When to tell supervisor/ work

[Englishrose35]

We are currently trying to conceive with PCOS and male factor - low motility and morphology. And have been told we will likely require IVF ICSI and have been referred although no date set yet for when we will start treatment

I am really struggling with it all and wondered when to most people tell work?

I'm in a job where I have a supervisor who is distinct from my manager and the rota team. They are essentially there for educational and pastoral/ welfare support.

I have a meeting coming up and wondered whether I should tell her about what has been happening - she will likely ask how I am in general and if there are any issues inside or outside of work.

Do you think this is something I should share before starting treatment? - I feel if we end up going down the IVF ICSI path which is more likely, it might be easier to have a conversation now sooner rather than later.

I worry I may burst into tears anyway when she asks how everything is as I will probably find it quite difficult to hide in a 1:1 situation

Thanks

I didn’t tell my work. Once I got my provisional date I just told them I will be having a planned procedure that week and will be off sick.

It’s a personal decision whether to tell work or not but for me it was something I want to keep private until it’s all over

I told my manager just before I started fertility treatment. If you want to keep it private then I do understand not wanting to tell them, but the unpredictability of appointments can make it tricky (you can end up with multiple scans and blood tests, as well as egg collection and transfer) and I do think having some support can be very helpful. I very much hope things work out for you on your first round, but it's also helpful to know that you are classed as pregnant after an IVF transfer and so any sick leave taken after transfer (including in the two weeks following a negative pregnancy test) can be put down as pregnancy-related so it can't affect you for attendance management/performance management etc.

Personally I found my manager to be very supportive and it meant I was allowed to work from home whilst on meds so i could manage the side effects in private. I am really fortunate to work in a public sector job where we have a policy on fertility treatment (paid time off for appointments) and where things are generally supportive around health needs, fully appreciate this isn't true of all jobs.

Hope you can get started on treatment soon and I hope whatever decision you make re telling work, works out for the best 🩷

I also work in a job where I have a separate supervisor for clinical development and g
wellbeing support as well as a manager and overhead manager. I chose to tell my supervisor and subsequently both managers because I was a mess. It was so much easier knowing that if I had last minute appointments or all our breakdowns, someone knew why and I didn't have to worry about lying or explaining myself or worrying about professional impressions. I told them about three months before we started so we could manage each others expectations so that when IVF (ICSI, PCOS and MFI!) started it wasn't an extra thing to worry about.

I told my manager before I started IVF. But I am a nurse and they needed to risk assess me working in a hospital and high risk environment.
It depends how supportive your manager is and if you think you will need extra time off for appointments etc it may just be easier to tell them.
We has IVF ICSI for PCOS and MFI And have a beautiful 2 year old boy after our first round. Never thought it would be me!
We are on our second ttc journey now and it's very hard but not as hard as the first time. Good luck x

I told my boss in advance and he was very supportive and it made going to appointments much easier. I’ve been really impressed with how my work have been through the ivf and my now pregnancy. They have been very accommodating and easy to approach.

The difficulty I found with IVF is it's so hard to know exact times you need off. The clinic will give you approx date for egg collection but it could be sooner or it could be later it all depends how you react. You need a baseline scan on day 1-3 of your cycle but you're at the mercy of when your period decides to arrive! The nurses can plan for you to have 3 scans in the lead up to egg collection but there's every chance the clinic could ask you to have more. I work in a role where it's very high pressure and busy, I wouldn't have been able to book last minute days off/time off without explaining the situation. So I told my managers and they have been really nice about it and it takes the pressure off worrying about appointment times. It also really worked for me because when rounds failed I had a bit of extra support for when I was in a sad place emotionally. Xx

I managed it without telling work. I somehow managed to get scan appointments super early in the mornings so I could go before work (and I live 45 minutes away from the clinic).I took the week of egg collection off as annual leave. I just didn’t want anyone knowing my business. I suppose it depends on your job I can work from home sometimes so it was ok getting home on time to start work. I’m sure they would have supported me if I chose to tell them my manager was very supportive when I was off due to a miscarriage before. Best of luck with your treatment .

I never told work although like a PP can work from home sometimes. It was still a juggle regarding appointments but I used leave for egg collection and rang in sick one day when it was unavoidable. I was so glad I hadn’t told them as it took a very long time it to work so I wouldn’t have liked to be telling them each time I had a failed cycle. It depends on your work and your own feelings about sharing.
Good luck to you all, do what you need to do to get through.