Pregnancy while friend goes through infertility

[insoftplayrightnow]

My gorgeous lovely caring best friend is having a difficult time, 3 back to back mc’s and has started fertility treatment progesterone and metformin. Everywhere the girl turns someone is pregnant, especially in her close circle.

I had a MMC earlier in the year (already have DC1) and I am now pregnant again.

She is expecting this, and to be honest I think she ‘knows’ but she has just gone on holiday for 10 days. When she gets back she is home for 4 days and then we (me, her and 5 other girls) all go for a weekend away.

She has already messaged me asking for a private message when the time comes to tell her I’m pregnant (of course fine) and that she has distanced herself from pregnant people / newborns and that seeing and being around pregnant people is making her feel sick. She has asked for conversation not to be around babies.

I am lonely, and desperate to tell people but worked up about the best time. I have sickness, belching the usual first trimester stuff. I am 10+2 today. I will be 12+2 I won’t be drinking or going in the hot tub. I am eating a diet of beige food as I have bad indigestion. I can’t hide the fact I’m pregnant I highly doubt.

My plan is have a scan on the day she gets back off her holiday and tell people then, I can’t wait to share it’s been a tough first trimester.

I feel so guilty, it’s eating me alive.

Do you think I should offer to sit out the weekend away? Give her time to be with her girl friends without feeling sick and triggered all weekend?

The one girl I have told thinks this is a bad idea, would make an obvious rift and make her feel more guilty.

It’s a real mess, and selfishly I am coming to terms with ‘losing’ my best friend as she has to protect herself which hurts, but I can of course understand why.

What a lovely and thoughtful friend you are ! Thinking of your friend at all points and even thinking about not going on the weekend. Do the others know about what she is going through?

There really isn't a good time to tell her so I think the quicker you tell her, I e before the weekend the better. She will have time to adjust. You can still go on the weekend of course: friendship is a balance between two people and also it's important to celebrate your pregnancy.

I wish you luck : you are a really nice friend

What a lovely friend you are
I've been though infertility and 5 years later we have our miracle baby

Personally I would tell her asap, brief text and i would still go on the holiday and wouldn't offer not to but maybe tell your friends to keep the chat on the down low ? She can't expect you not to talk about it

I've been your friend and I would prefer upfront and honesty x

I'd actually message her in the last few days of her holiday (only if you are comfortable yourself to do so before scan) to give her a bit of processing time.
I'd keep the pregnancy chat for other friends. But you can't control what the others say on the group trip and there is always someone who would rub her nose in it or make her feel worse, friends or not, that's what I have found.
In your friend's shoes, I would cancel the trip anyway. I am very triggered by other people's pregnancies and wouldn't want to see it in close proximity (like sharing accommodation).

It's shit because it's another thing that infertility is impacting. It just seeps into all corners of your life. You're being a thoughtful friend but it's natural and normal that you need to put yourself first, and so does she.
Hope all goes smoothly for the rest of your pregnancy.