Depressed around the holidays!

[Meh1982]

Let's talk about how depressing it can be during Christmas for those who are dealing with infertility. In the past 6 years I've dealt with 2 early miscarriages, pregnancy loss at 22 weeks and last year I was told I will probably never get pregnant because of poor egg quality. Tried IVF earlier this year and it failed. Each Christmas it gets harder and harder to put on a happy face and this year I've had enough of trying to suck it up. It seems like everyone else I know gets to be happy except me.

Very sorry to hear about the challenges you've been dealing. I think it's understandable why this time of the year can be particularly testing. Xmas brings family together and can bring greater exposure to what you don't have, but want. Moreover new year's provokes a lot of reflection which can also lead to a feeling of melancholy.

I haven't got any solutions, but can wish some encouragement. I hope you find the strength to enjoy the holidays, and see the positive prospects in your future.

Good luck

I’m sorry you feel this way, Christmas is a very difficult time and I understand you.
I lost my baby during pregnancy in my first relationship, and now I can’t get pregnant because my partner has azoospermia.
Time is not on my side and I don’t want to think about the future and Christmas this year is more hell then ever.
Partner doesn’t want to tell anyone about his diagnose, and I feel so angry and empty. That I have to sit there and pretend that there is no fertility problem and therefore live in some sort of lie. I never been so sad in my whole life and I feel hopeless about my relationship.

This was my story, Christmas sucks and not having babies or children does too.

This was me for 5 long Christmas’s of TTC & IVF failure. I tried really hard to make it nice for us while acknowledging we were both really sad/broken. We spent Christmas with family members so did a nice meal and bottle of wine on the 23rd plus Christmas movie just for us - I recommend the holiday, princess switch and a Christmas prince. All Christmas movies have children but those have no babies and the children are more peripheral. Presents wise I insisted on surprise gifts so no lists both went out shopping and got 3-4 gifts for each other. Be prepared to wrap up and get out for a long walk when family with kids/babies start to grate. We would just give each other a look and say ok we’re off for a stroll.

also have to say not for Christmas but overall I recommend getting a dog! We put it off for years but it was the best thing we did.

Tbf if the roles were reversed and you were the one with the fertility issues, would you be so keen to announce the fact to family / friends?

No but that doesn’t mean that this reversed situation doesn’t affect me.

@BabyOnBoard90 I’m not sure why you post on the infertility board? I saw in another post you said you had no experience. It’s not helpful to try dictate to people actually going through infertility. This board isn’t here for your random musings and misplaced opinions.

And to answer your question yes I would and have announced it to family members and friends as I can then get support from them and have them be sensitive to my situation and feel less alone.

Firstly - You're "not sure" why I post on this forum yet seem quite quick to rush to rather negative presumptions. Odd

Secondly - There's nothing in my post that remotely "dictates" or suggests what the person should do. If anything, just provided an alternative perspective.

Thirdly and Finally - the post was not addressed to you, so I'm not sure why you're reacting/ offended.

Of course not. I only asked because it may help in understanding why he may hesitant in sharing such information to alleviate a tiny fraction of your frustration.

There's often a level of shame and guilt carried by the infertile individual in the relationship.

what infertility problems have you had @BabyOnBoard90 how long were you TTC your baby and what kind of fertility treatment did you have?

I try not to make a habit of disclosing personal information about myself to random strangers, particularly those that are seemingly confrontational.

You seem strangely offended by a rather benign post, and I'm certainly not going out of my way to provoke you further. Whatever frustrations you are dealing with in your personal life, such as the discontent brought on by the current season, taking them out on me certainly won't improve your circumstances.

I hope things get better for you. Good luck

@BabyOnBoard90 try not to make a habit of disclosing personal information about myself to random strangers

very odd as the above is the entire point of the infertility board. Sharing your story with ‘random strangers’ who give you a good deal of support for the awful load of infertility.

If I seem confrontational it is because I am - a poster with no infertility issues but a with a triggering ‘baby on board’ username (I mean seriously did you not even consider that?), coming onto these boards and treating them like AIBU for their own entertainment when ‘random strangers’ are looking for real support from others in a similar situation. I mean I am still gobsmacked you posted on another infertility thread here I’ve not experience of this but I would …..

Anyway back on topic, I can totally relate to this feeling of being depressed during holidays.
The prospect of not being able to become a mother is taxing, children and babies are all over the place and you can’t really avoid it.

Thank you for your support and I totally agree, it’s a bit weird that we can’t feel free to talk about this subject.

@BabyOnBoard90 To be clear I make no apologies not my username or posts

wow. Just wow. So you won’t apologise for coming on a board where many posters may never have a baby, with your triggering username, posting stupid comments about something you know nothing about and have never experienced to people posting for some understanding or advice from those in the same boat.

are you just a nasty person or you just have nothing going on in your own life?

And I’m sorry are you now saying I am also @Mumpls as I’m not.

I'm sorry to hear about everything you're going through. Time is not on my side also so I understand that just adds to your frustration.

Have you tried any fertility treatments?

It gets harder and harder to put on a brave face at family gatherings when you're in so much pain on the inside. This year we've decided to spend Christmas at home and see family another day. It's really tough this year because my brother and his gf had a baby this year and on top of that we just found out friends of ours are expecting and we found out right after our failed ivf cycle.

We have been talking about getting a dog but we need a bigger place first.

@meh1982, Are you also from 1982?
the only fertility treatment we can do as a couple is donor insemination but my partner doesn’t want that.
my egg count is low, the treatment expensive and I doubt that they even do it at my age. I’m now just waiting around with 0 chance of pregnancy every month and the only thing that can change that is my partner wanting to move forward with treatment.

having a dog helps, but it’s no replacement. I have my dog now and he sure helps me through the hopelessness of it al.
maybe this question is already asked but, is becoming pregnant via egg cell donation an option?
I can understand that a pregnancy is scary after loss. I lost my first baby girl after a pregnancy of 23 weeks, and every year the pain comes back around the date that I gave birth to her.

Yeah I was born in 82 so I know at this point my chances are almost nil cuz of my age. I know it's not impossible but I'm feeling pretty hopeless at this point.

I'm considering just going away on vacation during the holidays next year.

Yep, totally agree
recognize the feeling of hopelessness.

taking a holiday next year is a great idea

I know a dog won't replace a child but I hope it helps ease some of the sadness. We spent so much money doing ivf trying my own eggs that we can't even consider donor eggs. I wish fertility treatments weren't so expensive.
I know what you mean about when the anniversary of losing them comes around. I just wanna isolate myself. We just wonder why all this is happening to us. I really hope things get better for all of us.