Secondary Infertility - is IVF going to be better than natural TTC?

[Totters123]

... And feel like im falling apart.

This cycle, (18 months trying, but cycle no 12) has been particularly brutal because it is the last one before we will have to try IVF - and I had lost the weight, had the HyCoSy scan, done my ovulation tests and taken all the vitamins. I really hoped we might be in luck. But just had a negative test after TWW.

Ive had a bruising experience getting a diagnosis and experienced a lot of shaming by medical professionals, particularly around my weight and because I was briefly on Sertraline for PND. I have a very, very high AmH rate (92), 38 follicles on my left ovary and 21 on my right. Apparently this means I have severe PCOS, in the top 2% for my age. Im 33. I had no idea anything was wrong because My husband is fine, we had our daughter four years ago by a very happy accident (I know, I know) but now all her friends have siblings and she is very vocal about wanting one too. Its hurt our marriage, we deal with pain differently and his 'shutdown' response to difficult emotions has been hard for me, when Im someone who needs to feel supported.

I was told to lose weight, which I have and my BMI is 33 (from 35). I dont know what else I can do and I feel like such a failure. I also cant help but feel like im being punished for all the things that are wrong with me; my weight, PND, waiting a while after our first, a stressful (rewarding) full time job, the years of taking the idea of a family for granted.

I dont know if anyone else has experienced the same - it feels endless at the moment. Is IVF any easier? Stupid question I know, it cant be 'easier', but is there any better aspects? Standing at the precipice of it, it feels like a hopeful time, but I dont know if hope is going to help me.

Hi

I wanted to drop a message to say I completely get the desire to have another baby - secondary infertility sucks. I honestly thought if I could have one baby, i'd be happy and now here i am desperate again for number 2.

We also have been trying for ages! What was your doctors recommendation? Mine recommend trying letrozole or clomid to try and ovulate first? I don't ovulate anymore for some reason although my AMH is much lower than yours - it's low by anyone my age standard.

However my BMI is 33.5 - after having my DS it went up to 41 but i've slowly reduced so only know too well how hard and challenging it can be. Keep going - every pound makes a difference, however don't beat yourself up either. I'm sorry you got shamed about your weight. People much bigger fall pregnant and you know what my doctor said even losing a little bit helps so fundamentally what more can you even do?

it's unrealistic to expect someone to go from 35 to 25 in short time and sit and wait to see if this happens as we all know life happens in between too.

I'm sorry you're here. The distress associated with secondary infertility is totally valid. Well done for taking some positive steps already by losing some weight. In terms of IVF, yes it can help feeling like you're taking charge of the situation. However, make sure you research and keep in mind how poor the success rates are. It's very unlikely the first go will work, or even the second for many. On average it takes 3 transfers for a viable pregnancy but that is no guarantee. It's a tough ride but being as realistic as possible from the outset is best to help manage what for most is inevitable disappointment along the way. Best of luck.

Thanks both for your responses, its really helpful to hear from others who understand when you otherwise feel alone. Although difficult to hear, it does manage my expectations that IVF doesnt likely work the first time round. Im sorry to hear youve been trying for a while as well Optimistic66. Its really draining.

I have managed to get my cycles to be more regular but they are 38-40 days average. Im never sure if or when I ovulate. I will have a round of Letrozole for ovulation stimulation, but im waiting for the clinic to get back to me, they arent great tbh. We are still with the NHS as I have PCOS but soon they wont be able to provide me treatment - so we will have to go privately at some point.

If youve any recommendations for treatment, medical, private, alternative, let me know.

I'd highly recommend Robert Winston's 'the essential fertility guide' and his website the genesis research trust. Both contain well evidenced and realistic information to help you avoid false hope and wasted money. In terms of private clinics will depend on where you are based but we are with Kings Fertility in London and I would highly recommend them.

We had our daughter via IVF in 2021 and are several rounds in to trying to have a sibling. She also talks constantly about having a sister or brother. It is tough and I'm staying hopefully it will work, but also starting to reconcile myself to the idea of us being a family of 3. Therapy is underrated and under mentioned when it comes to fertility treatment. It's a really tough process so if you can afford counselling to support you along the way I'd highly recommend it. Good luck.

I'm also at Kings fertility at the start of our journey, having a hycosy today and hopefully next period (which at this point who even knows when it come? maybe like 40 day) will start clomid (as recommended by my consultant) hopefully this will work but if in 6 rounds it hasn't we will then look at IVF

Very draining and i definitely wish it was as easy as i thought it would be at 14.

Thanks both thats so helpful, I really hope you both get to have you second ❤️

I did have therapy but in the end had to stop as we couldnt afford it, I would go through the NHS but know it will be a long wait.

Just an FYI on the HyCoSy scan that I went on my own and I wish I had asked my husband to come with me as it was more painful and invasive than I was expecting (although everyone reacts differently!)