How to cope with TEC and 2WW

[PTdream]

Hi all

I am a mum of a 19 month old, conceived through the precious help of ICSI. We have one frozen embryo, and transfer is tomorrow. The first journey was mentally hard (the all pregnancy tbh, I am a positive person but during the process noticed that from a personal perspective I can be very pessimistic). I only told friends that I was pregnant at around 22 weeks. I am now finding it harder I have to say. Before it was something that I wanted but now it is something that I want even more. Not sure if anyone can relate. The fact that I am 41 may play a role too on how I feel, the chances decrease as time goes by, unfortunately. My partner is happy with only one child also. He is going for it as it is something very important for me but if this transfer fails I know that I am kind of on my own in terms of sadness and frustration (and he is an amazing partner). The fact that I will have to pick up my child also stresses me a bit. She will stay at the grandparents for two nights (the night before the transfer and the night after) but that is it. And although I may try to avoid picking her up the first couple of days it is something that will definitely happen.

It would be great if you could share what things you have done during this process to help with your feelings. Any recommendations would be very much welcome. Would meditation help, for example? It is not something that I have ever done. I normally ‘regulate’ mentally with running but something I can’t do during this period.

thank you and best of luck on everyone’s journey.

@PTdream I'm sorry you're finding this hard. It is hugely traumatic but we mostly ignore that as we are so focused on results. I had counselling via my clinic that helped a bit but it's really just a matter of getting through it as best you can.

Mine was the same age when I did my first "sibling" transfer. I told her mummy had a baby tummy and couldn't lift her. I had to a bit but I limited it by getting her to climb a couple of stairs before I lifted her or getting her to stand up on the swing (with support from me!) before I took her out. She climbed on a bench before I lifted her to put her in / I figured it was less strain picking her up from higher.

Obviously an exaggeration but men often seem to care less than women about these things. I found support online.

Best of luck. Be kind to yourself. It's very hard.

@PTdream agh sorry my typos are awful today. I didn't tell her I had a baby tummy!!! I told her I had a BAD tummy!!

@PTdream I did my first attempt at a sibling when my little girl was 15 months old. I'm a solo mum and there is no option for anyone else to lift and carry my daughter. My clinic said that there is no problem with lifting and carrying her after transfer / while pregnant. What they advise against is doing something that your body is not used to, e.g. suddenly starting lifting weights or adding lots of exercise in.

I carried my daughter as usual after transfer and it was successful. Unfortunately I had an early miscarriage, but that is most likely due to age (over 40 when embryos were created) and definitely not about lifting my daughter.

In terms of the emotional side, I find journaling and meditation really help me - the mindful IVF app is great as it is tailored to all the different stages of the process (and I love the guys accent!). Good luck