Anyone else dread Christmas?

[bahhumbug2023]

I've always loved Christmas until these past 4 years!! Why does everyone think it's a great idea to announce pregnancy at Christmas it ruins it for me- gosh that sounds selfish! I know I sound bitter but 4 years of infertility for no apparent reason does this! There always countless announcements on social media around the festive period and it totally drains me -I am happy for other people truly but sad for me! That's not the worst of it though it's the family events with 2 sisters and a SIL with kids (1 sister and SIL are younger than me) and/or expecting it's the whole 'you're next' or 'when are you going to have a baby' or the time ticking comment I'm 35 -that is the hardest! Only my parents know about struggles and IVF failures so seeing extended family is horrible but I'm too embarrassed to tell them really!! Even my whole friendship group all have 2 kids there's 8 couples in that group they all have 2 kids! This now means I dread Xmas!

I'm dreading it too, add to it the fact that as an adult Christmas doesn't quite feel the way it did as a kid. The last 2 years I've invited a friend who doesn't have any family around to join us, cause if we have a guest then I have to pull myself together and make the most of the day. But I remember in the run up being really upset about decorations specifically. I hadn't decorated, so it doesn't feel like Christmas, so I'm sad. But whenever I tried decorating I just thought how all of that is mostly for kids and I don't have any, and it made me too sad to continue.

This year its all a bit different, it'll be the first Christmas with the whole family around (we live in 4 different countries, I'm the only one that moved to the UK) and I won't have to worry about decorating because not only are we going "home" for Christmas, but I'm moving back forever (in order to have better access to healthcare and fertility treatments after the NHS has basically said they're done and if I want IVF come back in another year or go private but then don't come back to us at all).

We always planned to leave the UK when our kid would be around 2 and we'd start planning the 2nd, if I had gotten pregnant when we started trying that would pretty much be now.
So far the joy that it'll be a family Christmas and that I'm finally leaving a country that I've actually started to hate over the last 3 years are keeping me going. I know I'll have a really rough day at some point over Christmas because my cousin will be giving birth around that time and while I've had lots of people announce pregnancies and births on Facebook while I've been trying, she's the first one I actually talk to and see in real life.

I get you 100%!! this year I really don't know why but I've got just got this awful feeling that BIL and wife are going to announce pregnancy on Christmas day. Theres no kids in DHs side of family yet so everybody would be over the moon.

But I'm actually thinking of reasons we can make up so that we don't go to theirs on Christmas in case this does happen. I feel like I sound super crazy but i just know I would break down and cry on the day in front of people and I couldn't cope with that. The in-laws don't know of our fertility struggles. DH doesn't want them to know as they are not very supportive type people, and more likely to just be judgmental. Safe to say we don't see them very much lol.

Christmas is a time of seeing scan pictures with Christmas hats and hilarious jokes about no I didn’t eat too much Christmas food I have a little pudding in here. Fake plastered on smiles from me and if a tear breaks through then pretending it’s because I am just so happy for them.
And all the family get togethers and remarks about Christmas being for the little ones and wouldn’t you like to have a baby before you get much older. Fun times.

I’ve had a few Christmases doing IVF each injection just another reminder.

@Omgdnswv good luck with the move , it sounds like a step towards being happier

I try not to look on social media over Christmas. It’s not going to make you feel any better.

One year DH invited some people from his work who would be having Christmas alone, one of them was pregnant, I was ready to clonk him on the head with the turkey, luckily they all decided to have a big Christmas Eve do at another colleague’s house and didn’t fancy all being in each other’s company again the next day (pretty international group for whom Christmas Eve was the big event).

Lots of people are putting a brave face on at Christmas for all kinds of reasons, if you can avoid some situations do and if there are some you feel you must attend don’t be hard on yourself and have a get out plan. And if there are some you might enjoy give those a try and hope you do have some fun, albeit not what you really want.

I've been going through infertility for 4 years.

It is hard when people announce pregnancies but at the same time, I can see why Christmas is a nice time to do it - families are often together etc.

It's hard not to feel resentful but I do understand it.

I would love to announce my own pregnancy when all my family/ friends were around to celebrate with me.

It is one of those horrible, horrible things about infertility that we have to deal with these things, sometimes very quietly when others don't even know what we are going through.

OP, do you have any emotional support or people you can talk to? Counselling has been amazing for both me and my DH helping us get through this. It's very hard x

Just checking to see if we all survived? I took a break from social media over Christmas so hoping I missed most of the announcements still had a close friend that had a baby just after Xmas but think the baby bump is harder to see than the baby -she is cute after all! Got a load of Merry Christmas or happy new year from (their family name) with a family picture of the couple and their children all smiling in matching PJs and stuff -that made me a bit sad! I want this!!!!

@bahhumbug2023 I absolutely get what you mean about the bump being more difficult to deal with than the baby! 2 of my best friends have had babies in the last year and I found them being pregnant much harder! I love their babies! Also found it so hard all the happy family posts with matching PJs! It's so unfair but just got to keep reminding ourselves it will (hopefully) be us one day! X