IVF - Private or NHS?

[Purplecandles]

We've been trying to conceive for 3 years. Im late 30s, husband is mid 40s. Told today by nhs fertility clinic that we need ivf. Currently waiting on test results that will take up to 6 months. Then doctor will tell us best way forward, basically if my eggs and his sperm are good enough for ivf treatment. Then we're put on treatment list if suitable. So it's going to be well into this year that we're even seen, never mind pregnant.
Husband thinks that going private is the way forward. Its expensive but we could make sacrifices. I can't stop crying about the whole thing. I need a bmi of 30 or less to get on nhs list. Currently im 38. I've always struggled with my weight and am sensitive about it and i think thats maybe why im so upset. Its my fault if we dont get on the nhs list. Would private have a higher bmi? Husband is positive about it and says theres time to lose it. Yes, I agree but it's not him that has to do it. I feel time ticking away and i'm so tired of this. I need to get focused but I just feel lost with it all. I don't have anyone in real life to talk to about this. I just wanted to get it out of my head and possibly help get a plan in place. Does anyone have any advice? Tips on how to lose weight fast? Diet ideas? Please be kind, I'm sensitive at the minute. Thank you

Hey, dont despair. So many of us in the same boat and this is a supportive community. When i am faced with dilemas, i find it helpful to do decisions trees in parallel swim lanes for activites that can be doen simulatenously - all vbeyr technical and I am qutie analytical; basically what I am saying is, keep options open and work on what you need to work on, all simultaneously. I dont usually give directional advice like this but feels like this is what you want? For example, as plan could be:

1. Start taking supplements + diet and exercise regimen immediately (its helpful NHS or private either ways)
2. As you do 1 above, explore both NHS and Private in a parallel
3. NHS - This means getting on the NHS referral, testing, etc process and doing all the steps to get funded for NHS IVF. If you know BMI is too high for their cut off, then you are working on it anyway (no. 1 above). Getting through the first steps can take a coupleof months and if you put your will into it, you could knock BMI down 8 points by then (if 30 is cut off).
4. Private - Start finding good private clinics near you. Find their rates and see if you can financially make it work. See what the BMI cut off is (private cut off is often higher than NHS but may still be 35 in someplace, but maybe you'll find others with 40). See what the wait list is like for the clinic you pick and you may again automatically have a period before you can start which will allow you to continue lowering BMI as well as allow you to wait on NHS stuff from a. above.
5. As you're doing 1, 2a and 2b above, you'll find yourself staring at the sponteaneous right choice (for you) soon enough

Diet:
Cut all refined foods out; strip down to a basic meal plan that is easy to stick to. I am currently trying to stick to:
Brekkie - small cup of porridge cooked in water + 50gms mixed nuts + 1 banana + 1/2 teaspoon honey
Snack 1 - a whey protein shake (USN one is safe for TTC)
Snack 1 - fruits/berries and yogurt (i just go for a diff. fruit or berries each day)
Dinner - a light meal (salad, soup, omlette or toasted flatbread with sauteed vegetables on the side, etc); 1 glass of red wine

Exercise:
Do as much as you can. I know its embaressing to go to the gym when you feel overwight but guess what, fuck them all. Just go if you can. Brisk walking on the treadmill, eliptical and do some strength training if you are up for it (its very good to accelerate weight loss). Start small (10 mins on day 1) and see if you can bump up by 5 mins a day till you can do 1.5 hrs a day (45 mins cardio and 45 mins strength).

Good luck; we are all in the same boat remember. I am 35 with serious male factor issues so likely looking at NHS funded IVF in March, My BMI is 28 and i'm trying to see if I can get to 24 or 25 by March (its just good for health anyway so much somehow help with the IVF whatever i can do to improve it is my thinking).

Allow yourself to cry but also pick yourself up and get going with your plan (you could be a mummy soon enough and you need to be that busy bee) xxx

Hugs
CD

Points 3 and 4 where 2a and 2b when i typed it! Not sure how it changed!

Also its snack 1 and snack 2 (rather than two snack 1s). So no lunch (or dinner) basically and two snacks instead.

Hi, thanks so much for your reply. Great advice, sensible and logical. It's just keeping the chin up and head down and chipping away at it isn't it? It's helpful to me to see it written down so thanks for that. All the best for March. Hope its successful for you.

I am currently in NHS treatment, they originally told me it would take forever. Once my initial test came back it was almost instant.

Some NHS is for private clinics (depending on your location).

I would say work on you and also get a Councillor, a lot of people skip this step but it is important that you go into IVF clear minded.

I'm wishing you the best of luck!

Also my NHS treatment has been treated the same as private, they have called me all the time, home nurse visits I even got a hot meal after egg collection! Honestly unless your local general hospital is going to do it, I would always say try NHS first if your eligible.

Fertility issues are not pretty, but there are a lot more people that go through it. I'm only 29 and knew from 18 I would have issues I spent the last 20 years travelling and just enjoying life.

You have got this!

Sorry and in relation to your weight, you can do it... some people are born to hold a certain physique or weight. If you can evidence your healthy it could be fine.

I thought I was big bonned, I got evidence that as a professional dancer my body mass was mostly muscle... they accepted that

Yes exactly! - chin up, head down and chipping away - its what we are all doing (and every now and then if you need to have a cry/llean on someone, get on this site .. and help others on the day they're needing to do it). x

Thanks for your replies. Capri93 I hope all goes well for you.
It's a long lonely road and I do get down about it all and it does affect my overall mental health. A Councillor might be a good idea, I had thought about this a while ago just to get things out of my head as I do tend to ruminate over things. Generally I am healthy, I don't have any health problems just my overall fitness wouldn't be great, probably because of my weight. I am tall and pear shaped so people say I carry the weight well lol if that's a good thing. But i know for general overall physical & mental health i should lose weight, never mind for ttc.
I tend to look after others and put myself last and I've been feeling that recently. I give too much. Maybe time to really focus on me.