so much.

Perhaps this is what I mean - did having the baby erase everything you went through.

Thank you for helping me understand a little better ☺️

I’m seeing what the process entails with my sister - you’re a strong person! Your little one is lucky to have such a strong mum!

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through and I am forever changed as a result but I have no regrets. If I did not have a baby I would have always had an unresolved grief, I don’t think I would ever have gotten over it.

Having the baby didn’t erase everything I went through but I am happy now.

I found having a newborn harder than the IVF, though we did have a great round and got pregnant on 2nd transfer of first round. I hated TTC and getting nowhere, IVF felt proactive. I had a traumatic birth ending in am emergency section after 5 days almost no sleep and then an unhappy refluxy newborn with no family near so found his first 6 weeks very hard compared, but now he's settled on medication and the right formula its a true joy. I'd do it again to get my son 100%.

@ISDA2020 I think everyone secretly has moments during the newborn stage that are really, really hard, regardless of whether they did IVF or not. I do think there is a bit more pressure not to vocalise when you're finding the newborn stage challenging if you've had IVF.

As a same sex couple we always knew we'd need assistance conceiving. We remained fairly open though to a life without kids if it didn't work out.

I don't regret going through IVF to have our DD, or having our DD. So much so I'm doing it all again 😂