Ivf, to do or not to do!

[Yorkshire2022]

Hi,

After 2.5 years TTC and one chemical pregnancy we have been referred for Icsi due to low sperm results.

Maybe an odd question, but we just don't feel ready for treatment and maybe never will.

Apparently our odds are 3 in 100. I really wish we was wanting to do ivf but we both just feel like it's too much and going against our gut feels quite stressful and consuming.

We had therapy as she was more like just go for it. Which amped us up but reverted back. We really do want a baby but ivf is a gut feeling of no.

Any one else feel it wasn't right for them to pursue ivf? I'm so hopeful it will happen naturally but chances given by the clinic are slim which is a chance we'd have to wear. Just wondered if anyone else battled with this decision?

@Yorkshire2022 I don't think anyone will really say they wanted ivf. We were told that they didn't expect to see us back at the clinic because we are fertile but here we are 3 years with only one positive test from ivf and that ended in miscarriage. Trust me, I did not want ivf to be the route to getting our pregnancy and baby one day and there's a lot of embarrassment and stigma surrounding it all too that no one will ever truly understand. It is not easy and people deal with it differently, some don't like the drugs whereas for me they were fine but it's the unknown and it not working out despite doing all I could to try and make it work. If you aren't ready then you aren't. You'd get priority over others if you have male factor infertility and for me that crushed me because we had to try longer and wait longer than someone who had a diagnosis so to me it would be nicer if those that weren't ready for it didn't get it first...but that's an nhs issue not a person. Just do what you think is best or even just set a date for maybe next year and see how you feel. Infertility has robbed me of almost everything I had and I am not and will never be the person I used to be and love. But I understand more and appreciate little things, friends and myself more than ever. Do what ever you think is best, no one can tell you what to do!

@Yorkshire2022 i would say the same as @Fox01 i dont think there's a single person out there who wanted to do ivf. I always said if i had to do ivf i wouldnt do it and I'd just accept natures decision. But here i am after 3 miscarriages from natural pregnancies, time running out and not wanting to risk any more miscarriages, we have felt there isnt any other option, other than no children. I dont like taking any medications let alone all the drugs for ivf, im scared of needles and the rate of success is low. I am doing it though as the alternative of no children scares me more. It might not work but at least I will be able to say i tried everything later down the line. Its a personal decision at the end of the day and i do think only you can decide in the end.

@Fox01

Thank you for your message. Sorry to hear of your loss and I do hope you're okay.

I didn't realise people who had male infertility factor waited Less and I agree with you don't really agree with that one either. We spent 1.5 years getting tested as our nhs provider just made so many mistakes and lost tests so there's some tests of ours wandering the NHS somewhere. Just a negative experience.

We only found out about the male side recently after them saying we were unexplained for 1.5 years.

You are right. Maybe I've watched too many YouTube blogs seeing women excited and hyped to go for it and I'm comparing myself to that

I can only imagine how hard it is and the toll it has taken. It impacted my mental health and we are not off the go point yet.

I think women are incredibly strong for embarking this journey. Thank you for sharing your experience x

@Flowerlover010

Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts.

So sorry to hear of your MC I hope you're okay x

I'm exactly the same as you, big needle phobia, don't take medications as I don't like to etc etc.

I think I've been sucked into YouTube blogs too much seeing women excited and amped up made the mistake of comparing myself when I'm absolutely terrified. My Mc is really recent so I think I need to concentrate on healing first. Before adding more to the plate.

As I said above I think women who embark this journey both investigations and treatment are incredibly so bloody strong and brave!

I wish you the best of luck and positive vibes for your ivf journey x

@Yorkshire2022 thank you. I think there will be some women who are excited to start as they have been trying/waiting for years to get that chance but ultimately they would have always wanted to to be able to do it naturally. Good luck with whatever you decide. P.s. the needles arent nearly as bad as you'd think, i am getting used to them now.

@Yorkshire2022 i agree that the needles aren't bad, just more like a sting towards the end of the liquid going in is what I felt but when things weren't going well and I still had to do the injections I just stuck it in and got it over and done with in anger.

You will make the best decision for you I am sure. Getting over a loss isn't easy and if I'm honest a lot of people around don't understand it or go through it differently. I've had 1 friend have 3 natural losses and a success within a year. I'm 1 loss in 3 years and another had 2 losses in 2 years. Both of them had a lot of time off work but I think that knowing ivf chances were similar than what natural chances were I didn't hold much hope. Or I've maybe depressed myself with the process and made it more logical. I didn't take any time off and had the horrible bleed through work. It's not strong but I just wanted to move on whereas I think naturally I would have been more hopeful and maybe more hurt. Who knows.

