Abandoned IVF cycle

[WelshMamtoEH]

Hello everyone, I'm new here. This is my first post so apologies if this has been talked about before.
My husband and I would like another baby. Ours is an unexplained infertility. We've had no luck trying naturally and so it has to be IVF. I've done a round of IVF before and saw great results (although it was 7 years ago). Anyhow, this is our last chance saloon if you like. One more round and that's it. This time I've been on meriofert (300 IU) this was a short protocol and today we abandoned the cycle because of a poor response. 1 Good follicle and the rest all 10mm. I had 17 eggs last time (menopur), 8 fertilised, 3 blastocysts, so forgive my ignorance but it all falling apart at this stage has completely blindsided me. I didn't presume for a second we'd come out of this cycle with a baby but I thought I'd be at least satisfied at the end of it knowing we gave it our very best shot. I don't feel that not getting to egg retrieval is even a shot tbh. My consultant was very harsh. My amh is 9.7 and so when I asked her why I didn't respond with a "good amh", she said "don't ask me that question. I do not know." She then went on to say, "the years have not been kind to you." I could have cried. I felt so inadequate. She reluctantly said that we can change protocol but said she wouldn't bother if it were her because I'm likely to have a poor response again. I said I want to do a new protocol but she's left me feeling foolish. I have a good amh, surely there can be a protocol that can work better than this one? I don't know what to do. She has said that I can do a long protocol with 350 IU of meriofert and shrugged and said, "we'll see if that works." Has anyone experienced anything simular? Does anyone have any advice on what and what not to do or thinks to ask for? Many thanks. x

I can't believe what I've just read! Your consultant sounds absolutely vile. Completely lacking in compassion and professionalism. Can you change clinics? That's my first thought. I would not want to spend my money with a medic so utterly lacking in all the qualities fertility experts should have. I'm so sorry you've been treated this way.

There's no reason why you wouldn't respond differently next time, perhaps on a different protocol and different drugs. One thing IVF has taught me is that our bodies are very unpredictable and no 2 rounds are the same. Your AMH is not bad at all (much better than mine!) and a good doctor will do some more investigations and make suggestions. It may just have been a bad month for you - frustrating, but it happens.

I wish you all the best and I hope you can go somewhere else with a doctor who treats you with kindness and respect.

@countrypunk thank you for your response. It's lifted me up and given me confirmation that I'm not being over sensitive (something I always tell myself I'm being. I don't like to make a fuss). She devastated me, on top of the devastation of a cancelled cycle. My 6 year old was there (she had to be) and even she felt uncomfortable. Even though she had no clue what we were talking about she compassionately touched my hand. I did the whole stiff upper lip thing but she still knew something was off. Turns out she has more emotional intelligence than the Dr. So I'm doing this cycle with the Wales Fertility Institute. I had success with them last time (NHS funded) so I thought we'd go with them again. This time we're self funded. However, I'm finding that even though we're paying for this treatment there's no difference with the way they run things. I'm still very much rushed through conversations and appointments because they have a very long line of patients to get through. And so this consultant is not necessarily my consultant, she's just the consultant that happened to be there that day. She's actually the director of it all and the nurses kept joking that I was having the red carpet pulled out for me. I may never see her again. The consultant who usually deals with me is lovely. So I don't know what to do. When she said "the years have not been kind to you" she wasn't referring to my amh, she was talking about the fact that I had an excellent response last time, a very bad one this time and so the years have obviously been crappy to my body because now it's saying no it's not going to respond. It made me feel so inadequate as a woman, an emotion I'm already battling with to have found myself in this position in the first place. Anyhow, I'm rambling. Thank you for your message. x

If I were you I would speak to the clinic and ask not to see that consultant again. I guess it's a tricky one if she manages the clinic and you don't want to / can't go elsewhere.

I would actually be tempted to complain to HFEA. There's a section on their website that explains how you can do this. But you might need to complain to your clinic first and see how they handle it. No one should have to accept being spoken to and treated like that. You're already so vulnerable when going through IVF. We should all expect the highest standards of care.

