Feeling Hopeless

[FaceLikeASlappedArse1985]

First time I've ever started a thread on here...not sure if I just need a rant, support, advice...just feel like my head's all over the place

I've recently turned 37, no kids, never been pregnant or tried to conceive - had a bit of a disaster in terms of love life in the past but would now really like to meet someone. I live alone in what would probably be described as a perfect family home - really good job and prospects but a large mortgage and expensive bills, plus historical debt leftover from periods of mental ill health which led to reckless spending. It's manageable but very little spare cash after everything is paid for

I have endometriosis - diagnosed at 22 and currently waiting for laparoscopic treatment number 4. I've always been told that due to the areas affected I shouldn't have any problem conceiving. Paid for a private fertility MOT just before Christmas only to be told my right ovary has a large cyst on it and both ovaries are very small in size with likely impacted ovarian function. My AMH test showed a level of 4.3 which looks to be below even the usual minimum expected for my age but no one has discussed that with me yet

I was advised I'd need to proceed straight to IVF rather than freezing my eggs as they're not good enough quality. Obviously being single I'd need donor sperm and a donor egg and have been quoted almost £12,000 for just ONE CYCLE. (As opposed to £3,700 for a couple using their own eggs and sperm). It's something I just cannot afford on my own and even if I borrowed the money I couldn't risk having to pay it back as well as having a child to pay for.

Also childcare would be an issue, it would be around £800 per month for the hours I'd need to cover my job and I only have my mum to help out, who isn't 100% sure about wanting grandchildren and has a very busy life of her own. Between me and a partner I think this could be doable but just not on my own.

All I want is to have a child and I feel like it's slipping away. As I said don't know what I'm expecting in terms of response but I just feel so hopeless right now. All my friends/family/colleagues who are childless either have stepchildren, nieces, nephews, etc. but I'm just so alone in the world

Hi, I am so sorry to read your story; however, you can undergo IVF treatment abroad which is more pocket-friendly. Me and my friends were happy with the treatment and services we got. IVF with own eggs in best clinics costs only £3,043-£5,664 (source: www.fertilityclinicsabroad.com/ivf-abroad/ivf-spain/). If you do your own research, you will find many affordable clinics. Do not give up! x

I’m so sorry ❤️❤️ sending you so much love ❤️❤️
definitely investigate clinics abroad. I’ve been doing IVF with a clinic in Spain - not successful - we’ve come to the conclusion that my egg quality isn’t good enough - but I’m staying with them for donor egg treatment. My clinic isn’t the cheapest but the treatment and their success rates are much better than in the UK. There are much cheaper options available 👌🏼
have you been told that IVF with your own eggs is a definite no go?
if so, you can have donor egg IVF up to the age of 49 so there’s no great rush if you feel that you couldn’t handle it on your own right now.
also, if you’re going to be looking at double donor then consider embryo donation - that’s much cheaper too 👌🏼👌🏼
IVF and having a child on your own is bloody tough but it’s absolutely do-able - a friend of mine has gone through it and couldn’t be happier ❤️

Im so sorry. I would try one eggs with donor sperm as you haven’t tried it yet? And it’s so much cheaper. We went to ABC for our first round and they were cheap and excellent. Lots of women their were using donors x

Have you checked the criteria for NHS treatment?

My understanding is that being single does not necessarily exclude you from getting treatment on the NHS, especially as you have an identified cause of infertility with your endometriosis. You are under 40 so well within the age bracket they would treat.

They sometimes say you need to have been trying for X amount of time. To be honest, in your situation, I might tell a white lie about that and say that I had tried in the past and been unsuccessful. I wouldn't advocate that usually but obviously as you don't have a partner you can't have been TTC.

Just gonna leave this here (it's an article about a single woman getting IVF treatment on the NHS)...

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4004600/I-never-afford-IVF-Single-woman-granted-fertility-treatment-NHS-having-ovaries-removed-age-21.html

I'm not saying you would be eligible but just that it might be worth looking into/ pushing for if you haven't.

Thank you

My friend has mentioned she knows someone receiving fertility treatment as a single woman but I'm honestly struggling to find any information in my area. As I'd need donor eggs it doesn't look like these are provided to anyone undergoing IVF so would still need to pay and have been given a price of £7500 for 10 eggs!

@FaceLikeASlappedArse1985 definitely look into embryo adoption lovely. It’s much much cheaper and has a really good success rate xX

Thank you, that's something I didn't even know existed until this week! I think I would likely go abroad given the rules and regulations but I have family overseas and could stay with them for a while during the whole process xx