Doing more IVF for a 3rd baby - AIBU?

[Greenleaves20]

We’ve got two wonderful DC (4 & 2) from 3 fresh IVF cycles and one FET. We know how unbelievably lucky we are. We’ve just used our final embryo for a 3rd baby and unfortunately it hasn’t worked. I’m devastated as I feel like this is probably the end of the road for us. However, there is always the possibility of trying more IVF for another one, I’m just wondering AIBU to want to do this?

I’ve always wanted a bigger family as I’m one of 4 and I love the chaos that comes with all that. Despite my two DC I remain very annoyed that I can’t do it naturally. However, I’m now 39. The IVF process is emotionally gruelling, expensive and time consuming. I don’t want to take time away from my babies to trek into clinic appointments and have that emotional rollercoaster going on while I’m trying to look after them. In addition, my previous cycles have never yielded great results - I’ve had at most 2 viable embryos from each egg collection and that was when I was 34 not 39. The chances of it being even as good as that are probably low.

On the other hand however, I feel that this is really my last chance to have any more. Time is ticking on, my babies are growing up and my eggs aren’t getting any younger. We can afford to do the package of another 2 rounds of fresh IVF. It will cost around £8500 inc medications. It’s not cheap and obviously we have a mortgage etc to pay but if we didn’t have to have IVF we’d have a 3rd tomorrow. Has anyone else been in this position? Any advice?

@Greenleaves20 hi there. I’m not in exactly the same position but similar. We have two children, both conceived naturally and we’ve been trying for a third for 2 years to no avail. I know some people on this board won’t think it’s appropriate for me to say this , as I am very fortunate to have two children but I desperately want a third child and I am teetering on the edge of depression due to the situation we’ve found ourselves in.

we have been told we would need ICSI. IVF feels a big step after natural conceptions and ICSI even more so. We decided we weren’t going ahead with IVF. Recently I’ve been really struggling again. I thought I was happy with the decision but now I’m not sure. I still don’t think we will go ahead with ivf due to multiple reasons including financial, emotional, physical, time. But I don’t know if I’ll ever be 100% comfortable with this decision because at the end of the day I want to complete my family and I can’t x

So I was in exactly your position OP. We had been unbelievably lucky with our first two rounds of IVF working, but we had always wanted a large family so decided to have another try. Long story but that round didn’t work, nor a few more after that… I decided to have one last go last year at the bonkers age of 45. I didn’t think it would even work - it was more about getting closure and knowing that I had absolutely tried everything. My clinic even tried to dissuade me going again but, for me, I just felt I needed to do one more round before hanging up my boots.

Anyway, fast forward a year and I’m snuggling a very beautiful four month old as she drifts off to sleep. I literally cannot believe she is here and feel the luckiest woman in the world. It was a crazy journey and I know we are incredibly fortunate to have been able to try a number of further times.

I don’t really have any advice as I think eveyone’s experience is different, but just wanted to share what happened with us in case vaguely helpful. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.

@Anonbaby thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry you’re feeling down about things, it’s just heartbreaking and so frustrating to not really have a choice and have to put it all in the hands of IVF. Like you say, there’s so many reasons not to go through with IVF, it feels like there isn’t a right decision here.

@Verygeri congratulations, that’s absolutely amazing! And thank you for sharing, it’s so useful to hear different stories and get different perspectives on things. IVF is a roll of the dice every time but it does work out in some cases. I guess I also don’t feel ready to close that door. My worry is that I won’t ever be able to and knowing when to draw the line is so hard.