Feeling trapped

[Blossomofhope]

Hi all,
we’ve been ttc for 2.5 years, have gone through treatment and one natural chemical pregnancy and one ivf miscarriage.
Im a pretty strong determined person but I feel so trapped in this process and feel like my life is on hold. I know some people will say take a break, enjoy life etc but I just don’t think I can.
anyone have any words of wisdom? 😂❤️

We’ve spoken before, but hi!

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way - I can absolutely relate.

I can’t remember how old you are, but for me, I said I’d do 4 IVF egg collections in 2 years, then I’m done and can go back to ‘living’. It’s helpful to put a timer on it. At that point I’ll be 34, and if I haven’t conceived by then, my chances are only going to decrease anyway.

I’m finding it hard to live a ‘normal’ enjoyable life - for all intents and purposes, our lives are on hold. Sorry I can’t be of more help there.

Hi OP,

When I first started the journey, I felt like my life was put on pause... everything revolves around the IVF treatment. "Have I done this?" "Should I have done that?" "Should I book this holiday.. what if I am pregnant?"...

Now, 6 (!) collections later, I'm preparing for the FET(s).. and possible failures.

At this very point, I know I have done everything possible, and if none of my embryos work, it isn't meant to be. I will not be doing any more egg collections etc.

Only you know if you have done enough, if in doubt, you probably havent🙂so ask yourself what your limit is.

Hi @MsPeony thanks for your input. I’m really curious, is it the case where you are that you can do multiple egg retrieval without transfers first?

Yes, well when I first started, all I wanted was to transfer asap..in order to feel pregnant again (I concieved naturally but missed miscarried); I was not really informed about banking the embryos first (I was 39 when I did my first cycle with NHS).

My second (and 3rd and 4th) cycle was with Create, where I PGTA my (4) embryos, only 1 euploid and that did not implant. So I was devastated, especially when I learnt at around the same time that PGTA is not 100% accurate i.e., embryos discarded inaccurately.. also a bad experience overall with Create so I was very unhappy in general. I had 2 failed transfers with Create.

I then decided to go abroad and do duostim plan and then call it a day and focus on the transfers. I think for me, I slowly came to accept that it may never be during the process, whilst still clinging onto hope at the same time. I have 6 blasts and a day-3... so hopeful but fully prepared of the failures ahead.

So, if you are only at round one, give yourself some time. Make a treatment plan if you want to keep trying but continue to live i.e., carry on like you are not pregnant.

I also recommend you look into treatment abroad if you are not ready to give up. It's a lot less stressful (more competent coordinators) and much cheaper too!