Secondary infertility (male) - coming to terms

[hananana]

Has anyone had to come to terms with secondary infertility?
It's looking highly likely that my partner has become infertile, he's having some health problems and the outcomes for fertility aren't good, his sperm count is basically zero. I'm in my 30s and really am getting to the point where I feel a strong need to have another child.
He's basically said that if he is infertile, he is happy with what we have. But i'm really struggling with the thought of that happening, I feel genuinely scared for the future and I feel really bad because I don't want to make him feel bad because of my own needs. I'm scared that our family will never be complete. I'm not done and deep down neither is he.
I'm worried that I might feel I can never be fully happy or totally fulfilled if I didn't have any more 😭 I always said I wanted 2-3 children and losing our first child just made me want it even more, family is so precious. Just saying it or writing it down I feel like its totally selfish of me, but it actually makes me feel a bit sick thinking about it.
Just wondering if anyone else has been in this position and how you came to terms with being forced to be 'done' 🥺

Nobody at all? :(

Have you considered using donor sperm? My husband is infertile so that’s what we’re doing.

Hi @hananana. I’m in a similar position, although I have two children. We have been trying for a third for two years and those two years have been utter hell. After a year, we had all the tests and we were unexplained so we were advised to give it longer, which we did. We were about to go ahead with IVF when it came to light our issues are male factor. Since we got a proper diagnosis, I have found it easier to come to terms with as I know now it’s unlikely to happen, we’re not going to do IVF and there is nothing I can do about it. I think as the time goes on, I feel more and more like enough is enough and I am just getting to the point where I can’t go through this any longer. Instead, I’m planning more things with my other children and trying to focus my energy elsewhere. I am up and down. I go for months now feeling ok, then I’ll have a dip again but it’s progress from where I was last year at this time, crying every day. I know your situation is a bit different but I think eventually time is a healer x

Have you discussed micro TESE procedure? It's where the surgically extract sperm from the testes if your partner is producing a zero sperm sample

This wouldn't be an option for us, he said he feels like its his fault as it is and it wouldn't then be his child. He said it would ruin his mental health :(

Thank you, I'll see if we can ask about this! I can imagine we will have to go private, because we already have 1 child so I feel like they won't help us on the NHS

Hi yes you will have to pay. I think it cost us about £7k in total. You need to find a good urologist. We used the one at CRGH and he was very very good.

Hi Op,
I would recommend going to see Mr Jonathan Ramsey in London. Im on the thread for Azoospermia (zero sperm) and most of us have seen him with our OHs as he is an expert in this field.
Has your OH had an infection in that region over recent years? That can cause a blockage. There's also numerous things that could cause it such as hormone levels.
Was is zero sperm completely or were there a few sperm?