How did you accept secondary infertility ?

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

Sorry if this post will upset some...am well aware of the struggles of primary infertility too... so please forgive me.

How did you accept secondary infertility if it struck you like lightening ? Im 46...likelihood is I won't have any more kids. 4 miscarriages since 37 years old. Ifv didn't work at 43....

Just always thought it will happen again as we were able to have 1. I'm gutted. I feel so lonely and for my son that now will not have a sibling. I feel I failed him...and I feel empty. Like I've lost something . Sorry but I do...

What did you do when you found out you can't have any more children? What are my options from your perspective at my age? I know donor eggs etc but feel it's too late now..

It's making me depressed when I know I should be grateful and that's even worse...:-(

I'm primary and younger than you, so not exactly in your situation but, I just wanted to point out to you one thing: I know siblings are siblings but, not always siblings bind to each other, I have a sibling and we have nothing in common, we of course have contact to each other but still, I have more in common with strangers that I can easily call sisters than with my brother, I don't know if you get my point. You didn't fail him, he will be able to count on other people in life, he doesn't need a sibling to do that, so don't worry about it, I'm pretty sure he is not going to fault you for that. Also, my partner doesn't have any siblings and he is good with that.
Never too late for egg donation if everything is working down there still... get a check up and see what you can do, don't give up until you know for sure there is nothing you can do.

Thank you ... perhaps I'll look into the egg donor concept too ... just never thought it would be this hard to accept. What about your own journey? Hope its going well and there are options x

Yes hon don't lose hope until the end :)
Mine? Well... 14 months and nothing, I'm 35 he's 40 looking for our first. He seems to be of (semen analysis came back ok) I have low amh with a possibility of early menopause and it seems I don't ovulate every month, still ovulating but not every month. We have our first appointment to the clinic on the 27th. That's it for now.

@Noangelbuthavingfun I also have secondary infertility and often feel insensitive talking about it as I already have 1. Everyone keep saying, “at least you have one”.
I too did not expect it to be this hard and the older I get the more grief I feel (I am 44 soon). The guilt for not giving mine a sibling and so on. My partner of a decade doesn’t have any children and slightly younger so it most likely end too as he really wants a family. I say I’m ok with it but I really am not ok with it!
IVF is not an option as I have a large fibroid and endometriosis so chance will be very small and risky.
You are not alone. I am trying to make peace with it and hopefuly one day I will.
I hope you managed to get the outcome you wanted xx

I didn’t accept that, I’m 43. Looking into DE now.
this feeling for a 2nd child didn’t fade away in the last 3 years, so why to fool myself - it’s not gonna fade away. I’m ready for DE.

Hey @GingerFox2021 just wanted to say hi (we chatted on other threads).
i remember we were quite similar.
Ive done 6(!) own egg ivf rounds but due to low amh didn’t get many eggs. I’m about to give up on ivf. Not planning on doing DE. Just wanted to say hi as this journey can feel very isolating,

Hey I am currently experiencing it too. I am in the process of deciding whether or not to blow my savings on ivf that may not work… my child is only 3 and he never complains (yet) about having no siblings and seems happy but I often worry about him being lonely so I know how you feel. Not sure what to do

@birdbybird hi. Yes, I remember you very well, probably I am just shy to bombard you with messages.
Six rounds is a lot, you are patient. I haven’t tried any ivf, but I’m 43 now, and my AMH is very low. I’m still contemplating about DE, but it’s not going away.
I guess, we all have to go with a decision that we are comfortable with and not what others say or think.

@Helengreggregson my little one doesn’t mention anything either, but she’s very attached to other kids, to her toys which she talks to, it’s heartbreaking. We are elder parents, so would be nice to have a sibling.
if you think you might regret it, you might want to try. Even if it doesn’t work you might feel better with your inner self.

@GingerFox2021 thanks for your comment. my son is the same very attached to other kids and loves when we visit his cousins but they are an hour away from us. He also talks a lot to his toys..😥I think you are right I might just give it a try I may regret it if I don’t.