Looking for tips/advice after 3 failed transfers, feeling chewed up and spat out :(

[FernaFrey]

Hi all,

I am feeling extremely down, miserable and beat up tbh. I've had 2 fresh rounds which resulted in 1 fresh transfer, 1 frozen transfer and another fresh transfer ending with a BFN. The most recent cycle I was so so optimistic, did absolutely everything 'perfectly' and 'textbook' and the cycle was even worse than our first. I'd given it absolutely everything- acupuncture weekly, eating well, no alcohol, limited the coffee, got good sleep, taking all my vitamins, been positive, didn't do my intense exercise which I enjoy doing..... and all this resulted in 1 fertilised egg.

We also have been having IVF abroad so there's a lot of effort in the sense of travelling.

The first two trips and transfers I handled it so well but this last one has crushed me. I've never cried so much in my life, and when I picked myself up and decided to have a break and get my life back together I've been struck by a raging cold which has knocked me too. I am never sick and now I am late ovulating too.

Does anyone have any tips/advice on how to take my focus off all this for a bit? It's sooo hard to not focus on it when you don't want to waste a month.

Suppose i'm just feeling teary and low.

I know so many people have more than 3 failed transfers so I don't want to appear pathetic but I still feel spent and scared. xxx

Hi @FernaFrey, sorry to hear about your failed rounds and that you are feeling deflated. I don’t really have much advice to give but just wanted to say that I understand, and send you some virtual hugs. I’ve had two failed transfers so far and to say it’s shit is an understatement. Meanwhile everyone else around me seems to get pregnant so easily.

I’m already bracing myself to demand additional tests if our third transfer fails. Have you discussed extra testing with your consultant?

Can you also think about doing some things that you enjoy or couldn’t do if pregnant/had a kid? Plan a trip or tick off some exercise goals?

@FernaFrey really sorry to hear about your struggle. Hope you feel better soon.

You are not being pathetic, you are fully entitled to feel upset. I also felt like this after my third cycle ended with zero fertilization. It was just too hard to cope. I think it's good to "mourn" the unsuccessful rounds properly so you can move to the new one.

I would say take your time to do things that you generally enjoy but couldn't do during the treatment cycle as PP said. I found that reading and researching on what else can be done gave me hope and a sense of being in control when I felt so helpless.

But most importantly, take as much time as you need. Yes, time is of essence but so is your frame of mind. 🤗