Is it normal to be this depressed during IVF? Help

[Houseplant234]

I’ve had two unsuccessful rounds of ivf back to back with nothing to show for it - no frozen embryos, no positive. I’m preparing for another round in two or three months time and feel so incredibly stressed that I can’t cope. I’ve started self harming and I involuntarily think about suicide daily. I truly feel like if I’m left without anything in a few years time I would rather be dead than spend a pointless life watching everyone else with their own families while I have nothing. I don’t know what to do because going through IVF is horrific, but if I stopped then I wouldn’t have a chance of my own family and that would be unimaginable.

I don’t feel like I can talk to a doctor because what if this all goes on my medical record and then I get prevented from doing IVF? Feeling so hopeless at the moment.

@Houseplant234 I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, I didn't want to leave your message unreplied to. Does your fertility clinic offer a counselling service? I'd really urge you to speak to someone who can offer some confidentiality as your welfare is the most important thing. If you aren't able to get counselling or it's not quick enough I would recommend contacting The Samaritans on 116 123 or Shout (text service) on 85258. I think that this fertility journey can stir up a lot of feelings and if you've had mental health difficulties in the past it can really exacerbate them. You're definitely not alone in finding all of this really difficult. Sending you ❤️

Please speak to the fertility counselling service - they may be able to help you in some way. Please get help as this will only hinder your chances of falling pregnant and if you do then you want to be able to cope with it ❤️

@BiscuitLover3678 @browneyedgirl626

Thank you for being so kind. I guess it’s not normal to feel like this. I think my clinic has complimentary counselling along with each cycle so will have a look and see, but I still struggle to know how honest to be in case this somehow prevents the treatment :/

Sorry to hear about your previous 2 cycles, it sounds like things have been really difficult.
I would definitely recommend talking to someone about your mental health. IVF counsellor is a good idea as others mentioned. Also what about the GP? Or if you prefer someone anonymous maybe the Samaritans? Self harm and thoughts of suicide are not uncommon especially when going through such stress. The GP will have heard similar a lot of times before and will not judge you. Obviously I don't know your personal situation but there are medications you can take which can help and some are suitable for TTC and pregnancy. I am not an IVF expert but I do know that mental health issues are so common that it I will be on a lot of people's records and do not think it will be prohibitive to further treatment especially if you are working on it.
I hope with the right support you feel better and of course hope your next cycle is a success 💜

Hi op, I’m sorry you feel like this. I went on antidepressants just before my second ivf for much the same reason. Felt utterly hopeless and stuck in the never ending cycle of ivf and not having a break.
I only took a very small dose of AD but it helped loads. I did fall pregnant that ivf round and managed my anxiety much better, as I was freaking out in previous pregnancies ( as had multiple mmcs). I think the ADs just took the edge off. They aren’t for everyone though but I was in a very dark place like you and was desperate. They had a lot of side effects going onto them which made me feel worse for a couple of weeks but then much better.
my clinic didn’t say anything about me taking them.
i second the counselling, but never got any myself. I think it would have been useful. Nhs can take a bit of time to come through and private just felt like another expense.
Please don’t feel alone, it’s an enormous pressure on us to have children from many angles. Ivf is so hard mentally and physically.
I found talking to everyone who would listen helped and not hiding my pain and my journey from family and close friends. I wouldn’t necessarily tell them when I was cycling but would just tell them how hard things were etc and lean on them.
Perhaps start with talking to those closest to you about how you feel, then speak to the GP

A number of studies have found that the incidence of depression in infertile couples presenting for infertility treatment is significantly higher than in fertile controls, with prevalence estimates of major depression in the range of 15%-54% (Domar 1992; Demyttenaere 1998; Parikh 2000; Lukse 1999; Chen 2004).

Hi,

I am you. I went for my first round a year ago which was unsuccessful. Then in October I had a successful frozen transfer that resulted in miscarriage at ten weeks. Three of my friends became pregnant at the same time and I am awaiting their due dates knowing mine would be coming up soon too.

I can’t explain to anyone the pain that I have felt through all this. I have had weeks where I have just looked at a wall all day and then been disappointed by waking up to be be conscious in the morning.

all I can say to you is that you WILL feel better. This is the worst it can feel and it is temporary. You will soon find that a small win will keep you afloat for a few hours, then days then weeks (I haven’t managed a week yet without it getting to me a bit and I mean A BIT) That terrible dread is gone. I am getting counselling for ptsd now and I can see a future in my life. Learning to see infertility as a part of my life not the entirety. I’m investing time in my own body going to the gym and sleeping well, it’s progress I can control.

You are not alone and this too shall pass.

You need to go immediately to your GP for some medication to take the edge off if you feel suicidal.

This is a bit late but just wanted to return to this thread in case anyone reads it in the future - I went to the doctor, said I was really really stressed and struggling to cope and got put on antidepressants - they are amazing and I feel like myself again. I can look back on this post now and know at the time I was just so so so unwell that I couldn’t think properly, and I didn’t realise how bad things had got.

If anybody is feeling the same as I was, please go and get help like the lovely people have said above. It’s not normal to feel like this, and getting some help from the doctor will be a life saver.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to me ❤️❤️❤️

So glad to hear you are feeling better @Houseplant234 i feel like you did back in march. I’ve suffered multiple miscarriages in the last year. I am unwell and going to the doctors this week to see what can be done to help me. I hope I have similar success to you xxx