In need of advice (TW: discusses IVF following multiple successful pregnancies)

[HornungTheHelpful]

Hi, first to say sorry to all those struggling to conceive for the first time. I am after some quite specific advice and I can’t think where else to put this, though it may seem insensitive to put it here.

I am 41. I have children aged 5, 3 and 1. They were all conceived via IVF with ICSI - male factor infertility. Our IVF patterns have been the following:
Round 1: 3 embryos. 1 used in successful pregnancy, 2 frozen
“round” 2: 1 frozen embryo successfully transferred.
“round” 3: failed FET
Round 4: 3 embryos, 2 implanted, successful singleton pregnancy.
One frozen embryo remaining. First round started Nov/Dec 2016. Last round was Nov/Dec 2020 with baby born summer 2021.

I am really struggled with what to do about the final embryo. I have thought long and hard and don’t feel I can donate it. I never in a million years thought I’d feel this way (and have no criticism of those who feel differently) but … I can’t bear the thought of it being denied any chance. I know it’s not a baby but I still get very upset at the thought of it being thrown away.

I have two primary problems. First, the next two years in my career are critical. I could manage a pregnancy but it would be hard. Secondly, I would anticipate it being a hard pregnancy because I have PMDD and the ivf drugs (and then pregnancy hormones) exacerbate it. I currently take sertraline (which I would continue to take if I became pregnant) and Pregabalin (which I would not, but likely will come off that in the next year either way). But I don’t know if it would be vastly unfair on 5, 3 and 1. This is particularly the case as there’s probably a low chance of a successful pregnancy.

“Side effects” are extreme irritability, anxiety and being spacey and forgetful. Not world ending but tough for all of us.

I think really if we are going to do it, we would need to have done it by the end of the year or it will be too late. So advice I’m looking for is:

1. anyone else had similar mental health problems with ivf drugs? What did you do?
2. interested in views of anyone with multiple ivf children.
3. interested in experiences of anyone who has had multiple rounds of ivf and the effect that had on their bodies and mental health and if they have ever recovered.

Sorry it’s long and TIA

It’s a hard one, I’m pregnant with our second child and I always imagined having two kids so I don’t feel the pull to have a third but knowing we have one more embryo in storage has made me feel like we should give it a chance…still if it wasn’t there I would never have another IVF cycle to try to conceive a third. It’s only because it exists that I want to use it. So in my mind I’ve rationalised that this is not a good reason to potentially have a third child. But I do totally understand how hard it is to think about discarding an embryo you’ve worked so hard on getting…we are contemplating donating it to science so it has a value and will help others. We would never have our second child if it wasn’t for IVF so it feels right. We are waiting for baby to come and hopefully all will be well then our storage fees will run out 3 months after that. I’m not sure if I’ll feel the same then, but this is the plan at the moment….And I do have days when I think should we just keep freezing it for ten years and decide then! By which time I’ll be 48…

Sorry, I don’t think I helped much with your questions…I had two cycles of IVF and a miscarriage from the first. I was mentally and physically exhausted…second round hormones were doubled as follicles weren’t growing so I did feel like a hormonal mess but luckily only needed cyclogest for FET so that wasn’t bad at all I’m comparison…will you need a lot of drugs for your FET?

Thank you - it is helpful to hear how other people have gone about it. I may not need a tonne of drugs for FET but generally lots of progesterone in the first 12 weeks. And it breaks my brain