Time off work for appointments

[rubayr]

Hello
I’m looking for some advice and help.
I have a history of multiple miscarriages and have decided to go forward with fertility treatment privately. We don’t qualify on the nhs.
so far iv managed to arrange my appointments on none working days however this month my ultrasound before ovulation falls On a working day. So iv found it really hard opening up to my manager about my treatment and what’s going on in my private life but even after this hard conversation she has declined me going to my fertility appointment as we are ‘busy ‘ at work that day. These appointments have to be on certain days of your menstrual cycle so this is out my hands that I can’t change my appointment. She’s told me I can’t have the day off on annual leave, unpaid leave, or special leave. I have rang the fertility clinic and they can’t move the appointment and said my only option is to not have treatment this cycle and try again next cycle but I could have this problem again as the sonographer works the days I work at work!!!
I feel so stuck, and overwhelmed with everything but this is ticking me over the edge!! I’m unbelievably stressed and anxious after this now and I know that’s not good for my fertility journey!!
I feel like my only option is to go off on sick, but then I’m worried my doctor won’t sign me off with stress / problems etc

what would anyone. Else do?
or anyone had experience with sick notes in situations like this
please help me

Just to add iv contacted hr and my unison and they are all reading off the same hymn sheet that appointments for fertility are not legal and should be made out of working hours. Therefore they can refuse

I'm so sorry that your manager responded like this after you had the courage to open up. It is completely out of order not to let you have one day off. I took a full week off sick after my egg collection to cover that and embryo transfer. The day before egg collection I was sore and felt sick so rang in sick then too. As I was over my week to self certify I called the GP and just said I was having ivf and could I have a sick note as not able to work for 8 working days. The GP just did it without any question. I think especially if you explain the situation to them they will be happy to sign you off. It is a very stressful time and your boss is terrible for making this worse.

Thankyou it feels so refreshing to read your comment and for you to understand how I’m feeling!
I’m in complete shock that work have treat me like this, I’m ringing in sick this week as I have complete anxiety now and I need to be in a good frame of mind for my cycle. I just hope my gp will sign me off for next week too

@rubayr that's appalling, I'm so sorry you're being treated like this.
Technically speaking they're allowed to behave the way they are, but it's 2023 and you deserve better.

I hope you'll consider looking for a new job once you have the headspace to do so. There are many employers out there who will treat you with respect.

I didn't tell my boss as i didn't want word to spread around the company. I trust her, but our HR department are known for spreading everyone's business...
I just said I had hospital appointments and booked them off.
My clinic arranged a very vague letter explaining I had lots of upcoming appointments.

Anyway, you have every right to take sick days due to stress/anxiety.
Good luck with your treatment cycle and I hope your job/manager aren't too difficult to manage throughout the process.

Thankyou for this. I have rang in sick my anxiety is through the roof and I need to be in a good space for my treatment to work. I’m just so shocked iv been treated like this and makes me so angry that this is ok!!! I shouldn’t have to take sick days!

That is absolutely shocking behaviour from your manager and company.

You don't owe them anything, call in sick and crack on with your plans.

I work for the nhs !!!! you would of thought they would of been more supportive!!

I’m just worrying what everyone is thinking about me at work . And I’m praying and hoping my doc will give me a sick note when my 7 days self certifying runs out

I would suggest chat with GP about a sick line. I work in the NHS too and once had a good discussion with occupational health consultant who was really supportive. He was suggesting that if I did ivf I would need job plan changes. The other option was a sick line. You have a right to family life. Also the second you have an embryo transfer your pregnancy rights begin. Hope you get this sorted.

I also had a lot of miscarriages and I know the desperation and misery of it. Wishing you good news very soon x

So update I have doctors appointment this afternoon to hopefully get a sick note. However work rang me this morning and totally took me off guard I thought it was my docs ringing me ! My senior asked me if I was coming back to work this week.
I was so shocked and totally unprepared to speak to them!
I told her I’m in at docs this afternoon and don’t plan on being back this week as I need more time and I started to get upset

hopefully the gp will sign me off 🤞🏻

So I got my sick note been signed off with stress and gynaecology problems
my boss has emailed me saying she can not accept my sick note cos it’s a digital copy and she wants a paper copy. My docs have said we don’t do paper copies anymore !!!!
I swear she’s trying to make this more stressful and complicated then it already is 😭😭😭😭😭😭

She sounds awful. I’d escalate to HR.

Send her the contact details for your GP so that she can verify the information? Or print it off yourself so she has a ‘paper copy’?

My goodness OP I'm reading this in shock at how you're being treated. I have been through several rounds of IVF and had multiple pregnancy losses and I can't imagine the stress of these whilst being treated the way you are at work. I really feel for you.

A fertility counsellor I had in the past told me that a GP would sign you off sick for up to 6 weeks so please get as much time as you need off from your GP (setting aside the fact that your manager is being difficult about accepting your sick note 🙄).

Usually workplaces would treat fertility appointments like any other medical appointment. I also read that post embryo transfer you're protected by pregnancy legislation. 'Fertility Matters at Work' have some useful references and resources for dealing with fertility matters in the workplace.

I really hope your IVF round is successful (and that you later manage to find another job!)