How do I support my friend?

[AFriendIndeed77]

A friend of mine has just had her second MC.

How do I help her? What can I say? I had one MC myself before having my DD, so after her first one I felt like I was able to come up with a few words of comfort and reassurance and hope, but now I don’t know what to say. I feel so desperately angry and sad on her behalf but obviously this isn’t about my feelings!

Also we’re meant to be seeing her and her partner in a couple of weeks, with our DD in tow.. but will that potentially be too painful for them? Should I try to subtly suggest an adults-only meet-up instead?

Any advice gratefully received.

NC for this post as friend may be on MN and don’t want it linked to previous posts.

What a good friend you are for even considering it!

Having had a miscarriage myself, I think there are no right words to say and hear. Maybe just a simple “I am here for you if you want to talk. I am sorry for what you are going through.” Bring her a little gift or flowers. My friends sent me flowers and I have to say it made me feel much better.

I would also ask if she is still up for meeting and don’t get offended if she cancels. I have alienated a friend because it was too painful for me to meet with her and she kept on insisting to meet. Sometimes we just need solo time to grief. If you do meet up, I think just adults is probably better. And maybe just listen to what she says and shares, and share less about your child or nothing at all. It was very painful for me to hear baby stories when I was going through it.

thank you for being a considerate friend to her.