Egg freezing Vs Embryos with donor sperm Vs New partner.

[YouWithoutEnd]

Just wanting a bit of help/advice about how you’d proceed in this situation.

I’m 36 years old (37 in July), recently found out that my AMH is 0.8, AFC had 3 follicles on one ovary and other ovary completely obscured by large Corpus Luteum Cyst. Ovaries measuring slightly smaller than they should be, but endometrium, etc all fine and healthy. FSH, LH and Oestradiol all in normal range when bloods taken. Cycle was regular 28-31 days, until last month where I suddenly started spotting around ovulating (literally started on the day of my LH peak) and then my period was massively delayed (urine and beta HCG negative throughout) - so had a random 45 day cycle.

Consulted with Create back in Jan/Feb who basically advised get pregnant ASAP through IVF with donor sperm and didn’t really seem to want to go through any other options with me.

Thinking about the idea of Solo parenting made me realise that I don’t think that is for me (right now) - I want a family, more than I want a baby totally on my own. Not ruling that out in future, but whatever.

In the intervening time I decided to get a second opinion and supplied all my bloods/scan and history to a fertility specialist through Circle. He advised me not to panic, take a few months to think things through, and then consider fertility preservation options; egg freezing, embryos with donor sperm, etc.

During all of this I’ve met someone lovely, it’s going really well, and I’ve recently told him about all my fertility stuff, he wants to come with me to appts, etc. He has two children and would like more.

I know I can’t delay my fertility preservation based on trying naturally with him at some point, so I do have to proceed with one of the above methods. But how do I decide whether to just freeze eggs (I understand pregnancy rates are poor), whether to make embryos with donor sperm, or whether to involve new DP’s sperm in the embryo making (knowing we may not work out and he could withdraw consent for me to use my precious embryos)? I just know it’s going to cost an absolute fortune to get any decent amount of eggs/embryos so I need to get the best bang for my buck, and also know that I’ve given myself the best insurance policy possible.

We’re just using the withdrawal method and my own cycle tracking at the moment. We’ve discussed the risks of this and we’re both comfortable that if I got pregnant then we’d be having a baby, but obviously actively trying is probably a step further than we’re both comfortable with this early on. It’s an ongoing conversation and DP says he goes round in circles in his head with wanting to try properly but also knowing we should wait as we’ve only been seeing each other a matter of months. I’ve told him that I’ve no expectations of him to fix this problem for me, that it’s mine, and that the only reason I said anything is that it wasn’t going to be possible to keep the fact that I was going to be going through fertility treatment a secret from him.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and decided to do a certain ration of eggs:donor embryos:dp embryos? Do you have any great success stories of pregnancy from frozen eggs? Anything at all that might be relevant to my situation?

Couldn’t you do donor sperm and freeze any embryos from that so you have a ‘back up’ if it either then doesn’t work with your new partner or he changes his mind about having more children?
I would definitely avoid using your new partners sperm or putting your plans on hold in case he decides he wants to try properly, (even if he does it could still not work out with you having a low amh & folicle count) because it is such a hard journey getting to egg collection, waiting to see how many embryos make it etc that any you do get will be so precious, and the thought that he could then withdraw your consent to using them and them being destroyed would be heartbreaking for you and by then that could have been your last chance.

whatever you decide I wish you all the luck in the world, these are hard decisions and are made even harder by not being able to predict the future

I feel the same as pp. Frozen eggs do have a lower success rate than frozen embryos. Using your new partner's sperm is a significant risk as he could withdraw consent at any time. So I'd use donor sperm and freeze embryos to have a back up plan - that doesn't mean you can't try naturally with new partner if you two do decide you're an item.

But of course you need to consider all the aspects :

If you two stayed together and decided to conceive but ultimately failed - how would he feel about you going ahead with the donor sperm embryos and him being a dad or step dad to that child ?

You said single parenting isn't right for you. Do you mean now, or ever ? Because if you are certain you don't want to do this on your own then there may not be a point in creating donor embryo.

Though even then there's always the chance you could change your mind.

If I were you (obviously I'm not !) I'd go ahead and create donor embryo, and then either ttc within the next 6-12 months with new partner or use the donor embryos on my own.

Hi,

Just back to respond and update.

