TWW - Dreading my pregnancy test

[SnapDragon5]

We have been TTC for 4 years, been through IVF/ ICSI (male factor) and now moved to a donor. This is our 7th round of IUI.

I am 8dpo so will probably test in a couple of days with an early response test, but I'm dreading it.

I don't know how many more times I can take seeing the BFN :(

Anyone else struggling with this? The emotional side is just so, so difficult. I am taking antidepressants, seeing a counsellor, exercising, have all the right support, but it's still just so hard.

Bump

Hey, I didn't want to read & run! Is this for your first baby? And are you under a clinic who will take a blood test in a few days? Our DD was ivf back in 2019. Since then we've had two failed FET. Then at Christmas a failed fresh transfer now on Letrozole and honestly feel like giving up! Trying for #2. I understand your anxious but it could be good news for you!! Sending you baby dust.

Thanks for the reply @FETmum . Yes it would be first baby. Sadly they don't do blood tests at my clinic, I have to POAS but I've got some realy First Response ones and didn't have a trigger this time, so should be OK to test in a couple of days.

I've had quite a lot of cramping today so wondering if it's implantation... so hard not to symptom spot!

Sorry to hear about your failed transfers, it is so difficult isn't it :( I've been on letrozole as well, is it making any difference for you? They tell me I am fertile/ no concerns (our issues are male factor) but they put me on it anyway to give a 'boost', however, it didn't make any difference last cycle.

Are you mid cycle at the moment then? When's your next transfer due?

Baby dust to you as well - fingers crossed!!

It is so hard! I had a day 3 embryo transfer 6 days ago, so equivalent to 9dpo, and dreading the test. This is my 6th IVF transfer, after 1 miscarriage and 4 implantation failures (ttc 4 years now). It’s exhausting, and I’d rather stay in this ‘maybe’ period than see a negative test before I need to! Totally understand what you’re saying about being unable to see another negative. I really hope you get your positive!

Hi I’m 9dpo would love to link with someone @SnapDragon5 I’ve been trying for 14 months after the Depo no luck so far :( driving myself mad symptom spotting and trying not to test. Today I’ve had awful heartburn, sore boobs, stabbing pinching pain on my left side 🤞🏻🤞🏻how are you getting on?

@evalooda You've been through so much. I'm not surprised you are exhausted. It's just horrendous isn't it, I know what you mean about staying in the 'maybe' period. Although, I convinced myself I was pregnant last night due to some strong cramping and took a test this morning - negative of course. I'm only 9DPO though.

@Bethpotter111 Sure! I'm 9DPO as well. I had strong cramping yesterday and was convinced I was pregnant, but it's all died down today and I'm feeling quite depressed tbh, I've now convinced myself the other way!

I always thought I was a rational human until I was TTC for 4 years - now it's all out the window and I symptom spot like crazy! Lol.

14 months is a long time, have you had any fertility testing done? Good luck with it all, hope you get your BFP soon.

IVF is so tough! I honestly don't think I could do it ever again. Praying this Letrozole works, blood test said I did ovulate so it's now a waiting game for us. I have PCOS & ovulate with drugs so we'll see, right now feeling doubtful. We're trying for #2 I'm 38.

What's everyone's back round stories? I hope you get your BFP! Our FET ended in MC last summer and I'm suppose to be on mat leave right now which sucks. Baby dust to all!

@FETmum So sorry to hear about your struggles. It's promising that you did ovulate, I have everything crossed for you. I know that feeling when you think "I just can't do it one more time"... Ugh!

Background for us... my DH has a health condition that has impacted his fertility basically.... he has very low sperm count/ quality and that is unlikely to change. We tried 2 rounds of IVF with ICSI with his sperm, but it didn't work, we got hardly any embryos (and none to freeze) and they were not good quality. I also got OHSS and ended up in A&E both times :(

So after all that and how unwell I was from the IVF, we took the difficult decision to move to a donor.

We're now on round 7 of natural IUI with donor (because they tell me I'm fine and I'm under 35 so it should work).. but it hasn't worked yet.

If it doesn't work this time I am going to have to have a HyCoSy which they say is quite a painful test and I'm not looking forward to it.

It just feels endless and my DH is in his mid-40's and also has chronic fatigue although is desperate to be a dad, it feels like time is really running out :(

I had a HyCoSy a few weeks ago ( before taking Letrozole) & it wasn't pleasant at all but its similar to a smear test and over in minutes, it checks your tubes plus clears them out which is suppose to help. Although in saying that it hasn't helped us yet. But you might not even need it especially if you get your BFP! Is this your last round before the potential HyCoSy? I'd also take pain killers before you go in.

I'm 11dpo & BFN for me this morning so waiting for the AF to show to begin round 4!

Whatever happens we must not give up!!

