12w TFMR ... FET again but when

[SprinklesCake]

I am about to go through TFMR with twins, awaiting appointment but likely in week 12. I'm devastated and terrified about termination (medical) the impact on my health/ability to conceive again (34). Hoping not to need surgical invention to reduce risk of scarring etc.

This is FET ivf pregnancy so I've been on additional hormones (progynova and cyclogest) for months now and worried about the impact that has also had on me.

I don't know what to expect from termination? Pain i can deal with but what will I see? My understanding is I need to take everything passed back into the clinic? Reading other posts I can't see anyone else saying this? Will it be worse with twins?

In regards to trying again has anyone experienced this and then went back for another FET? How long did you need to wait? Did you need to do anything differently for next FET?

Any experience, support appreciated. X

Hey, I'm so sorry to hear this, this is devastating. I've only had early miscarriages, so can't tell you what it will be like unfortunately. Taking what you pass in to the clinic is a good idea if you've arranged for it to be tested, but it's not mandatory. What has your clinic said?

I've had two FETs after miscarriage. My most recent just failed, so I'm not the best to advise. Each time I waited about 2 months, but these were earlier losses. I did change some things up, although this didn't help!

Progynova and Cyclogest are just to replicate the hormones you would have during a natural pregnancy, so you really shouldn't worry about them.

I hope the TFMR process goes as smoothly as possible for you.

Hi, I am so so sorry you're going through this. I fully understand your pain and devastation. I TFMR'd an IVF pregnancy at 14 weeks last year.

TFMR is a surgical procedure, especially at 12 weeks with twins you will not be able to pass the pregnancy naturally at home, and trust me you wouldn't want that either. I had a D&C in the hospital and was given Misoprostol about an hour before to dilate the cervix. Overall I did not have any physical pain, they knock you out during the procedure and you just wake up when it's all done. Has your doctor not spoken to you about your options and how the surgery works?

With regards to trying again everyone is different and technically you don't need to wait more than 1-2 months, but after my TFMR it took me a long time to mentally recover. The physical recovery was relatively straightforward, but I was overcome with grief and I could barely function the first few weeks. I ended up taking 5 months off, also did therapy which helped a lot. I recommend not rushing into another FET and taking time to process what you're going through.

Feel free to DM me if you have more questions and/or need some support. Sending you love and strength xx

Thanks for your messages and so sorry for both your losses. I have spoken with consultant quite a few times now and he has said it would be medical and that is the best for me so your message has me VERY concerned. I now have appointment, it will now be week 13 where I will see another consultant and been advised I'll get medication on that day.

I just wish things were different for me im devastated.

X

Has your consultant said why they think medical is better for you? I’ve just done some research online to double check what I said, and while medical management is still possible at 12 weeks, you should be given a choice: www.tommys.org/baby-loss-support/tfmr-terminating-pregnancy-medical-reasons

Perhaps there’s a medical reason why they believe medical management is best for you, but you should be told this information so you can make an informed choice.

Have you heard of Antenatal Results & Choices? They are a charity who helps people who face TFMR. They have lots of helpful resources on their website, and you can also speak to someone directly if you need information to make your choice, or just emotional support.

Please keep us posted. Big hugs x

I'm so sorry OP

If this is a TFMR I can't see why the hospital would need you to take what you pass into the clinic as presumably you've already been given a diagnosis as part of the TFMR?

I would push for a surgical TFMR I didn't think you could opt for medical at home with twins x

I had medical management at 16 weeks, in hospital. The pain was worse than anything I could have imagined, but I would go through that pain again if I can finally have that child I yearn for. I had surgical management for another miscarriage and I am that person that developed scarring. So, surgical was definitely not an option again. What I saw was my baby, after the nurses did a cleanup. I also birthed the placenta, which was not a beauty by any standards. In terms of the aftermath, I physically felt empty without the baby inside me anymore and I can only describe my emotional pain as anguish. I started lactating a couple of days after birth. Not once did the nurses prepare me for that, I was clueless to what was coming. That experience just added to my grief. I felt like a failure, I was not able to give my baby the milk my body created for it. I would frequently look at my baby's pictures and scans, which upset me deeply but I think I needed to let it all out. I had follow up scans to make sure the miscarriage was "complete". Eventually, I started thinking about achieving my dream again, albeit having to start from scratch with another child. I hoped to start another round of IVF as soon as my body was healthy again, but for the second year running, I was impacted by closures at my clinic. Having IVF around December/January is just the worst time of year.

I don't believe anything will be changed for my protocol because it was "successful" in making me pregnant. I just wish that I wasn't left waiting around. I find that almost as hard to deal with as a loss.

I am sorry for what's to come for you and I feel your sorrow for the loss of our children and what could have been. I can only empathise on what you must feel losing two children in one go. I hope one day you feel ready again to pursue your dreams. Only you will know when you are ready. Some of us need a breather to recover and mentally prepare, and some of us need to dive back in because the silence is just too deafening.

I believe that if you need to send in the babies for testing, you should miscarry in clinical settings (whether medical or surgical). If you don't already know what the problem is I absolutely recommend testing. It is very important to have as much information as possible for women like us who need IVF.