After TTC for several months DH and I had fertility testing at a private clinic and we have recently found out that DH has azoospermia. Due to some medical history I think he suspected he had a low count but didn't realise it was zero (I was vaguely aware of the history but he never mentioned any fertility concerns until we got the results). I'm completely crushed. I want to explore what our options are but due to DH's medical history he doesn't believe there is any chance of himself having viable sperm and doesn't want to have any further testing to see what might be possible. He also isn't comfortable with the idea of using donor sperm. I am devastated. We live in a different country to family and don't have a close social circle here (I see nieces, nephews, friends' kids once a year at best) so I have no meaningful relationships with children that might help me deal with the idea of a childless future. I can't stop crying and feel so hopeless about the future. I'm also 38 so don't have much time left to make these decisions. DH asked if I wanted to divorce and I don't – but I am also really struggling to come to terms with the idea of being childless.
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Azoospermia and DH doesn't want to explore options
UnluckySeaUrchin · 15/11/2022 16:21
SadKiwi · 27/11/2022 19:44
@Jadviga Thanks so much for your reply – I didn't realise that there had been more replies here hence the delay in responding!
I honestly just don't know how to feel. He doesn't want to talk about it at all and it seems to be just case closed for him, which I am really struggling to deal with. I don't want to leave, but I also don't want to be childless... and I feel like even if I did leave, I would still most likely be childless. I'm 38 and so don't have a lot of time, and don't want to rush into a relationship before I'm ready purely to have children. DH and I have been together for 12 years. I'm also feeling increasingly like this is something he may have strongly suspected but never spoken to me about, so I'm also feeling quite betrayed. He says he suspected it would be low, but not zero – but, if that's the case, then why is he so certain that a TESE would show no viable results?? I'm just so sad and feel so, so alone. I've made an appointment to speak with someone next week, so hopefully that helps.x
Hara108 · 30/05/2023 11:51
Hello @UnluckySeaUrchin
It is a very difficult situation. My wife and I went through it a number of years ago. When I was diagnosed azoospermic I could not handle the options presented and so went into avoidance mode for about a year. I came out of it after a chance encounter with a friend of a friend who was a nurse at a fertility clinic and helped me reframe the idea of donor sperm.
Regarding DH and his reluctance towards using donor sperm. For me, the insight that changed my perspective was that there would be a pregnancy, a birth and the magic that entails. The baby would be biologically half my wife and if I loved my wife, why on earth wouldn't I be overjoyed and in love with a baby... That was enough for me to get my head in the game, but I needed the time beforehand with my head in the sand to digest it.
We started IUIs with donor sperm and did 12 treatments over 2 years, which we later discovered was not great advice from the clinic. We got pregnant on the 1st and 8th attempt and both miscarried after 5 and 8 weeks respectively.
In parallel, I embarked on a natural healing journey to see if I could defy the medical world and start to create sperm cells of my own.
As my diagnosis was a condition known as maturation arrest, meaning the cells that were meant to grow to become sperm cells didn’t. They were not getting instructions from the pituitary gland to grow. My urologist (Dr Ramsay) told me it's like I have all the workers, the bricks and the cement to build a wall, I just don’t have the foreman to tell them what to do.
After a couple of years of searching, I found the healing practitioner for me. We got to work on the messaging within the body and did some gradual work over about 3 months.
I then left it all for another few months before I went to a clinic for a test.
Amazingly, there were tiny numbers of sperm seen, about 20. In total!
With this development, we decided to do IVF at the Lister Clinic in London.
After one round of IVF, the miracle happened and our son was born. The donor sperm that we had on standby in the freezer was not needed.
I hope this helps.
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