Please or to access all these features

Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

I don't find it hard to be around babies? Is this normal?

4 replies

Journey2022 · 04/03/2023 08:32

Hi all

A bit of an odd one. I was at a friend's house this week cuddling her baby as I always do. She knows my 3 year journey of TTC and a comment was made about how I must find it hard to be around babies. However I don't at all, I love to be around them when I am but dissasscoaite my want for a baby with other people's baby's as I guess they are not mine. Is this normal?

I do get upset seeing other people's pregnancy announcements and have had to unfollow certain influences due to baby or pregnancy spam.

Yet I am dog mad and when I am with puppies or dogs I love I have a real urge to have another puppy, why don't I feel the same being around babies?

Do I just not want it enough? Just wondered if anyone else feels or has felt the same?

OP posts:
Jadviga · 05/03/2023 02:37

There is no normal or abnormal, everyone reacts differently. Your reaction may also change depending on where you are in your fertility journey. What doesn't bother you today may bother you later, and vice versa.

I did feel a bit jealous of other people's pregnancy announcements and not their babies, not sure I can compare to your situation though as I'm fortunate to already have children. But yes I see the distinction between wanting to be pregnant like them but not wanting their babies - we want our own.

Lauralozzle · 05/03/2023 10:40

@Journey2022 I’m sort of with you, on the puppy front!

My close friends don’t have kids, so it’s quite nice to not have to cope with it with them. Given how upset I felt (completely irrational) when I found out my younger friend was TTC - and the likelihood she would have a baby before me, I’m not 100% sure how I’d be around a baby now. I can imagine being with a baby would make me feel the loss of what we don’t have, rather than feel uncomfortable.

I have felt uncomfortable around other babies, but I was much younger and they’re my nieces/nephews. Not when we had decided to TTC. Before I was even ready to contemplate it. My sister recently had a termination and I completely detached myself from that, was not upset, as it was her situation and a shit one.

If I see a puppy I’m immediately smitten and often want the puppy, although can’t have one as it would be unfair on my old, blind dog. I don’t think that’s me not wanting a baby enough though, I think it’s me wanting a baby and projecting that onto a puppy. Which is what I know, a dog is already part of my family.

I long for a family, me, DH a little one (or two) and a few dogs. It’s more than wanting a baby. I actually prefer children as they move out of the newborn stage and start showing their personality. I was a bit ambivalent of my nieces/nephews when they were babies. Not so much when they started showing who they are as people.

I want our family, not someone else’s. I’m sad that we haven’t got that.

I don’t like pregnancy announcements and I don’t like seeing people pregnant as it just reminds me what we haven’t achieved in nearly 4 years and how my body just doesn’t work. I’ve never been pregnant. I might feel different around babies if I got pregnant and had a miscarriage though.

But yeah, see a picture of a puppy and I want one immediately!

Journey2022 · 05/03/2023 11:03

@Jadviga @Lauralozzle

Thank you both for your kind replies. It seemed a non issue to question or post about but it had been on in the back of my mind for a few days!! Your replies make me feel normal to my situation.

I think it's so right what bothers you one day may then bother you another time! And definitely detaching yourself from someone else's situation because it's there's and not yours is exactly how I feel as I don't want their babies I love them, but I want my own with their own little personalities!

OP posts:
TunicFox · 05/03/2023 18:25

Hi OP. I'm similar too. I definitely get a pang of 'when will it happen for us?' when I hear pregnancy announcements, which can be difficult to deal with.

But once the baby/ child is here, I have no envy or negativity really, I just enjoy getting to know the child as an important new member of my family/ friend circle in their own right :)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page