How much to tell work

[Lucylaughing]

Hi

After some advice please.
How much have you told your work about IVF treatment? We have our first appointment with the clinic in the new year and it's caused some discussion between me and my OH.

Work leave policy states that we need to inform our line manager before embarking on a course of medical treatment and specifically lists fertility treatment as an example - as it will necessitate absence and/or flexibility.
But I don't want to be first in line for redundancy should the situation arise. I know this is not technically allowed but let's face it, these things happen. I've had enough experience with redundancies to know that often companies pick who they want to let go and then find the rationale afterwards.
Thanks all

@Lucylaughing hey, I would maybe check with acas (or LRA if you’re in NI) because it doesn’t sound right that they can force you to tell them?

I am hopefully going to be vague with my work and just say I’m under going a procedure and need some check ins to see what they say and maybe get signed off between EC and test day if I can. I’ve had a few appointments so far and have just said I have a hospital appointment, I wouldn’t usually feel the need to specify what it is for!

we really don’t want to tell anyone until after our treatment so if our families don’t even know I can imagine telling work

@180monkeys thanks for the reply, that was my immediate thought is to just say it's a hospital appointment / procedure and not elaborate unless I have to.

I guess I can use holidays for some things as well, especially in the first 1-2 rounds (if we need multiple, just being realistic) then may have to re-think. Also quite conscious I never take any sick days so it wouldn't be totally inappropriate to self-certify and just tell them I had a normal illness.

@Lucylaughing yes I’m thinking along the same lines as you with time off etc but as you said may be easier with the first round but I don’t really want to think past then right now!

do you know when you are due to start treatment?

This is such a tough one. I can only give you my experience- I told my work everything and they've been the best - time off for all my appointments, everyone being behind me - wanting to understand the process etc. It's honestly been amazing but I can understand not wanting to say anything.

You have to understand that there are so many appointments, I don't know what kind of work you do or the clinic you're using but some are not flexible, will be quite short notice, some you have to go in every day. Plus feeling grim with the medication, mood swings and generally low mental health days - sometimes you just need to take a day and if work know, they can support/move work to others.

Anyway, I think you should give them a heads up at least, it might make the road better for others in your situation and like you say, they can't make you redundant because of it - that would be a problem and you could easily take legal action if they did.

I didn’t tell work anything and had multiple rounds of IVF over several years (and finally a successful round).

I assume people who are having sex to make a baby don’t tell work, I cannot see how they can even have that intrusive policy about telling them.

I had scans in the morning, used a combination of wfh and annual leave. For one egg collection I self certified, for others I used leave, for one I worked from home that afternoon (would not recommend this but I wasn’t granted annual leave due to ‘important’ meetings and didn’t then want to say I was sick after asking for time off. Now I might just say I had a procedure and stuff them).

I would see how initial appointments go, how far away is your clinic. Many like to scan early in the morning so they can make decisions about changes to medication doses.

If you decide to tell anyone I would expect discretion. I think that any pregnancy-related sickness doesn’t count and you are protected in the days after transfer? Someone more knowledgeable should hopefully come along to this thread.

Good luck with it all.

Thanks @LongerthanMrTicklesarms @Lyrabee both of you for your detailed and useful answers. Obviously there is no right or wrong way to go about it. I thought there might be accepted wisdom!

I'm thinking I might say that I need a procedure but not any more info than that - if and when I feel like I have to. I do work from home but also do quite a bit of travelling to and from meetings, so I'd need a reason to turn those down and it would seem pretty negative if I was being awkward / declining meetings at last minute without giving a reason.