IVF-very stressful TWW

[JLB234]

Hi all,

I had an embryo transfer last Thursday and since then I feel like all I have had is a massive amount of stress.

My brother’s girlfriend has had a baby. I tried to go to see her and had to leave because I couldn’t stop crying despite obviously being happy for them. We drove up to a rural weekend away in the middle of Storm Babette and my heart was racing the whole time. I’ve now just had a massive argument with my Mam because she can’t get her head around the fact that I’m struggling to be round the whole family because of the situation with my brother.

Have I messed everything up because I’m so stressed? Any similar stories positive or negative would be much appreciated. I just feel such despair and feel it’s going to fail again and it will all be my fault 😢.

Thanks,

Jenny x

I genuinely think it’s the meds. I’m a very chilled person and the TWW had me up and down with emotions and I had anxiety over little things which is so unlike me. I think your hormones are all over so don’t be too hard on yourself

@JadeAC thank you so much for your response. I feel like I’ve never cried so much! I’m getting ridiculously angry over the smallest of things as well. I’m glad it’s not just me!

Hello @JLB234 I had an ET on the same day as you, so also here in the middle of the 2ww, it is hell.

There's no way I could deal with visiting a relative with a newborn right now, that sounds like a very specific kind of torture for women in our position. I put up the little blurry scan picture they give you up on the fridge and immediately burst into tears and have absolutelt zero patience for anything right now.

I agree with pp, I'm sure the progesterone is contributing to the stress and anxiety and it's not even like we can have a glass of wine in the evening 😂😭

When is your otd? Do you have any good ways to distract yourself in the meantime? Xx

It’s horrible isn’t it @Triselly? Yeah, not ideal timing. We’ve got 3 siblings between me and my husband and they’ve all had babies between April and now so I feel like we’ve just been fighting emotional fires this year. No one really understands either, do they? They say they do but then have a go when you can’t handle it.

My OTD is Tuesday but I feel like I already know what the outcome is going to be. When is yours? How are you coping with it all? Is this your first ET or have you had any before? Xx

I feel like it’s driving me completely round the bend. Yeah no one understands, even those I am closest to will say things which make me realise they don’t have the faintest clue. It feels so isolating.

Are you able to just sort of socially hibernate for the next few days? Avoid seeing family and having to pretend? Honestly you sound very strong, putting up with visiting newborns during this time, there really is no way I could do it without crying at everyone as soon as the door opened, I’m sure!

My otd is a blood test on Monday, but I am gonna do a hpt on Sunday morning just to prepare myself. This is our second full round that’s gotten to the 2ww stage, our first in April/May resulted in an ectopic pregnancy and emergency surgery, I don’t think I’ll ever get over it really.

I don’t know if I am coping with it all really, I’ve been working part time during this cycle so been going on lots of walks and things. Actually something I did do which has been kind of helpful is take out a magazine subscription to read online - then whenever I am getting a bit stuck in worry-loops or dr Googling every twinge, I have easy access to a nice distraction. I don’t know if this would be your kind of thing but I’ve found it quite helpful.

How many rounds have you done so far? Do you have any previous children? Hope you’re doing alright this morning, sending a hug xx

@Triselly Yeah, I think we might have to. I’m going to see my Mam on neutral territory today but that’s more just to sort the argument out as I can’t sleep when things are hanging over me.

I’m keeping everything crossed for you for Sunday/Monday. I really hope it’s a positive and a healthy pregnancy going forward.

I’m so sorry to hear about your ectopic. It’s an awful thing to have to go through and I’m sorry that you had to deal with it. We’ve got no children unfortunately. Do you? We’ve had 4 early losses before starting IVF and then our last ET resulted in a BFN so feel very much like we’re still very far away from achieving that dream.

Great idea about the online magazine subscription too! I am a sucker for Doctor Google so seems like a good way to distract yourself. I’ve found that arrowwords and crosswords have become my best friends. It’s the only thing that I feel like will engage my brain enough not to think about it.

This is our first full round but with a second embryo. We’ve been trying for nearly 4 years due to all of the losses though so it just seems relentless, doesn’t it. I really hope you’re feeling ok this morning too? It’s a really tough time for us. I’ll be thinking about you xx

Im going through the same thing, my boyfriends sister is parading her baby on social media, and texting endless photos daily as are most of my friends and cousins. I'm already thinking about what I can say to spend Christmas alone because I have no hope in the transfer I had on Sunday and I can't stand being around people who make comments like "So do you not want children?"

I'm cycle 3, 4th transfer and pretty fed up :(

Good luck to everyone, you're not alone!

@Bran90 I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling as well. It’s really hard. Me and my husband have already decided that we’re not doing Christmas this year. We’re not putting a tree up and we’re going to stay in on the day and get a takeaway. I don’t think you need an excuse. Just the fact that you’re looking after yourself.

Good luck to you too. Here if you want to talk x

@maygodbless we have had 4 losses and one embryo loss, the first of which was due on Christmas Day. Christmas Day will never not be a sad day for us. Toxic positivity is as damaging as negativity so please don’t tell someone who is going through infertility to cheer up. I hope you never have to experience the loss that so many of us have had to and if you do, I hope no one is ever as insensitive to you as you’ve just (I’m hoping) unintentionally been to us.

@JLB234 how did it go talking to your mum? Did you manage to sort things out? I hope people are being kind to you and recognising that you’re under a huge amount of stress at the moment ❤️

No we don’t have any children either. I am so sorry to hear about your losses, it sounds like an absolutely heart breaking journey so far.

@Bran90 hello fellow 2ww-er! I agree Christmas can be such a difficult time. Would being honest about your ivf be an option for you when relatives ask thoughtless questions?

I have to admit I caved and bought a couple of poas tests today, one for tomorrow morning. I know it’s crazy but just so I can prepare for bad news on Monday’s otd. I know 8dp3dt is very very early but waiting 11 days so far honestly is quite impressive for me.

Thanks so much for asking @Triselly. It went well and I feel a lot better about it now I feel like things are a bit more settled.

I don’t think it’s crazy at all. At the end of the day, you’ve got to do what’s right for you and if that means testing early to prepare yourself then that’s absolutely fine. Here for a hand hold before/after the test if you need it. Got everything crossed for you x

Glad to hear that you’ve settled things a bit with your family, that must be a weight off your shoulders. Do you think they understand that being around newborns etc is very painful for you/all of us at the moment?

My poas test was very negative this morning. It was a sensitive 10miui/ml (or whatever the measurements are) as well. I have a hunch that this round has failed, and I know it’s early to get a positive but it’s still painful to see.

I don’t think they understand but they’re more accepting I think. How is your family/social situation? I’ve just realized that I talked all about my absolute s**tstorm and hadn’t asked you. Very rude of me!

I’m sorry that it was negative. It’s still very very early but it still never makes seeing a negative test easier. I hope you’ve done something kind to yourself today/can do something nice for yourself tonight xx

My partner is deeply embarrassed by the whole process as it's the result of surgery he needed as a child, he has grown up feeling different and this has reopened some old wounds. It means very few people know what we are going through :( I'm not 11 days post 5 day transfer and negative official test isn't until the 4th but I'm pretty sure I'm out how is everyone else getting on?