I’m really anxious about what to do this Christmas. We started the IVF process (to prevent passing on a genetic condition) a year ago and have only just had our application approved by the Human Fertility and Embryology Authority, it’s been the longest most painful time of my life. My partner’s family always have a lot of family gatherings, and I dread these occasions since we’ve started IVF, his cousin has announced a pregnancy and had a baby girl and his brother has also announced their pregnancy and had a baby girl. It’s been a hard journey accepting this and trying to pretend like everything is fine. I always show up to family gatherings and act fine and I love those baby girls but it just reminds you of what you’re missing out on and what you’ve wanted for so long is being dangled right in front of you. It feels like rubbing salt into the wound. Obviously there is no blame, they’re not doing anything wrong, it's just painful for me. So last christmas was tough and this one will be even harder as a whole year has gone by and it’s only made those feelings grow stronger. His whole family show up to these gatherings where the whole night is fixated on these babies and then extended family members are asking you questions like “when are you next?” or making assumptions that because you haven’t had children already you don't want them. It gets so overwhelming and I try to keep it together and then always end up suffering after I get home. I burst into tears as soon as we leave and then overthink the whole thing all night and end up crying myself to sleep. It affects me for a long time after the event is over. I know it sounds silly but the more I avoid those situations and put boundaries in place to protect myself, the better I feel.
I don’t know how to tell them I wont be able to come to the christmas gatherings. The issue is my mother in law is coming to our house for christmas dinner, I don’t drink alcohol so I’m always the designated driver, so when I go to give my mother in law a lift to my partner’s auntie’s house christmas evening we will have no excuse not to go. They don’t like taking no for an answer and I don’t like confrontation so I always give in, but I know it will be detrimental to my mental health. I can’t explain why I don’t feel comfortable going there because my partner’s family are not the most understanding of people. My partner’s mother and brother are aware we started the IVF process but haven’t mentioned it since, I’m not sure if they don’t want to talk about it incase it upsets me. I just feel they would never understand if I said I find it difficult being around the babies especially at Christmas and would think I’m being silly. My partner’s grandmother is the only one who’s acknowledged my feelings, she said to me on holiday that it must be awful hard being around these babies knowing that that’s what you really want, I told her it really is and I’m not sure if people realize that, and she said well I realize it I’ve seen the look on your face. It felt so good to be noticed and real, I pretend like I’m doing fine and then just suffer in silence out of fear people will judge me thinking I’m selfish for making it about me. It’s complicated because my partner and I always visit his brother’s baby and I feel like they would say well you’re usually fine, you’re always around your niece. They don’t see what it does to me after though. I’m probably just being overly sensitive, I just don’t know how to approach the situation? Any tips?