I don’t think this will eventually work for us

[thislittlebird]

That’s it really. I feel like I’m in a tiny minority of people who ivf isn’t going to be the answer for. This is our second cycle, fourth and fifth embryo transfer, and I can’t see a time when we either get plenty of embryos and have a chance to find what works, or we get that lucky one that other people get. And we’re getting older, and tired. I just can’t see i’m destined to have any children and feel like I need to move on. I left it too late to start trying and now the odds are so slim and infertility obstacles too large to get around.

I just needed to rant, I guess, I doubt there’s many people in the same boat, it feels really lonely when ivf doesn’t work for you.

I’m in the same boat. I’ve miscarried 12 pregnancies, 4 IVF rounds have only yielded 7 embryos (3 abnormals, 2 untested). We make bad embryos and my immune system likes to kill off pregnancies. I am merely going through the motions now for round 5 in feb and then transferring all my miscarriages in waiting.

Fully expecting to be childless at the end of it, tired, traumatised, sadder and so much fatter (thanks to the steroids). It will be sad when we finally stop trying but I am so weary and done, it’s starting to feel like self-flagellation now.

@Phrenologistsfinger that’s a lot of losses to go through, I can totally understand why you’re done with it.

That’s exactly it. I’m no happier than I was when I started trying at 36. I’m also fatter, sadder, fed up, poorer and exhausted by it all. I don’t want to be childless but I can’t do this endlessly. I don’t think I want to adopt or look into donors either, this has taken such a toll, I feel like we need to draw a line under having a family and accept that’s not going to be our future, as sad as it is.

It’s really hard to get my head round that we were the unlucky ones. We were the ones who didn’t get all the things that come to others so easily. But I can’t change it. I suspect we’ll do two more cycles to say we’ve tried and call it day, but we got zero blasts this time so it’s not like my hopes are high for the future.

My phone likes autocorrecting we’re to were and vice versa 🙃

Another one in the same miserable boat here. 5 years, 6 rounds of IVF, most of them a complete disaster. Everything that has been said above about getting older, sadder and more tired strikes a chord. I’m utterly sick of supplements and injections and life being on hold. I’ve accepted we’re nearly at the end now but not ready to give up just yet either. Think we’ll do one more but to be honest I’ll be spending the time between now and then preparing for the worst so it does beg the question what is the point of doing it when I don’t think it will work. I guess it’s just better than the alternative. Wishing you all the best for whatever the future holds.

@GreyZebra I’m sorry you’re in this shitty boat too. I’m only two in and can’t see it working, six sounds like torture tbh. I know they say more attempts = more success but clearly it isn’t for everyone. Yeah I get that, every time you think you can do one more you have a little speck of hope and if you just stop then there’s not even the hope.

@thislittlebird sorry to hear you are feeling bad, I am feeling very similar. It is so tough and lonely.

Just come through 4th round with a cavatating morula transferred (just before blast). I am testing tomorrow but I feel like I know deep down it hasn’t stuck, then I feel guilty for giving up.
I also started TTC when I was 36, we discovered a MF that required ivf and now feeling like my eggs are old and bad quality (only 3 embryos suitable for transfer from 25 eggs). I am feeling fed up with my life revolving around it we have 2 straws left of DH sperm so thinking will use that and that’s us finished - now trying to decide if we should move to DE to increase chances as I can’t keep going through this over and over again x

You're not alone! And not in a tiny minority!!!

IVF in a single cycle has a 45% chance of not working even for two healthy under 35 year old's egg and sperm, that's the fact you only realize when you're trying and you start. The odds , of course, only go up with multiple cycles and of course go down with every birthday.

Many people can only afford a few cycles, so never have success, for others even after 10 cycles nothing, or they get luck on their 11th cycle! Its a horrible rut to be stuck in, do you keep on going, spending thousands, the drugs, the waiting , the tests, the hope, or give up. The clinics wont stop you if techincally the next cycle might work, plus they're not going to refuse your money. I think our clinic would have continued if we pushed them until their official cut off for women reaching 46th birthday.

I remember our first cycle, we were so full of hope and then the 2nd, the 3rd, the 4th, the 5th....

I have a beautiful girl now through egg donation, worked first time. My advice would be to have your exit plan, explore other options. For us, after our 5th cycle we thought we'd adopt, its not for some couples. The egg donation was suggested by our clinic and it took a big jump for us to see this as an option. We couldn't even imagine life without her now. We're thinking of a new round for another child.

You have to grieve that as a family, you can't have a baby without IVF, then grieve you can't have a baby with IVF (and own eggs)

There are other options, including the one of letting go of being a mother like my good friend did after 3 cycles with own eggs. There's no best answer, just be very kind to yourself. I wouldn't want to wish my darkest days in IVF on anyone.

There are so many going through what you're going through, I found so much comfort with support online like Fertility Network and Fertility Friends, singles and couples who will understand exactly what you're going through. And counselling is important, only a superwoman could get through multiple cycles with no professional support, and that includes any partner going through it with you. Take care OP. xx

And best of luck also. xx