How do you deal with not being ready to give up - 42yr old Secondary infertility

[Khanny]

Sorry I didn't know how to write my title and I hope I am not being insensitive on this board but I have been TTC for 3 years with not even a faint line/chemical and I am so so down about it. I'm not ready to be at this stage in my life where I cannot have a baby anymore. I don't feel or look 42, have a much younger husband and we really really want this. I am just not coping with the fact that my maturing body is not doing what I want it to do so desperately.

His SA came back normal so the gynae has discharged him, I had my bloods done for the second time in May (the first lot in 2021 were 'normal') and a hycosy following our fertility referral appt and we have our second appointment tomorrow and I am so so nervous and worried that this is the end of the road.

I have been tracking and it looks to me as though my body is always gearing up to ovulate as I get the static smiley faces on the CB advanced and dark opks on the easy@home strips but I don't think I actually release an egg. At our first appointment we were told we would need IVF - no mention of any clomid/letrozole, but we cannot afford it and it just feels like the end of everything for me. My days of being a mother and my marriage as I can't be selfish with my younger husband who wants to be a father x

Hello, sorry you are feeling that way. Trying for a baby can easily take over and it definitely can impact how we feel.

If your husband hasn't had any children I thought you might have been able to get funding. Not sure though.

I have been told to go straight to IVF but it takes time (even privately) but I was prescribed letrozole while waiting. It might be worth asking to be prescribed it as I don't think it costs much (but still to be billed).

I have gone with an NHS clinic which does self funding as well to keep costs down but I know it's expensive with no guarantees.

@M425 thanks for taking the time to reply. It really has taken over my everything, I never thought it would be this difficult and having already had 2 children who are now 21 & 19 I just presumed I would be fertile.

I am going to mention letrozole tomorrow and also something to kickstart my period to begin a new cycle. I keep thinking about stopping tracking and just seeing what happens but I need to see the opks getting darker so I know my body is at least trying to fo something. Also need to get back into temping but need my cycle to start again x

@Khanny hi, so sorry to hear your story! But don't give up ❤️
I am 41, have older 2 kids but we want 3d one and delayed too much. Our tests good, my hormones very good for age, egg reserve high...but it is egg quality problem I underestimated 🥺 as also don't feel my years
Last 1.5 years had 4 chemicals.. and it is very difficult to cope
We have decided to try ivf with genetic testing which adds to the cost.
I am taking Fertility Blend supplements, IQ10 600mg, vit C 750 and a few others vitamins for 6month now. Taking progesterone too...just in case (dr says no real need but no harm). It is a waiting game for 1 normal egg...

Take care! Xx

@TT82 Hey & thanks for commenting😊
Im going to mention about egg reserve tomorrow as I don’t have a clue what mine is like. Hoping it was part of the blood testing I had done..unfortunately we’re not in a position where we can afford IVF and that’s why I’m so sad it feels like the end of everything for me.

I have even started acupuncture with a Chinese herbalist, I’m having my second session on Saturday. Her opinion is that fertility supplements don’t work, and tbh I think they are what started my messy cycles as I was regular as clockwork before I started taking tablets🤷🏼‍♀️They work for some people but I’ve been unlucky with them and if I’ve seen a success story about them..I’ve tried them!

Good luck to you on your journey x

@Khanny definitely try acupuncture, i did for a few months, calmed me down 😊
Re supplements- agree very personal. In my case the opposite, my hormones got so balanced and cycle regular...that I might continue them regardless ttc
My acupuncture dr asked me to monitor BBT, as it tells you if indeed you ovulate and temperature rises etc. I got thermometer special for it as more sensitive and usuing my fertility app. Now wouldn't wo it, learned a lot about my cycle and what I feel etc during it. Really would recommend

Many women get pregnant naturally in our age, it is just not an easy journey ❤️

@TT82 I am definitely going to start temping again when I start my next cycle. I’m going to it vaginally though, in the past oral temping has never been consistent for me. I emailed my gp yesterday for something to kickstart my period so they will hopefully pick that up today and give me a call.

Im terrified of what is going to be said at my gynae appt today. I might ask him if he can recommend any hormone balancing supplements as the Chinese herbalist took one look at my tongue and felt my pulse and said my hormones are unbalanced and I am damp internally which affects the warmth of the uterus x

@Khanny yes also switched to vaginaly BBT, more stable
Please take acupuncture dr saying with the pinch of salt... Mine was saying the same, and that normal vitamins do not work but Chinese do etc. about the womb etc. Do whatever you feel good at that moment, main point your stress is managed and sleep is good, then your hormones will balance more. I liked the acupuncture itself, was calming me down, but some other herbs or procedures dr wanted to introduce I didn't feel like
Re supplements I am taking more for my hormones and sleep which actually might impact egg quality as I sleep well and less stressed (you cannot be totally wo stress during this difficult ttc time 🥺)

Fingers crossed for you and hoping all results are good! ❤️

@TT82 Oh totally agree re what the herbalist says, I know they'll try to get me to buy everything via them! GP are meant to be contacting me today regarding something to kickstart my period. Just praying its not too late for me.

