Does anyone else ever feel like they don’t deserve it?

[AsIfByMagic123]

Lately I’ve not been sure I do in truth. I’m basically a decent person but certainly nothing special. Some of the things I do which may appear nice are partly motivated by self-interest.

I’ve sometimes had some quite unpleasant thoughts about others who have got there easily. Even people who are supposed to be friends. One friend is very overdue and going to be induced this weekend. She’s worried about the baby arriving on the 13th. I’m afraid I just haven’t felt that sympathetic. Which makes me feel like it probably shouldn’t ever be my turn. I should go do something nice for others instead.

I don’t think anything I feel or say is particularly unusual under the circumstances or that other people are paragons

Of selflessness either. But still.

Hi @AsIfByMagic123 i really hear what you’re saying. I too feel the same, I wonder if my past is why I don’t deserve it or am I a bad person.

seeing ppl pregnant is so unbearable and recently I found out my partner’s brothers gf and a friend is pregnant and I can’t be happy for them. I’m incredibly angry as it seemed easy for them.

I’m currently waiting on test day (26th) our second cycle and I’m not hopeful. It’s secondary infertility, low ovarian reserve and I turned 40 on the 11 November which I didn’t celebrate.

I just feel so alone, my partner doesn’t understand why I cry so much over pregnancy announcements or the fact that I don’t think I’ll ever get past this if I am not pregnant.

I don’t think you are a bad person, I think you are protecting your heart in order to survive. The bad thoughts are just that. I hope you are ok!

Thanks so much @Liddy82 for replying. I really appreciate your words and I’m sorry that you identify so.

I’ve actually been feeling better since I posted. I’ve had moments like that for a long while now where I question whether this is some sort of punishment for me too.

I’m also waiting on test day. All the very best to you. xx

Just the fact that you replied at all actually shows that you’re obviously a good person. I’m here if you ever want to talk. xx

@AsIfByMagic123 thank you for your kind words. When is your test day? X

It’s tomorrow! How about you?

You’re not a bad person for feeling this way. And I can tell you that the world is full of “bad” people who get pregnant and “good” people that can’t. It has absolutely no bearing on whether or not you can conceive - there is no God or higher being sitting in the clouds and judging whether you deserve it this month or not. The world just doesn’t work like that.

so stop beating yourself for having very natural feelings and reactions to incredibly hard circumstances x