Not pregnant yet again - do I approach ivf?

[lavenderz]

Yet again I am not pregnant. We tried more than ever this month too and felt convinced we would be pregnant ☹️

I always get spotting before my period for roughly 5 days and the spotting has just arrived again.

I've got a blocked fallopian tube and I don't know how much more I can take of this it's killing me. We were told that natural conception would be 'no problem' even with the blocked tube but it just isn't working. I don't have any other problems apparently - no endometriosis etc.

When did you know enough was enough and decide to do ivf? I'm so scared about ivf (I'm a huge wuss) but I can't mentally take much more of this.
Do I go straight to private or should I try and get on nhs waiting list even though they only offer one round to my area? I'm almost 31.

Sorry for the long rambling message - I just don't know what to do anymore.

Sorry to hear about your struggles, each month seeing that negative test is heartbreaking.
We initially started trying 7 years ago, I was only in touch with the GP to discuss my issues after about 9 months. The issue was my periods were extremely light and lasted just a day or so, after being referred to the hospital it was discovered that I had an issue with my prolactin levels which medication resolved within a few months. Levels returned to normal after a few months but still no pregnancy. I'm thinking it was Endocrinology that referred me to gynecology rather than the GP at that point. It probably took 3 years from the time I seen the GP to gynecology but a lot of that was the prolactin issues, then trying again thinking all was resolved (which it wasn't).
There was a lot of issues in the way once referred such as Covid then longer lead times etc but from seeing the initial IVF consultant to starting treatment was about 8/9 months.
Its worth looking into, asking your GP to refer you and checking out the wait time. You might only require the 1 go. However, if you can afford it then go ahead and start when you can. On the plus side you do have age on your side (I was 38 when I started so the pressure really was on lol).
Regarding the actual process, I was extremely lucky that I didn't feel pain or have any awful side affects throughout the treatments but everyone reacts differently.
I suffered more with the mental side of it rather than the physical.
Good luck :)

@SH998

Gosh 7 years - I'm so sorry - I'm around a year and a half (we stopped trying for a bit due to laparoscopy).

My referral for my laparoscopy took over a year - and I was already in the system! My surgeon afterwards was so confident I'd conceive naturally but I just have this gut feeling that I won't.

Physically with ivf I'm scared of pessaries and internals more than the injections - which sounds SO pathetic. I have problems getting a smear as I just can't relax and it ends up being painful.

Thank you so much for answering

@lavenderz its worth speaking to your GP and asking for a referral and checking times, if in the meantime you decide to go private then there's no harm.
All dignity goes out the window with IVF, I used to dread smears now an internal is the norm for me lol. I can honestly say it has been a completely pain free experience, all internals are handled gently, a smear is more uncomfortable for me than any IVF internal I've had. The pessaries have been ok once I knew the best way for me, I use them rectally as I find less irritation and mess but its what works best for you.
Whichever way you decide to go will be the best outcome for you :)

Heyy. I have my face to face appointment with my consultant because most of my conversations have been on the phone. I'm a bit apprehensive about trying ivf, I've been told we will be having ICSI. So I booked a final face to face before we go on a start date. I thought this way I can ask everything I need to about it all. I'm not keen on the pessaries either. I just feel so wary as I don't want to cause any other issues. I was wondering whether they did them in injection form as I wouldn't mind that to be honest.

@Sherr33 good luck with your appointment :). Make a note of as many questions you need answering.

They do progesterone injections but I'm not sure they will give the full dose in injection form. I'm on 1 x 25mg progesterone injection plus 2 x 400mg vaginal pessaries. Taking these were the least of my worries, I was just glad there were doing the job they should be.

@SH998 oh so you have to take them in pessary form either way. I just don't want to disturb the PH balance there or is that me over thinking things a bit too much!
Sorry im not sure where to read everyone's mini bios or if there is such a thing on this site, I don't want to ask anything too sensitive :-/ how far along in the process are you?

@Sherr33 Each clinic have their own rules, procedures and own recommended dosages but I'm fairly sure that you will be given these. Iven never spoken to anyone whos had VF including people on this site who hasn't had them. There may be some who hasn't due to maybe health reasons maybe but the general rule is you have them for each transfer.

Ask away and get as personal as you want lol, that's what this site if for and I've learnt so much from many people by asking sensitive questions.

I've just turned 40 and have unexplained. I'm currently 11 weeks 2 days pregnant with my first, this was my 4th transfer so its taken us a while to get here but hoping this is my happy ending :)

As you can imagine there's been a lot of tears along the way but its definately all worth it when you get the happy ending you want :)

@SH998

Even if I contact a private clinic will that jeopardise my nhs round?

Thank you so much - you hear so many negative stories about the physical effects of ivf so it is nice to hear a positive one.