Setting off in 15 mins to my appt and my anxiety is getting worse the closer the time comes x

@Khanny oh will be hoping for good news!! Update please after.... xx

@TT82 I'm back. Fell into floods of tears as soon as I entered the clinical room having sat amongst pregnant women in the waiting room for over an hour, some who had just had a scan and were holding their pictures..

Gynae said my tubes are clear but the endo lining was slightly thick when I had the HyCosy procedure but I was bleeding so it could have been the blood - she is referring me for another to measure the lining. My ovaries looked good and my womb a good size. My hormone blood tests were just ok. She said my FSH was 12 which is a sign of low ovarian reserve but given my age it isn't out of the ordinary. I just need to release a good egg and catch it which could happen or couldn't. She said the only supplements she recommends are folic acid and vitamin D.

She also said to stop using opks as they don't tell you if you have ovulated, just show the LH rise and that temping doesn't actually confirm it either...my brain is baffled at this bit of info and I think I will still vaginal temp when my next cycle starts. She said the only way to tell if you are ovulating is on the 21 day bloods (or whatever day given your cycle length) and because I am so irregular there is no point in her sending me for this blood test as it will just upset me further. She also said the shooting pains and bit of cramping I am getting around my uterus are a good sign??

So not a bad appointment but am disheartened about the low ovarian reserve outcome. She did say to try and stop worrying about what might not happen as it just gets you down, she said if it is meant to be it will be!

xx

@Khanny that is actually all good news, I mean giving our age!

The 12 is not bad, it is the minimum they wanted in my clinic for ivf. I have 17 but that means nothing, as most important is egg quality. So 12 means you do have them and will ovulate...so just a waiting (very painful 🥺) game to find that 1 (only!) good egg

I kind of agree with ovulation tests but I personally really relies on BBT and do the tests sometimes when I feel cramps just to reconfirm, and then most important for me temperature stays high.

My clinic also was not enthusiastic on any supplements, apart from folic. I am taking some as they keep my stress down...and kind of not hurting, also most important is sleep quality for egg..

So do/take whatever helps you to be calm (I know their impact is tiny). BBT is also probably for my nerves 😅
We try to ddt every other day during window which I base more on self symptoms rather than tests - cm, breast, feeling, temperature

So don't get upset! Quantity is nothing in our age...only quality! And most importantly hormones are fine (even if just) and there's reserve

❤️

@TT82 That was a lovely message to read, thank you❤

I am off to buy more folic acid and some Vitamin D this weekend and will continue with acupuncture for the time being and just keep praying for that one strong egg.

I agree regarding the temping/tracking and I will probably continue but only so that I know we have covered as best we can. Just wondering if there is anything worth taking to improve egg quality - is it CoQ10? I also need to stop everything else, the soy isoflavones, the maca root, conceive plus...I've tried them all!

I have a telephone appt with my GP on the 20th July to discuss something to get my period kickstarted so fingers crossed that will get going again. My grandma fell pregnant at 48 (I think, she was over 45 anyway!) though she lost it after having the amniocentesis test and regretted being told she had to have it for the rest of her life bless her, but hoping its in the genes that I will fall naturally pregnant.

xx

@Khanny sounds like a good plan!
I am taking 600mg high dose IQ10..... read lots of research and on MN all women in 40+ groups all say to take it. It improves the function when eggs releases to split correctly chromosomes.. I read it is a good supplement in our age in any case 😅
My dr didn't say no it is not hood or anything (ivf clinic), so I guess no harm
Also people say high dose of vit C, I am taking 750 one.. But it depends how you tolerate etc.

Otherwise..well just a waiting game
Also I do even if it is psychologically painful early testing..to know I have cp or just cannot get pregnant. So in my case I know I do, just egg quality. As maybe your issue not so much egg but this lining, which they will fix! 🤞🏻

Good luck xx
Write here or PM me how are you doing..this journey is difficult to go on your own

@Khanny forgot to mention, maybe also ask about progesterone, with age it declines and might be not sufficient. Ny gynecologist prescribed (still no luck as no good egg), but ivf dr said no real research it helps..but said it doesn't hurt and even said to take morning and evening
But as you have something unclear with lining definitely check with yor dr

My pregnancies i was on progesterone from 20w but still both kids were premature

Personally wouldn’t write off the male side. We went for over a year thinking that male factor was fine and it was unexplained infertility. Then we had another test in preparation for IVF and it came back bad on all measures… then another 3 months later, bad on all measures again. So turns out that was the issue after all and it was secondary infertility for us x

@TT82 Yeah I think I will stick to folic acid, vitamin D and CoQ10 and leave everything else well alone!

I think the gynae mentioned progesterone yesterday but said there is no point but I can't quite remember why she said, possibly age and nothing you can do about the changes that take place within your hormones.

Thanks for your support and lovely messages, and good luck to you on your journey also xx

@Anonbaby Oh really? The gynae discharged him on our first visit because his results were fine but will bear that in mind. I do think it is me and my age that is the issue. Praying for a good egg soon that will catch🙏xx