Insensitive husband

[Emotss]

7dp5dt and BFN this morning. My husband asked me for sex because he thinks the transfer hasnt been sucessful. Now, I'm contemplating divorce as he just isn't there emotionally. This is my third transfer and I'd expect more understanding from him re. my feelings. Am I being unreasonable?

When I expressed my upset he just stood there silent and said "sorry you feel that way..." I'm not sure how to continue this journey with him at this point in time.

Oh that sounds so tough for you xx I'm really sorry you've had to have that conversation with him especially at the moment xx

Also 7 days may still be a bit too early for the hcg to be detected. I waited til 10 xx

Are you joking? Its a bit dramatic to go from wanting to have someone's baby to divorcing them?! The comments obviously aren't great but perhaps he's struggling. Infertility can affect people in different ways. I'd suggest you see a counsellor.

Hey @Emotss, you’re going through a lot together. Three cycles can be hard, and while I am in the camp it’s only BFN on clinic test date, you and your husband might be feeling disappointed. He may be wanting to connect and be close to you through sex and you might want to be closer to him through emotional support, and in this moment of disappointment you had disconnection.

I’m with @SErunner - please avail of the free therapy support from your clinic. It’s a really hard process and facing infertility even if resulting in pregnancy is really impactful on you as individuals and as a couple.

It may always be he hasn’t met your expectations emotionally but that is a skill that can be worked on and again therapy witll help you figure that out.

Hope today is a better day for you.

Thanks for responding. It’s the cracks that are showing up. First transfer/ miscarriage he was making jokes about it 2 weeks after the loss, second failed transfer I broke down and he didn’t check in. I brushed them all off, this transfer - I tell myself to focus on the small things he does for me and realised it’s not a lot to be grateful for. He has always been on the thoughtless side but I’d expect more for this journey. His inappropriate jokes/comments are making me question why we even got married, I definitely did not see this side of him previously.

I have suggested therapy and he had no comments. I’m sure he will go if I ask but chances are he is just going to sit there silently. I can’t get through to a woodblock and it’s not that I have not expressed my frustrations. I am in this completely alone when it comes to my marriage.

This is really hard for you- if he isn’t being supportive through this situation then I get how you feel alone.

A skilled therapist will be able to help - and if he stonewalls then they’ll be able to help you make decisions that put your needs in their rightful place.

It might seem like an odd thing to say - but it won’t get easier if you are successful. You will need him more if you have a baby and while it is a tremendous blessing your relationship has to be very strong to parent together. It is worth really talking before more treatments.

Wishing better days ahead @Emotss.