Do you think I should be going for ivf or should I give it a little longer? 😬

@lavenderz being in contact with a private company shouldn’t be an issue, I was only told at the time I’d be unable to have NHS IVF if I had previous IVF treatment but again all areas are different.
My thinking was I would use the NHS free cycles as there’s no saying it would have worked and I would have still had to pay for further private treatment which can cost a lot of money.
The good thing is the hospital seem to think there’s a chance you will catch naturally so they don’t see any further issues with you.
If it was me personally, I would enquire as to a referral and wait times via NHS and get on the waiting list and keep trying naturally in the meantime.
Ive heard so many story’s about people getting on the list and they catch naturally before that time as the stress has somewhat gone and your body relaxes and works naturally.
The problem with IVF is there’s no time limit or guarantee, some people are lucky enough to catch first time others have numerous cycles to get where they need to. x

@SH998 SH998 aw congratulations how are you feeling?

@lavenderz lavenderz my worry was I'd have life long issues if I go ahead with ivf but at the moment it looks like my only choice and ive read so many success stories I am thinking a lot more positively about the whole process. I do have my days where the doubt and fear creeps up but im just going to take my clinics advise and go with it. I'd say get the ball rolling through NHS because it is a long process.

@Sherr33 so so happy but extremely anxious. I think I’ve worried about one thing or another since my positive test so the stress doesn’t end when your pregnant lol 😂
We all go through so much with the process that it makes a pregnancy all that more special and delicate.
Every day is a milestone and I’m getting closer to they ‘official’ 12 week scan but in my case I’ll be 13+2

@SH998 it must be so unreal at times. But all the more magical. I understand I dont think I would stop worrying until after labour. I stress so much about everything. I think it makes it slightly better if you have a partner whose supportive and invested. I sometimes get upset at mine because I feel like I'm doing all the leg work. And then never mind the other issues we have in our relationship that doesn't help either. I'm feeling a bit down today. Do apologise. And its not even anything related to babies its just everything else. I hope @lavenderz @SH998 you're both well.

@SH998 I get you, life/relationships are tough enough as it is without the added stress of IVF. It does take a toll on a relationship, me and my partner went through a very bad patch at the start of the treatment as he just wasn't sympathetic or understanding how stressful and upsetting it was for me. However, this year he's been absolutely amazing and is the one who talks me around when I'm emotional or being irrational, I think, same as me, as time goes on and the more IVF you have the more we both learnt so he was then aware its not as straight forward and simple as he expected it to be.

I will be stressing every day until the baby is here safe and sound.

@Sherr33 above should have been you tagged not myself lol

@SH998 I hope my partner pulls his socks up. I havent even started my treatment yet but it just bothers me that he hasn't looked into the process or won't sit and decide which hospital to go with for EC and ET because I need to let them know at our appointment next week. And I don't want it to come back around to me if it ends up being a hospital with crappy services.

Can I ask have you had any names in mind? Do you know the gender?

@Sherr33 i was lucky I wasnt given that option as was NHS so I suppose a lot of the stress was taken away as we didn’t have to do comparisons on success rates etc. To be honest my partner would be crap at choosing stuff like that so it would have fallen onto me which probably would have caused more issues between us. I’m sure which ever one you choose will be right for you.

Dont beat yourself up if the services are crappy, I’ve read most IVF hospital services are lol. Mine was great in all fairness so I can’t complain.

Yes we have both a boy and girls name chosen, it’s early days but it’s the only ones we agree on so it’s unlikely to change. Frankie for a boy and Nelly for a girl. I don’t know the gender yet but I will be finding out without fail lol 😂
We have said from the beginning it’s a boy so that’s in our heads but I would be absolutely over the moon with either sex.

@SH998 yes I think because of that it does bother me and I end up snapping at him. Just wish he showed more interest or was involved. Maybe when we start our cycle he will be.

Aw thats so cute. Will you be doing a gender reveal?

How is everyone today?

@Sherr33 I'm sure he will be more supportive as time goes on, once he sees what your putting your body and mental health through he will see how difficult it is. My partner was the same but changed as time went on. I'm sure your will be too.

No I wouldn't be doing a gender reveal, I don't really like being centre of attention so standing in front of people popping a balloon would be my worse nightmare lol. I'm not putting anything on social media about the pregnancy either, I have absolutely no issues with others doing it and it is so lovely to see other post announcements and celebrating but each time I seen those posts my heart used to break a little more as it wasn't me in that situation. I would rather try to prevent people feelings and not post, if that makes sense.

If time is on your side I would get an NHS round if you can. The tests alone cost a fair bit. We did the tests, 2 rounds and 1 FET. I think we are about £16K down. Can't actually bring myself to add it all up but it's eye watering and often you need more than one round. If you have a lot of spare savings maybe private but I would try and go for max amount of rounds you can get in case you need a few. Best of luck x

@SH998 I understand what you mean. I thought doing something small just you and OH as a little memory. I am already thinking about it myself haha I havent even started my cycle bur why not.

I did speak to my partner to see what he was feeling he said he's cautiously optimistic. And I was just honest: I felt nervous sick and scared. I have so much fear about if it fails then I wonder how it will impact our relationship:-(