Unfair Policy....

[DontBeBitterGlitter2023]

A bit of a hypothetical situation as I'm in only a very new relationship but it's got me thinking. I'm 37 and found out just before Christmas that I am infertile - able to carry a child but would need an egg donor. However, in my area (not sure if it's everywhere) I cannot get any sort of fertility treatment on the NHS if my partner already has a living child (he does) - but it's me who has the issues and I've been advised by the doctor to proceed straight to IVF if I ever want children.

I don't know 100% if it's what I want and it wouldn't be for a couple more years at least but it just feels like the option has been completely taken away from me. The cost of donor eggs seems to be over £10k just for the eggs without any treatment procedures and it's not something I could see myself ever affording. Has anyone managed to challenge this sort of policy or is it literally just 'sorry, you have a stepchild so game over'

I'm shortly due to have surgery for endometriosis (not the reason for my infertility - I'm just doubly unlucky) and I feel like I shortly need to make a decision about whether to have a hysterectomy

Thanks in advance

That does seem unfair
what area is this?

although i suppose there do have to be parameters but does seem harsh

It’s under the North East and North Cumbria ICB area. Ironically if we were both childless we’d get the maximum 3 rounds of IVF on the NHS which makes it all the more unfair!

So my understanding is that yes, a ‘couple’ cannot have nhs funded ivf if either of them has a living child, however the policy is different for single women.

I believe there are things like you have to have tried to have sperm doner 3 times independently first but it’s basically to make sure you are classed as ‘struggling to conceive’ as naturally as possible before they fund IVF.

So my thinking, is that if it is a new relationship, can’t you ask to be referred for ivf as a single woman with proven infertility with sober egg and sperm?
Or is it not something you or your partner would be comfortable with using someone else’s sperm?

I don’t know if you would be accepted as a single woman but it is worth seeing if that is maybe an option?

**Donor egg and sperm that meant 🤭

Yes it's very unfair....
I'm childless yet my partner has two which means I've had to spend every last penny to my name, wrack up massive debts on credit cards etc in order to even have a small chance at starting a family (no such luck yet and I've run out of money). His children will never be mine, so I agree, it's VERY unfair

@Sheepsheeps Im so sorry to read that 😞 it really is very unfair isn’t it.
I really hope you get some good luck soon 🤞🏼

@HopefulHead I would definitely meet the criteria for treatment straight away as I've been told not to even try to get pregnant naturally due to my egg quality which could lead to significant abnormalities. To be honest it's still a bit of a hypothetical question as my relationship is too new for me to be posing those difficult questions to him (although he has said he's open to more kids). I know that no funding is given for IVF when it's just because the women is single but I didn't realise it was different if they are proven to be infertile so I will look into this...

@Sheepsheeps I'm so sorry to hear that and I hope your dream comes true for you

@DontBeBitterGlitter2023 it is definitely worth looking in to. I know all the CCGs are slightly different but when I looked in to the criteria for mine it was basically the same kind of idea - a single woman would need to have no children and been trying for x amount of time or already had x amount of treatments to be considered infertile and would then be funded a round.
Hopefully yours is the same 🤞🏼
The waiting lists to start are so long that it really is worth you getting yourself down, you don’t know what may happen in the next 12-18 months so it’s better to get started sooner rather than later.

It's not actually as straightforward as partner has children and so you can't get funding.

I was offered 3 rounds of IVF on NHS and my husband (we were also married at rhe time) has children already.

My issue was genetic and I was told there are circumstances where the rule isn't applied for certain conditions. It's worth asking and not just ruling it out.

Sorry you find yourself in this situation @DontBeBitterGlitter2023 !

Our CCG at the time of treatment (Newham) covered 3 cycles including eligible couples 'where one of the partners has a child from a previous relationship, but the other does not'.

It might be worth seeing if there are other CCGs close to where you are that offer similar, and think about whether it's worth moving if the time comes. I know it sounds drastic, but if it's that or being unable to try to have children, it's worth considering.