I suspected that DP’s initial “what’s the worst that could happen if we just tried asap?” might soon be followed by a bit of a freak out about it all. He came round the other night to talk it all through, and I reiterated what I’d said when I told him - that I’ve zero expectation on him to intervene or fix the problem in any way. He said he was worried I was putting my plans on hold for him, etc - I explained that I’d already considered solo parenting back in January and everything I’d read/seen about solo parenting didn’t feel right for me at that time and still doesn’t, that the reason I went back on dating sites, is that I still wanted to give myself time to try and find someone to have a family with and that’s exactly where I’m at. I explained that the fertility preservation stuff should be considered as something I’m doing in the background for myself.
We have taken any talk of trying soon completely off the table as we both agree we need to think about the wider impact of a new baby on his children, our housing situations (neither owned house really suitable for us to live together if a baby entered the picture), our (tricky rescue) animals, etc.

We talked it all through, definitely still want to be together, and may be in a position to properly try in a year to 18 months. In the mean time I think we’re going to carry on with cycle tracking/withdrawal method - and if there’s a surprise baby, well then we’d be happy but if not then, that’s okay.

In the mean time I have emailed Create to get an updated quote for a three cycle package for egg freezing and also making embryos with donor sperm - I think I will have to see the numbers of eggs, etc we’re getting once treatment is under way before I can make any decisions about whether to freeze eggs or if I need to invest them all into embryos. There’s really so much science to try and get my head around, so I have so much more reading to do. Both fertility doctors I’ve spoken to said they’d consider a stimmed cycle despite my AFC, not sure if that’s because my FSH was only 3.2 when my bloods where done, really don’t understand the intricacies of it all. Not sure if a stimmed cycle could result in more mature follicles than the Natural Modified IVF that Create specialise in?!

Either way, I need to get into the Fertility Preservation at full speed now, eggs never going to be as good as they are right now obviously!

I think I’m going to leave DP’s sperm out of the equation when it comes to making embryos, there’s too much uncertainty involved in that, and I’m already dealing with so much of that. Unless I start getting miraculous amounts of eggs (realistically never gonna happen) and feel like I’ve got some spares to play with, but yeah, that’s basically out of the question. DP going to come with me to appts etc so we’ll see what conversations come about while going through the process. We both understand and acknowledge that there may come a point in time where I no longer feel that I can wait to be a Mother, and if he isn’t ready at that point then it will mean using my donor embryos and considering the future of the relationship but we want to give our relationship a good shot regardless.

Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it.

Also, just to answer a question, I don’t feel like solo parenting is out of the question forever, I just felt deep down that I still wanted the time to meet someone and to build a family together rather than get straight into it alone. Ultimately, I would choose to solo parent, over never getting the chance of being a mother.

And there’s even further options for donor eggs/embryos, but I’d still like to exhaust every possibility of having my own biological child first.

@YouWithoutEnd Sounds like you’ve made a really good, informed decision and think it’s great you have been able to be so open and honest with your DP and him with you too. No harm in going to the appointment and scoping your options, costs etc.
Also to add, from my knowledge, stunned cycles do create more eggs (generally) than modified natural as it causes more follicles to grow and and eggs within to mature quicker so everything crossed that works for you if you do go ahead 🤞🏼
I would also imagine (obvs I don’t know as I don’t know you or your partner) that if you are still together in less than 18 months his opinion may change, so don’t give up on dreaming of the perfect ending.
I met my partner 2.5 years ago, made it clear I was also looking to settle down and make a family (I was 32 at the time) and wanted to get the ball rolling asap. We are now married with 4 embryos in the freezer ready to be implanted, some may think we were quick moving but I definitely believe honesty with a new partner just saves time, it may scare away the ones who aren’t looking for the same as you but as your DP has stuck around and is willing to come to appointments and be open minded about having a natural child with you says a lot about him and hopefully gives you a lot of faith in the relationship having a good, serious, long future 🥰
Glad you updates and all the luck in the world for your future whatever you choose ❤️

Hey, it sounds like you've found a path you're comfortable with. I just wanted to point out that you may not know ahead of time how many eggs you'll have. Sometimes people have lots of follicles but some are empty, some of the ovocytes are immature, etc. So if I were you I'd have the donor sperm lined up either way (even if you choose not to use it, at least you're ready).

And then you should consider that out of those eggs if you freeze them, some will not survive thawing, and of those only a third or a quarter will probably give you a day 3 or day 5 embryo.

And of those embryos, not all will implant. I'm on my third transfer and no luck yet (maybe third time is the charm, I'll find out next week). So consider this when deciding what to do with your embryos, and how many cycles to go through.

Either way I'm wishing you the best !

Create have been back in touch and will be ringing me with an appt for a repeat AFC, got myself all stressed now that it’s going to be even worse news than it was back in Jan. But it could just as well be better news re number of Follicles, if there’s no cyst covering my other ovary.

God, so stressful. I wish none of us had to go through this. Being a person is so hard sometimes.