Starting 10th IVF cycle

HelterSkelter224 · 2023-09-12T22:45:19+00:00

My period has just started which means it's time to call to begin my 10th IVF cycle. I'm so incredibly lucky to have a daughter conceived naturally after 9 failed cycles but starting this cycle has brought back all the trauma of those years and the back to back failures and losses, and I am lying awake dreading every minute of what's to come 😢 I'm not really asking for any advice just needed to get that off my chest. My husband just doesn't get it at all and I feel very lonely going through this.

Original poster

HelterSkelter224 · 12/09/2023 23:47

I should say I know it's insensitive of me to complain when so many are trying and hoping for one child. I'm so sorry and I hope you get what you're wishing for x

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Sunshinebytheseaside · 13/09/2023 07:30

I’m about to start my 8th and feel like every failed cycle chipped away a little bit of me. I can’t imagine your successful pregnancy undid all of that damage so it’s no wonder you’re feeling apprehensive. But you’re obviously resilient to have got this far so just keep reminding yourself of that! Best of luck for your treatment.

Sherr33 · 13/09/2023 09:44

@HelterSkelter224 I feel like so many of us apologise for our feelings but tend to forget we are human. I understand how you feel lonely during this process. I am awaiting to start my first cycle. I have an appointment next week to discuss this. The appointment falls on the 20th which will also mark 5 years since my brother passed away. It feels like life on one hand and death in the other. Im going to be very emotional but its so hard to explain to my partner. And I feel like I'm constantly researching whereas he doesnt and I just wish he was sat with me from time to time to discuss all these nitty gritty things. Or how he feels or ask how I am feeling. I wish you the best of look for this cycle.

AvocadowithToast · 13/09/2023 18:01

Honey, you have been through an awful lot of trauma!! I so sorry for this. It must have made you such a tough cookie to be going back and keep trying and I have so so much respect for you and oh my gosh how strong you must be! We are on second ICSI cycle. First cycle had 2 losses at 8w and 10w pregnancy and there is so much pain there and also anger at anyone that says to me "at least you could get pregnant". It is so cruel and so difficult for people to understand and say the right thing. You are remembering the grieving and hopefully you will replace it with hope soon. It might take Egg Retrieval day to feel that hope or you might just find it in a few days time once you have got used to the injections but I really hope number 10 is lucky for you!

Original poster

HelterSkelter224 · 13/09/2023 21:09

Thanks for your replies. I just had the mother of all arguments with my husband, I just lost it at him. I was upset this afternoon because I was hoping to do a natural cycle (no meds) and that's looking unlikely, and he said to me "it's just a few weeks and I know it's not very nice but it'll be over before you know it" and I lost my shit. I know he didn't mean to hurt me but it did just confirm that he has no clue what this shit does to me. Said he's struggling to cope because I've been moody all week.

First scan tomorrow at 11.30 for a modified thaw cycle. 😢

Good luck to you all with your own journeys x

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Original poster

HelterSkelter224 · 13/09/2023 21:15

AvocadowithToast · 13/09/2023 18:01

Honey, you have been through an awful lot of trauma!! I so sorry for this. It must have made you such a tough cookie to be going back and keep trying and I have so so much respect for you and oh my gosh how strong you must be! We are on second ICSI cycle. First cycle had 2 losses at 8w and 10w pregnancy and there is so much pain there and also anger at anyone that says to me "at least you could get pregnant". It is so cruel and so difficult for people to understand and say the right thing. You are remembering the grieving and hopefully you will replace it with hope soon. It might take Egg Retrieval day to feel that hope or you might just find it in a few days time once you have got used to the injections but I really hope number 10 is lucky for you!

I am so sorry for your losses and I completely understand how frustrating it is when people say that. That must have been so hard 😢

Good luck with your 2nd ICSI cycle, I truly hope everything goes well for you.

Thankfully for us there is no egg retrieval this time it's a frozen cycle from our last full fresh cycle.

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Original poster

HelterSkelter224 · 13/09/2023 21:16

Sunshinebytheseaside · 13/09/2023 07:30

I’m about to start my 8th and feel like every failed cycle chipped away a little bit of me. I can’t imagine your successful pregnancy undid all of that damage so it’s no wonder you’re feeling apprehensive. But you’re obviously resilient to have got this far so just keep reminding yourself of that! Best of luck for your treatment.

Oh I'm so sorry you've been through so much as well. I completely feel that each cycle chips away at you. I hope your 8th cycle is your last and it works for you x

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Original poster

HelterSkelter224 · 13/09/2023 21:19

Sherr33 · 13/09/2023 09:44

@HelterSkelter224 I feel like so many of us apologise for our feelings but tend to forget we are human. I understand how you feel lonely during this process. I am awaiting to start my first cycle. I have an appointment next week to discuss this. The appointment falls on the 20th which will also mark 5 years since my brother passed away. It feels like life on one hand and death in the other. Im going to be very emotional but its so hard to explain to my partner. And I feel like I'm constantly researching whereas he doesnt and I just wish he was sat with me from time to time to discuss all these nitty gritty things. Or how he feels or ask how I am feeling. I wish you the best of look for this cycle.

I hope things go well with your first appointment, it can be very daunting but just make sure you ask all the questions you have and please take care of yourself. It's hard when you don't feel you are getting the emotional support you need.

And I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. I feel those dates are important and hopefully it's the start of creating a new life.

My daughter was born on the due date of the first baby I lost back in 2015.

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Sherr33 · 16/09/2023 08:02

Is anyone else's having issues following the infertility thread? Mines showing up in weird symbols i can't even reply or click on anything