IVF, Ectopic, and now endometriosis 😞

[Belladonna432]

Hello

I recently went through a cycle of IVF/ICSI and was over joyed that it worked. I then had left sided cramps and irregular bleeding, which we eventually found out meant it was ectopic. I had emergency surgery in which my pelvis had filled with blood, was all very traumatic luckily didn’t loose tube as embryo had migrated into pelvis! . Surgeon also identified endometriosis. My husband has low moltility/mobility already and I just feel completely broken.

we don’t get anymore help on NHS just the one shot, and now we have to pay privately. Im barely able to pay for bills on my salary as a paramedic already and I’m just exhausted at the thought of trying again.

I keep crying when I’m alone, I just want to sleep for a very long time. Im exhausted. My body doesn’t even feel like my own anymore, it’s sore, has stitches, and swollen. Between the trauma of the IVF process and then surgery for ectopic I feel disgusting. Confidence is at all time low and I don’t even want to get out of bed.

DH has been supportive but now he is moving on and I just feel stuck

with the endometriosis, male factor and not ectopics don’t think we will ever get a baby.

im starting to feel bitter towards other pregnant people aswell and that’s really not helpful

I am so so sorry you're going through this. Sometimes it feels like everything comes at once.
The best advice I have been given is just to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Taking each day as it comes. Try not to cross bridges before you get to them. You are stronger than you think, and there is no other option but to get through this.

What about getting a consultant appointment as a starting point? There are some lower cost options, also a lot of people go abroad for IVF and often get better care.
Sending a big hug and strength. It's a heartbreaking and horrible process but you are not alone. X

Thankyou so much for your words of support.

I am already feeling ever so slightly better than I was before, so it’s an improvement if only a small one.

I feel like my husband wants me to not feel sad anymore. He keeps suggesting I meet up with friends or family or have a girls night etc. I just don’t want to meet up with anyone, I feel like I couldn’t be present for them in a conversation or listen or empathise with their issues at the moment. But maybe he has a point and it will stop me dwelling in my own sadness and grief.

I have to go to a family funeral on Monday so am being forced out of the house, have had to get new clothes and still feel frumpy and awful. My stomach is swollen from the surgery still and feel just uncomfortable in my skin. I asked husband about going away for a few nights at the same time, for a change of scenery but we can’t afford it at the moment unfortunately.

I think I just need time. I need space and time to lick my wounds.

and think once I can start exercising that will help as at the moment. Im using wine to destress and that is never good when you are teetering on the edge of depression already

Hi @Belladonna432 sorry for what u have been through. Reading your message although i havent been through the exact same things as you i can totally relate to how you feel about yourself and the situation at the moment. I have had 3 miscarriages and on my third i felt so low, probably my lowest point in life. I too didnt want to do anything or see anyone. I too didnt want to think about trying again but now i am. I felt awful about my body and went to bad food and wine which ultimately makes u feel worse. All i can say is it 100% takes time to get over the grief and pain and you wont feel it now but you WILL get better and stronger than you could imagine. Somehow somewhere we just get strength again and you might find yourself in a position to try again but be gentle on yourself.

wow it’s crazy reading back to me in the depths of my despair, I did indeed begin to feel better with a lot of time and focusing on myself and health and fitness

. And we ended up paying for excision surgery for the endometriosis privately, about ten months ago, which relieved a lot of my monthly pain from endometriosis.

we were just booking into to do next round of IVF and by some miracle 2 days before our first appointment I was feeling really nauseous and didn’t want morning coffee. DH forced me to take a test and it came up POSITIVE immediately!! I am now nearly 10 weeks pregnant and just waiting impatiently for next scan!!!!!! First time ever we have conceived naturally! My mind is blown there were many tears.

just thought I would update this post as I obviously was struggling here and don’t want others to be put off by my sadness and negativity xxxx

How are you getting on?? Sorry for not responding I think I just dropped of the face of the earth for a few months. Thankyou for the support at such a dark time and so sorry you have been struggling with miscarriages it’s just heartbreaking. But you were exactly right with your advice, we can astound ourselves with how strong we can be when we have too, and after time and healing I did finally feel strong enough to begin trying again! It did take a surprisingly long time though.

hope you have had some positive news and thanks again for the support xx

@Belladonna432 hi and congratulations!! That's truely amazing. Well I am currently sitting here playing with my nearly 8 month old daughter! I have goosebumps writing this! After 3 mc, we found we then struggled to conceive and time was running out for us so decided to try ivf in the hope they could pick the 'best' sperm and 'best' egg so we could try avoid another mc. I went through all the jabs and had my eggs collected. Waited for them to be tested and in the wait period I fell pregnant by accident! We certainly weren't trying as I wanted to try the ivf embryos! I was so scared I was just going to mc again. Luckily this one didn't and so here she is! So glad we never gave up! All the best for your pregnancy!

Wow that is incredible. I am soooo happy for you!!! Strange how these things work out isn’t it!! Congratulations!! I think stress really has a massive part to play in being able to conceive!