How do you know when to stop?

[moosey89]

For multiple reasons, IVF and other assisted fertility procedures just aren't on the cards for me and my partner. As context I've had 2 miscarriages at 10/11 weeks, and both times took quite a long time to get pregnant (we're talking multiple years). My current partner doesn't often ejaculate through sex so we do home artificial insemination each month.

After lots of discussion with my current partner, he's said that essentially it's my body and my decision as to how long we keep trying for before we call it a day and look at adoption or if we would be childless. Whilst I still have some hope of conceiving, how will I know when to stop if it just doesn't happen, or if I go on to have more losses?

I'm so worried I'll always regret stopping and think it was too soon but the heartache kills me every month. Everyone going through infertility and loss you guys are strong as anything, I don't know how you do it. I first tried for a baby 8 years ago, and I never thought I'd be where I am now, but I want to be pragmatic and have to start thinking that my life and family may look different to how I imaged it would.

Just feeling rather alone with it all as no one I know has fertility issues or is childless not by choice so any advice or thoughts would be really welcomed right now x

when you and your partner (but led by you) agree that both emotionally and financially - the time has come to stop this focus

have you pursued any professional involvement or tests?

Really sorry for what you’re going through @moosey89. It’s hard to give advice when we don’t know the full context. Have you been for tests? Do you know the reason for your infertility / subfertility? Nothing is forever - could you see it as a break rather than stopping completely and see how you feel after you’ve had some space from it?

@Afteropening yes I've had 2 lots of full fertility testing all of which came back totally normal.

I've also got an appointment with a miscarriage specialist consultant in 2 weeks time.

Hi OP, so sorry to hear you're going through this. I think the only person who will know the right time to stop is you. There are many reasons that someone might stop trying they might reach their limit physically, emotionally, financially, we are all different and with different circumstances and I think you will know when it's too much to keep on going. There is no harm in planning for or discussing the future with your partner even if you haven't stopped TTC at present. It might be worth waiting for your consultant appointment before making any decisions and maybe take a break from TTC first as suggested earlier

Would counselling be an option for you? It might be helpful in terms of processing feelings and emotions around this.
It's not clear from the post but has your partner had investigations as well? Some sperm issues can be improved with lifestyle changes or procedures if it hasn't been looked at already. X

@Natw22 thanks for your reply. Unfortunately my AMH is on the low side so time is of the essence, and taking a break isn't an option really.

It's a good idea to discuss the other possible futures sooner - and I do definitely need to go back to therapy about it (have had therapy on and off for various things over the years, it's always been helpful to me).

My partner has had tests and they've all come back with good results, so we don't think it's male factor. He's really supportive and has sort of gone along with all the tests etc as he knows I'm more into the researching etc! It appears to be just one of those unfortunate, unexplained things.