Advice on telling friend who is struggling you are TTC

[Cg2023]

Hello Lovely humans,

I hope you are all having an amazing day.

I am looking for some advice more than anything and thought it would be better to ask those who are in the position for their personal opinions.

My DH and I have just decided to TTC for our first. My best friend is in the throes of infertility treatments and has been trying for over 2 years. We usually share everything with each other and I have been trying to support her through her struggles for over a year.

My question is, I don’t know whether I should tell her we are TTC as I don’t want to surprise her if we do manage to conceive at some point and her feel I have kept this from her whilst she has been so open with me. On the other hand, I don’t want to seem over the top or assume how she may feel.

Would you rather be told if your friend was TTC?

I love her so much and just want to avoid adding to any pain or upset.

Sorry if any of this is worded wrong or upsets anyone, I just want to be considerate. 🤍

My opinion is to say nothing until you are 12 weeks pregnant. You don't know how it's going to go yet. I hope you conceive quickly but you might not. It's more sensible to wait until you're actually pregnant.

I'd be really hurt if someone didn't tell me until they were 12 weeks if we had a really close relationship where we would usually share those sorts of things

There is simply no need to share this. It's between you and your partner.

As someone who has been struggling with infertility for 3 years, I can't stress enough how much I would hate to hear every time one of my friends begins TTC.

Just tell her once you are 3 months pregnant.

Why?

It's pretty common for people not to share until this point, for a whole host of reasons.

I don't think anyone has any right to be upset about when someone decides to share news like this. It's extremely personal and extremely sensitive.

I fully agree with Situaciones.

I'm with @Rainforest6 - if my bestie said nothing, I'd feel as though infertility also robbed me of our close friendship.

For me personally I would rather not know you were trying as then every time u text or called I would be on edge that you were about to say you were pregnant. Don't get me wrong I am sure she will be happy for u when you do get pregnant! But it does REALLY sting and she will feel sad for herself.

Infertility truly sucks. Well done for being a nice friend though and being so thoughtful

If rather not know till 12 weeks too, certainly not whilst a friend was TTC

Thank you all for your input and advice. I really appreciate it and I'm sorry if it has upset or annoyed anyone.

I can completely see that the news of a friend being pregnant would be bittersweet at the very least and whilst I don't think she would ever begrudge me or anyone else, I can only imagine how it would feel.

I'm sorry for each and everyone one of you that have been in this situation and have been hurt. Sending you all love & best wishes.

Very best of luck you you @Cg2023 and, as others have said, really nice to see you being so thoughtful. Your friend is lucky to have you 🙂 x