Another option could be to just freeze eggs and sperm? Therefore the decision can be made further down the line

I totally understand your feelings on IVF OP. It was a long emotional battle within myself to have it. I cried at the thought of us conceiving our child in a lab and not through sex. The lack of intimacy, the clinical nature of it all. No one wants to have IVF. But in the end like a pp said the alternative of not having a much wanted child felt worse. We tried to naturally conceive for four years and it was clear it was not going to happen. Our first IVF round got us pregnant, but I had a miscarriage. With the second round, I’m now 34 weeks pregnant…I do think that once you’re pregnant, you feel forever in awe of this incredible scientific procedure to create a much loved baby. I don’t see IVF the same way as I did before…I see it as a remarkable medical procedure to help people that otherwise would never have their desired child. But I totally understand the pain of that journey, and the not wanting to go through IVF…I guess the thing I got my head round was to remember the alternative was most likely not a miraculous natural conception, the alternative was most likely no child. And once I got my head round those options there was no other way forward then to push on with IVF.

Hi op, my DH and I had IVF with ICSI due to low sperm results, and we were never given any odds of it working by the clinic. I can imagine that being very disheartening seeing it as a statistic. Statistics arent always true either.

My husband's sperm parameters were very low so we expected to lose alot of embryos before they reached day 5, but we got 6 healthy good quality ones from 7 eggs in our first round and I'm now 30 weeks pregnant after the first frozen transfer worked. It was so much better than the monthly stress of not conceiving, and although we'd rather have conceived naturally, I found talking about it and being open really destigmatised IVF and I'm so so glad we did it and that were a few months away from meeting our little boy.

Hope all goes well for you whatever you choose x

I think IVF is a situation you arrive at due to circumstances completely out of your control rather than something you want to do if you see what I mean. It was the only realistic chance of me having a child so in the end I thought well I have to try. I found that accepting that we needed IVF and then taking the step of booking the initial appointment was one of the hardest parts and from there became a bit easier because you're always looking ahead to the next step. Good luck with whatever you decide OP.

Hi @Yorkshire2022 I feel exactly the same. I have been taking letrozole but have had five unsuccessful cycles. I was told at my appointment in January that if I hadn’t conceived by my next appointment I could be referred for IVF, my mental health has suffered horribly and instead of losing weight to meet the criteria I’ve just gained it. My appointment is next week and I’m not ready for IVF anyway. I feel cheated out of the experience of getting pregnant naturally and I feel like a failure and an embarrassment that I haven’t been able to conceive. It’s shit. I don’t want to be in this position but I also don’t want to not be a Mum. I’m terrified of going through all that and still not having a baby at the end of it. I’m 37 and we’ve been trying for 2 years, no positive tests and I’ve only been late once in that time so I feel like it’s not going to happen now and my chances are getting worse not better. I’ve spent an absolute fortune on supplements, acupuncture, fertility aids etc. I think I’d rather adopt than go through IVF but my husband isn’t keen.

It’s so difficult isn’t it. I really feel for you. We also have male factor, and when we first started TTC I just knew that it wouldn’t happen for us… im not sure why as we’re both young and no reason to suspect we wouldn’t but I just knew 🤷‍♀️ when we first started getting investigations after having no success I said to my husband I’m not interested in IVF at all - the stress, the medications I didn’t think I could handle it. But ultimately when the doctor said this is your best chance, I couldn’t not do it. As others have said - I looked at it as a choice between IVF or no baby, and that made my mind up for me. No one wants to do IVF but unfortunately here we are. What I would say is if you’re doing it via NHS then the wait is long so it can’t hurt to get yourself on the list and you may feel differently when you get called up. My understanding as well is when you’re at the top of the list and you call in to book on the first day of your cycle you may not always get booked on and so have to wait again. The last thing you want is to be in the same position in a years time and then face another wait of 8+ months. Thinking of you and wishing you all the luck x

Hi @Pixiedusted

Very similar situations to us and we are the same age. We are still a no on ivf but it's taken us a long time to get to this point we even had a counselling session to really make sure we was okay with our decision.

Wishing you lots of luck in you journey x

@Southsiderg4

Thank you so much! Wishing you all the luck with your journey x