Personally I think there's not nearly enough regulation of the private fertility sector. The whole model needs to be looked at. Healthcare should never be business - it just means profits come before patients, which is completely wrong.

Now I'm rambling I hope you never have to see her again and instead see your usual lovely doctor from now on!

Thank you. I'll seriously consider what you've said.

@WelshMamtoEH Wow that's absolutely disgusting! I can't believe what I am reading. To come out with comments like that when you will already be feeling emotionally devastated about a cancelled cycle is so awful and unprofessional. It's basic human decency to show some compassion! I echo what @countrypunk has said.. I would be making a complaint. There's no reason why a different protocol wouldn't work for you. I would ask to discuss your case with someone else.

@Raleighx thank you! Yeah, I was so sad coming out of there. She really kicked me when I was down. I just couldn’t understand why she’d be so harsh. It’s as though she just can’t be bothered to help me because I’m already a mother. She made me feel like a bit of a lost cause. I mean surely I’m not that difficult to stimulate?? I don’t have a bad amh, I’m not 70! And I’m concerned about the way she seemed to just throw a random protocol option at me as if to keep me happy. So now I’m dubious about the new protocol. Is it even the right one?? I’m speaking with another dr about it soon and def considering a complaint.

I agree I'd put in a complaint. That's extremely rude and unprofessional . She shouldn't be working in a job that requires her to deal with sensitive issues like infertility.
How old are you do you mind me asking ?
I would change protocol. It might be about finding the right protocol and dose ect that's right that you'll respond to . I personally have not gone through ivf ( I'm on the list) my sister did have ivf / icsi to be exact and she responded poorly to her first collection . 7 eggs 3 fertilized but Zero blastocysts . Second time they did things differently and she collected 13 eggs. 7 fertilised and 3 blastocyst. All three were normal which was incredible. She now has a dd who is 2 in October and she's considering another round for a second. She's 43 now.

@OhChacha thank you for your comments. I agree that it could just be a change of protocol. It could just have been a bad month. And so I’m still spiralling and confused at this closed door view of hers. Forgive my ignorance but the possibility of not responding to the meds didn’t cross my mind. It’d all worked excellently last time. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t so naïve to think that I’d end up with a baby or even blastocysts but I did assume I’d get to egg retrieval. So when they cancelled it I felt sick and then she just came at me. I will make a complaint. I’m 42. I have a good amh, although I know quality might be an issue now. This is why I say this is our last go. And so I want it to be right. So both you and your sister have/will need ivf? Do you mind me asking is that just an unfortunate coincidence? So happy your sister has a lovely dd.

@WelshMamtoEH your amh at 42 doesn't seem bad.
There's women with much lower amh and older that are attempting ivf.
I'd definitely push forward with that complaint. People struggling with getting pregnant are already sensitive enough.

My sister dosent have any known fertility issues, but her husband does have low motility and count so they needed icsi. After the 1.5 year mark they opted for fertility treatment. Her first transfer didn't take but her second resulted in her little girl. She has one embryo left in the freezer .

My partner and i have tried everything from ovulation induction to iui and nothing has worked so ivf is the next stop . Its been 5.5 years at this stage. Were going through nhs as its first for both of us. His count is normal and nothing has flagged up about me ( tubes clear, hormones fine) so at this point it's just unexplained .

@OhChacha they said my amh is really good (3 times the average for my age) and it’s always been that way. I first did ivf 7 years ago and it was 3x what you’d expect then. Just higher obviously because I was younger. But yeah as far as my amh is concerned there’s no reason for me not to do it. I’ve always responded very well to fertility drugs … stims last time and clomid etc, so it didn’t make sense that she advised to close the door on this just because I didn’t this once. I think she basically thought you’re already a mother so count yourself lucky and pack it in. I will complain. I’m in the process of doing so. Your situation sounds similar to mine. Everything looks normal for both of us, so unexplained. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you that it all works out 🤞🏻 All the best