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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

When is it time to stop IVF

2 replies

Hpp123 · 02/08/2023 19:09

Hello, I’m new to mumsnet but would love to get some advice as seems like there’s a good balance of advice/truth spoken.
i’ve been TTC for 6 years now. I suffered récurrent miscarriages and chemical pregnancies for 3-4 of those years. I went to my GP but was fobbed off, due to losing all my pregnancies before 7 weeks, I was told that it was most likely genetics or just nature that was causing problems and was even told at one point that it was because I was old (I was 35 at the time).
i ended going to a private clinic, who although expensive have been thorough and given me good service and have produced genetically normal embryos (have 5 euploid embryos still in the freezer) but found that I have immune problems which seeing as everything else is normal seems to be the problem (wish I could go back to my GP and tell them to be mindful of this for the next lady that comes along like me).
I’ve had 4 failed embryo transfer so far and with the 6 years of trying as well as my father dying this year and a couple of serious family illnesses I feel exhausted and am now wondering if I should continue.
ive put a lot of my life on hold and have had to isolate due to immuno meds I’ve been out on, which is causing problems at work as well as not being able to see friends, not to mention the mental burden of repeat failures. I’m pretty robust but I’m starting to feel the years, I’m 39 now.
Has anyone got any advice. I feel like I need to look at my future without children as it’s looking less likely it’ll happen, plus my bank balance has taken a massive hit, causing further stresses. I believe I could be happy childless, I’m active, love to walk, and like my own company. I worry more that 5 further failed transfers and 20k more debt would be more detrimental at this point in my journey.
thanks :)

OP posts:
HopefulHead · 03/08/2023 06:37

I’m so sorry you have had such a tough journey and 6 years is a very long time
to have put your life on hold ☹️
Your narrative sounds like you already know you’d like to stop treatment and draw a line but maybe just need some validation that it’s the right thing to do.
I have only done one round of ivf that spanned from January - July this year (something went wrong at every stage and I’ve also had a lot going on this year which contributed to it stretching out accross 7 months) and me and DH have already said we want to put a pause in it for the foreseeable as it’s it is just too hard after 2 years + of TTC & fertility treatment, so I can’t imagine how you must be feeling after 6 years, it is a long time to have put your life on hold.
if you know you can see a happy life without kids then that is more than half of the battle, I think you just need to grieve for the 6 years that have been lost and the future that you will be giving up on, but only you know what is right for you.
I found the childfree board on here quite helpful with lots of women talking about all the great things they can do without having children.

Wishing you luck with whatever you decide ❤️

LAURAPAX · 02/07/2024 10:37

I’m sorry OP. Feel like I’m in a similar situation although not been on the journey as long as you. What did you decide in the end? I hope all is turning out well for you Xx

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