Enough is enough?

[Cariadxx]

How do you know when to give up?
Struggling with secondary infertility for 2 years now (I'm nearly 40). 6 early losses and been prescribed sitagliptin after seeing prof brosens which may or may not make a difference. We've decided to give it 6 months and then just accept our lot. IVF is not something we want to explore. We don't want to keep going indefinitely because a) the mental strain and b) increased Downs risk. Part of me is looking forward to not having that psychological f*ck that is the 2ww, actually living my life and making plans again, and part of me is desperately sad that DS will never have a sibling and the awful pnd that I sorted will be my only experience and I'm so full of regrets that I wasted my maternity leave being sad and not enjoying being a mother.

I see so many people trying for years and years with zero success and I just don't know how people do it.
Just wondered how other people came to this decision and how they coped?

Hi there, I don’t really have advice as such but my story is very similiar down to the PND. We have one ds from our first embryo transfer 4 years ago. We were extremely lucky that it worked first time and had a beautiful baby. But I got really terrible PND during my mat leave and struggled to recover from it. It took 6 months to get on an even keel again and another year before we were over the shock of the experience. We really had to discuss if we would be able to risk it all again and finally decided we would.
Fast forward 2 years and two failed FETs later, we’ve just done a fresh cycle which we promised would be our last. Currently on day 2 post ec and only one grade 1 embryo … so have to wait til Thursday to find out whether it’s viable. 🤞
I am also so torn for all the same reasons as you, I just turned 42 and when I look back infertility has really impacted the last ten years of my life. We are so lucky to have a healthy happy child and I don’t want infertility to impact his childhood and our time with him at this time.
But at the same time I am heartbroken he doesn’t have a sibling and I don’t get another chance of enjoying being a mom to a baby.

Sorry I can’t offer any constructive advice apart from empathy and understanding of your situation ❤️

It's so difficult isn't it. I was TTC with my ex for 2.5 years and the pregnancy ended in MMC at 11 weeks. With my current partner we were TTC for 6 months, and had another MMC at 10 weeks. I'm about to start cycle 8 of trying again since that loss and losing hope. IVF isn't an option for us, I'm 35 and I want to make a decision at some point because for many reasons ideally I don't want to be having a child over 40. Me and my partner have talked loads about it as it's been impacting me so much mentally (and he appreciates my journey is way longer than the part with him). We're giving it until July/August, so 1 year since the latest loss and then we're probably going to start counselling to help us make a decision. It's a big one because it could mean living our lives childless which is never something I even remotely imaged might happen.

It's so reassuring to find people who can empathise as DH just can't and doesn't get it on the same level. I don't think the mental impact is the same for him. I see so many people going for years and years and I am in awe of their mental strength but I don't have it.