Quitting high stress job while ttc / going through IVF?

[wonderingwonderingwondering]

Hi all. I was wondering if anyone has been through this and has any advice.

38f, 39m, ttc one year now. We started fertility investigations early, which revealed low AMH (10), a polyp which I've since had removed via hysteroscopy and most recently high prolactin which I'm getting referred to endocrinologist for. OH's SA always revealed low motility about 6 months ago, he's been doing all the vitamins etc and going in for a repeat in a few weeks. I want to be very proactive about next steps and am ready to start IVF / ICSI as soon as all of these investigations are done.

Other health issues for me recently: I've been experiencing pelvic pain the last few weeks and am back into the gynae next week for examination. I've also been diagnosed with ADHD by a psychiatrist a few weeks ago after years of struggling with focus, executive function, inability to self manage and burnout in multiple high stress roles. I'm also due to get married in 6 months, so between that and all these health investigations, the next few months are going to be busy.

Meanwhile, last year was probably the most stressful and mentally difficult year of my career to-date. I got promoted to VP Sales 18 months ago at a very chaotic, fast-growth startup, and it's been the busiest and most stressful and under pressure I ever have been in a role. It exasperated the executive function / ADHD to the point of rendering me almost dysfunctional at times and my mental, as well as physical health has really suffered. I can hand on heart say that I hate it and am filled with absolute dread at the workload facing me going into a new financial year and all the strategic tasks ahead of me. I also get little support internally as my founding team is very inexperienced, and I find the total lack of structure and processes deeply triggering of my ADHD.

My OH is deeply supportive, has hated to see me struggle and is in full belief that I need to just quit the job and focus on my physical health and the wedding planning for the next 6 months. Financially, we would be fine albeit eating through savings considering the wedding, IVF etc.

In my heart of hearts, I know what I simply can't continue the way I've been living, burning the candle at all ends, and know that my health needs to be the priority. I feel that in my body and like I'm near breaking point.

But I'm so worried of making a bad decision that I would regret. Or that would damage us financially for years to come, even if we would get by on one salary considering OH has a great income.

Has anyone faced this same dilemma while TTC? Could really do with an outsider's perspective, as my head is all over the place with this one.

I was in a similar situation recently, and while I didn't go as far as quitting a job I dialed my work priorities down, gave up a promotion to focus on IVF and health. I am pregnant now but do sometimes worry about my career which definitely slowed down.

@wonderingwonderingwondering I have a highly stressful job and just knew I couldn’t continue with it while going through ivf so I put a sick note in from when I started the injections. I have no regrets and know it was the best decision for me. I’m now 26 weeks pregnant and always wonder if we would have had a positive outcome if I was still rushing around stressed at work. I went back to work when I was 12 weeks pregnant and have been doing much less than I was before.
good luck

Thanks for the feedback and insights, it's interesting to hear about other people's experiences with this.

I'm not even at the IVF stage, but am dealing with hormone imbalances, pelvic pain and other health issues and all of the appointments and referrals and exams that come with that. I'm already struggling to juggle those appointments with work, and more importantly am worried that the stress of my job is contributing to them. I feel so rundown, lethargic and anxious at the moment.

I've thought about going on sick leave, but it feels like kicking the can down and I'll inevitably just double the stress for myself when I come back and have to pick up on everything I've missed. I also work as a VP Sales so there's no world in which "stepping back" without stepping down can feasibly happen. The job is inherently chaotic and stressful.

Hi, (sorry this is a long post and just my thoughts) I suffer with high Prolactin levels and have been through 4 endocrinologists and am now on the third set of medication (there are no others to try after this) for how high my prolactin levels are. Without a doubt my work is one of the reasons for my high prolactin levels which has in turn directly impacted my fertility. In my previous role I was about to start IVF and the drs stopped me undergoing the round because my Prolactin levels were so high even though I was on the same dosage of medication that individuals with cancer are given to lower their Prolactin levels. It was only once I left the team I was in and changed the medication I was on did my prolactin levels go down (they are still not in the normal range) but I was then able to undergo two rounds of IVF. My current job is stressful and my prolactin levels are going back up again (I have to have blood tests regularly). Which is something my husband and I are reviewing before I undergo IVF privately. If I could go back I would leave the previous job I was in far sooner and it is a regret of mine that I didn’t. If you can leave and are able to find something better then do it. They truly won’t matter at the end of the day where this is something that could be life changing for you.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience @Lexxiv , and I'm really sorry for what you've been through, it sounds so stressful.

I was with the gynaecologist yesterday and she signed me off work for a week and a half, she could see I wasn't well. The health anxiety has been taking a toll on top of the stress of TTC, hormone imbalance and now this persistent pelvic pain. She ran and scan and has referred me for an MRI for the pain to investigate for endometriosis, no cysts were identified but the ovary that's causing all of the pain was hidden. So now I've got two MRIs lined up as well as waiting for swab and urine results and an endocrinologist appointment.

I have never been this ill before and can't ignore the fact that my work life has been more stressful in the last 18 months than ever before. The timing is terrible work-wise, but as you mentioned, something life-changing like this requires a realignment of priorities. I'll be devastated if I can never conceive, and it would be so much worse if I have a question in my head as to if my career contributed to that. So i'll take my leave, try to find some balance in my life and then when I come back i think my days will be numbered tbh.

I was in a stressful job for 2 years whilst going through fertility treatment. I had a bit of a breakdown and went off sick for about 4 months, after which I ended up quitting the job.

