I want to die NHS will not help me.

[LoveMeKnot]

Sorry this is long....Me and my bf have been TTC for 2 years 4 months, im currently 27 hes 28. We went too the doctors about 4 months ago because they refused to see us untill we had been trying for at least 2 years.
I had blood tests they came back normal. I was due to get a PCOS scan as I have irregular periods and bleed after sex (all mentioned before but still wouldn't do anything about it) and was refused a scan. The doctor was unsure why I was refused but said the fertility clinic will do one when Im reffered so I should just wait. So in the meantime my bf has been waiting for a semen analysis and its been over a month of waiting he kept calling and getting the "the results aren't back or try the hospital where u went" (because u have to go to the hospital when u do a semen test). So all the time we could not be reffered because we had to be referred as a couple. Anyway today I recieved a text from the Doctor which said I'm over the BMI range of 30 and will not get any help. The end. That it. Nothing. No help at all. 2 years of trying to get help and to even be seen and this is what im left with. I never knew about the cut off or anything. I still have irregular periods,random pain and bleeding. But thats it. Im not allowed any help. I feel so lost like I just want to die.

@LoveMeKnot I’m sorry your TTC journey has been difficult.

On the irregular periods and bleeding after sex I’d go back to your GP and ask for a referral about that. Maybe ask to see another doctor? I would expect that if you weren’t TTC and bled after sex they’d want to check that out, so I’d try that angle to get a scan. That could at least give you some answers.

Re fertility referral, that does sound pretty usual. My GP told me to come back after 2 years and would not refer me until my bmi was below 30. That was my stumbling block for quite some time, as I tried to lose weight for the referral. Once BMI was below 30 I was referred.

If private is an option many have BMI cut off of 35. There’s also a group on here, weight loss for ivf, who are or have been in similar predicament.

I didn't want to read and run, so firstly I am sending you huge but gentle hugs. I can feel the hurt in your voice.

I'm not asking what your BMI is (none of my business) but can you get it down? It can be the hardest thing in the world I know, but there is no greater inspiration than the idea of a baby. Get pro active, can you go privately? Beg, borrow money if necessary. Look at different clinics, here and abroad. You are still very young (you really are) and you have a lot of time to sort this.

Ty for your reply I just feel devastated and so so let down by the NHS honestly don't know why I pay tax. I've had my first smear test cancelled and put on hold since 2020 because of covid and lockdowns, I have missed periods multiple times and am in pain a lot down there. Yet whenever I mention this to the doctor its like they don't care and nothing gets done. Today was just the last straw I had a phone appiontment booked no set time and it rang once and they hung up. Tried to ring back but was in q number 15 and an hour later I got kicked off. The thing is I dont even know if I want IVF. So why does BMI matter for a refferal?

You need a smear test asap before anything else and a referred to a gyno and look into why you have irregular bleeding before you get referred for an ivf.
ivf should be least of your worries. Please go and get checked, speak to a diff doctor and arrange a smear for next week. The nurse will ask about your period etc when she does your smear, tell her about your irregular bleeding she will refer you to a gyno or get the doc to do so as a matter of urgency as you are bleeding after sex.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's so tough as it is without being dismissed by the system.

I agree with other posters - regardless of if you are TTC they cannot ignore your gynaecology concerns like bleeding after sex and possible PCOS. Can you pause on the fertility referral side and now push for a gynaecology referral ? Regardless of BMI they can't not refer you to gynaecology to check you over due to the issues you've had?

Then with the fertility side, unfortunately it is true that they won't treat women or men with a BMI over 30. I'm not sure why this is but I think it might be because statistically those with BMIs over 30 take longer to get pregnant.

If you can afford it you could pay £500 for a private fertility MOT. They will do a semen analysis on your boyfriend and then an AMH blood test on you to check egg reserve and give you a scan to check your ovaries, egg follicles and lining etc. plus you would then have a consultant appointment to discuss the results and ask questions. I know it's not ideal to pay out when we have NHS but it may give you some answers quicker or at the very least eliminate some concerns like rule out any issues with your boyfriends sperm.

There's a helpful thread on here on losing weight for NHS IVF. I lost a lot of weight to qualify for treatment and I was lucky that it was successful. It's a long road, but hopefully it's hood to know you aren't alone.