I'm TTC number 2 aswell
So sorry you're in this position!! Wishing you all the v best of luck for this cycle.
We also using donor sperm due to severe male factor
With my DS we were v lucky conceived on second IUI
Trying for a sibling I've now had x5 failed IUI and x1 failed ivf fresh cycle and I'm 99.9% sure my FET has failed as I know full well when I'm about to get my period as get such strong pre period symptoms!!
I really feel like giving up too. I've got two more frozen embryos but I don't know what the quality is like and I don't know how many more times to go through this really

@FETmum Thank you, that is reassuring... yes final round before the HyCoSy 😬

@pamplemoussee Wow, you've been through a lot too with all this. How are you getting on now - have you tested/ got AF? It's so hard to know when to draw the line isn't it. Everything crossed for you xx

@Bethpotter111 How are you getting on? 11dpo now... I've got quite a lot of symptoms (sore breasts, feel very swollen in stomach, bit of nausea...) but I'm so scared to jump to any conclusions. Hope you are doing ok xx

@SnapDragon5 I tested at 8dp5dt to put myself out of my misery and got v faint positive which felt v shocking as like I said was just so convinced otherwise - so now that's given me abit of hope but I kind of darent hope at the same time if you know what I mean

@SnapDragon5 when do you think you'll be testing?

@pamplemoussee that's so exciting!! You must be so relieved.

@pamplemoussee Oh wow, congratulations!! Thats great news, you must be over the moon :) I hope all goes well for you and it's a sticky one!
If you don't mind sharing, did you move to IVF because the IUI wasn't working out?
I am thinking I might have to do this, even though I really struggled with IVF/ ICSI when we were trying with my DH's sperm.
Dreading it but I think if this doesn't work for us it might be the only option. Seems like flogging a dead horse to do IUI for an 8th time.

@FETmum I tested this morning actually (early - oops!) I'm 12DPO and it was negative so I think I am probably out, but I will test again on Tuesday to be sure. How are you getting on? Did you test again? x

@SnapDragon5 yes I tested again this morning & BFN I'm due AF today! So frustrating as we go on holiday next weekend certainly don't want AF then.

Here's to next month for both of us, baby dust.

@FETmum So sorry to hear that :( I hope your holiday weekend goes well and AF is over and done by then! Going away for a break has helped me in the past when I've been dealing with the emotions after BFN.

Do free to keep in touch with how you're getting on next month if you'd like to. Good luck!

Thankyou it was a v faint line but guess it is a glimmer of hope something could happen. Im abit scared to test again really as just fearing the worst this journey makes it hard to believe it might actually be ok

Sorry to hear about the negative tests
Could it still be abit early @SnapDragon5 - what sort of test did you use?

My first consultant said not to worry after first 3 IUIs failed as he compared it to natural conception rates and said you wouldn't be worried if you'd not conceived after 3 months naturally. He said "back in the olden days" people used to go in for IUIs for 12 cycles so he was happy for me to just carry on. However after the 5th IUI failing and because of my age (35 at the time) I just thought if I was going to do IVF to do it sooner rather than later so I saw a different consultant who gave me quite a different impression and she said don't bother doing more IUIs do the IVF as my AMH level was also a little lowered for my age. Sorry to hear you had a really hard time with the IVF - it's a tough decision to make I hope your clinic can give you some good advice.

I think I must have had a chemical as one test this morning is v faint positive and another is definitely negative :( it's just so hard to keep on this journey

Oh @pamplemoussee I'm so saddened to hear this :( It is so, so hard, just gutwrenching. How are you doing now? If you need someone to chat/ offload to I am happy to DM (not offended if not but the offer is there - same for anyone struggling with this journey!)

You're right that it could have been a bit early for me, I just don't know. It was just a regular test, not a FRER or anything.

I'll test again in the morning but I have no symptoms at all now so I'm not hopeful. I'm also taking cyclogest which delayed my period by 5 days last time I took it, so I'm not getting too hopeful by the lack of AF symptoms.

Interesting that you say about people going for 12 IUI's. I feel that's probably about right considering there's only something like a 10% chance each time. But I just feel like I'm throwing a dart at a board each time, trying to get it in that 10% and it keeps missing. Just don't know what to do if it doesn't work. Thinking about a childless future is just devastating.

Thanks @SnapDragon5 I would like to DM but I don't know how (I'm using the app is that why I can't see the option to DM - I'm abit technologically incompetent!!)
I had my bloods done today at the clinic my hcg level is only 12!! So it's virtually impossible it will develop any further I just have to have bloods done again in 2 days really just to make sure it's definitely not progressing.
Yea you're bound to feel that way - you've been through so much, but it does sound like maybe age is on your side so I really hope there will be a way forward for you. Thinking of you tomorrow xx