I now have a different, less stressful, part time role.

I do feel upset about it in some ways, that infertility is having such a wide reaching impact on my life. But I have had therapy to help me accept my own limits. I'm also lucky that I have a very supportive DH.

It sounds like you know it's time to take a step back. There's no shame in that.

Fellow ADHDer here (diagnosed in my early 30s) who can relate to the stress and overwhelm of trying to do all the things all the time, including TTC!

I too have been contemplating taking a step back from work whilst on the TTC journey, aware that my high stress levels are exacerbating my PCOS. I tried to reduce my effort at work but now my work has become so boring (boredom is the ADHDers kryptonite).

The problem is I only do good work when I am stressed, pile on the pressure and create unrealistic deadlines for myself. That has been my unhealthy way of managing my previously undiagnosed ADHD for decades. When I previously told my boss I was stressed and they reduced my workload my ADHD brain just went on holiday and I struggled to do even the most basic tasks.

My main reservation about the career break idea is explaining to others, like family and friends. I mentioned the idea to my mum and she thought it was extremely drastic and would ruin my future career - especially as I have been flaky with jobs in the past. But to be honest I want to be a mum more than have a snazzy career.

There's also the maternity leave - if I quit but then get pregnant immediately (or during my very long notice period) I'll be kicking myself for missing out on what is quite a good maternity package.

Hubby and I are going to try a couple of rounds of IUI whilst I am still working. If we have to move onto IVF then I'll be taking a break because I've read Bump in the Road and IVF sounds horrific, high risk of ADHD meltdowns!

Hi @CatmumTTC , thanks for sharing your experience. Really helpful to hear from someone who's also dealing with the challenges of ADHD. Getting diagnosed has been a total eye opener for my life in general, and I definitely am the same as you in that I need urgency and fires to get things done. Which is probably why I am where I am - in a high stress job and trying to balance so many things, with some fertility issues that may / may not be caused by said stress!

It's interesting that you're deciding that IVF is the point at which you'll take a break from work. I'm struggling in general to manage all the fertility / gynae appointments while working a demanding job and while also planning a wedding, I can't imagine things getting even more stressful. I'm also aware now that I've been dealing with undiagnosed / untreated ADHD for almost 40 years now, and that's allowed me to be a bit more compassionate with myself. Not only have I hit my limit with stress, I hit it long ago and am barely surviving atm. Myself and my partner have decided that I need to quit this job next month and take some time to focus on fertility and wedding stuff, before launching back into the workplace.

Hi @dragonwind . That was quite validating to read. I totally resonate with what you said about how far-reaching infertility is. I was so ignorant to the ttc journey, and it's been a really, really hard year. But it's also been a leveller, and like you, it's helped me to see what's really important.

@wonderingwonderingwondering yes you certainly have a lot on your plate! I got my ADHD diagnosis at the start of wedding planning, really knocked me for six but I did end up paying for ADHD counselling to help me with processing my diagnosis and it helped massively. Ended up having a much smaller wedding and being much happier for it! I think all brides-to-be should treat themselves to therapy 🤣

Are you trying ADHD meds? I've decided to come off meds because they mess up my cycle and cause me to lose too much weight, both of which not compatible with TTC.

I think my decision to take a work break for IVF is it's more the amount of meds, injections, hormone changes and mood changes. Also think I could get a secondment for IVF for maybe a few months, without having to quit. Otherwise TTC is very open ended and could take years, when would I go back?

My job is nowhere near as bad as yours sounds. I have flexible working as one of the accommodations at work for my ADHD so appointments have not been a problem for me. And there haven't been that many appointments for me. I've managed to do most consultations online, so I've only had to have one scan and a HyCosy in person.

Sounds like you've made the right decision. Put your health first. The only thing I'd say is without work I think TTC can be a bit all consuming so once wedding is out of the way definitely find some other hobbies or maybe freelance bits and pieces to keep you busy but not stressed!

Best of luck!

I guess, age is an important factor too. If you have 5-10 fertile years ahead of you then maybe no need to rush and make drastic career changes as TTC can indeed take years. If the window is smaller than maybe a short career break is more reasonable. Although, after each failed cycle or surgery, I felt thankful to have a job to focus on. I do genuinely enjoy my work though and have some control over stress levels.

Thanks both.

I'm going to be 39 in a few months so age is definitely a factor. I've been in such an internal conflict about quitting this job (I also have a three month notice period to consider and getting married in 4.5 months), but the thought of being 45 and never having conceived or had a child and wondering if staying in a high stress job could have been a factor absolutely kills me. Where I've landed is I need to prioritise my health and fertility NOW and that involves reducing the chronic stress of the career role I've been in, and it's bloody impossible to do that from within. I work in a start-up and run a sales team, so there's no universe in which there can be work accommodations for me or a more structured, civilised work day in this particular role.

@CatmumTTC Trialling medication is the next step for me following the ADHD diagnosis. I've done a lot of research and not found anything definitive about the impact of stimulants while TTC, psychiatrist has said if I get pregnant I'll have to come off then but nothing about ttc. That's interesting to learn about your experience though. If anything like that happens for me, I'll be coming off them anyway. The ADHD has become really disruptive in my life and has almost certainly been exacerbated by the work stress and infertility stress, so I'm definitely prioritising treatment in these next few months. I can't live with not being able to get things done when things are so increasingly busy in my life. I'm glad to hear counselling has worked for you though.

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