Will it ever happen for me? In desperate need of supportive conversation

[Hopefulone38]

I'm 38 & have been TTC for the last 4 months with my current partner, previously I was TTC with my ex husband for 4 years. We went for tests and I had a clear ultrasound not finding anything wrong & my hormone levels were good & normal. The said there was nothing wrong with me. My ex did have a slightly slower sperm count so I put it down to him and the stress we had in our relationship as to why I didnt get pregnant in those 4 years. We split just as we got our IVF approval. I also held onto the fate that it wasnt meant to be with him because he wasnt my one. Now I've 100% found my one, we're so happy and I've been off my pill for 4 cycles. I've just started my period again this morning & I'm starting to think that I'm never going to be a mum. I'm 38 now & scared that I'm getting too old & will hit menopause or something soon. I just want some good news stories, or support from people who understand this month on month grief cycle where you feel like every show on day one signifies the loss of something you are so desperately hoping for.

Wish you strength and luck.

Have you considered having further fertility investigations or IVF?

It's very hard and heart breaking. I am 39 and currently going through IVF and seem to be no where nearer as my body keeps failing on me. I have got to the point where I am convince it is never going to happen so what is the point in carry it on.

Have you had any tests done? We know that my partner has low motility, which is why we are having IVF. They are now requesting I go for further tests and biopsy's as my uterus lining isn't playing ball (basically will not get thick enough).

I'm with you on that one. I am losing hope now so much so that I can't bring myself to contemplate IVF because I can't see it happening for me any more & I'm worried about the cost. If I've been cleared of tests with my first partner 4 years ago & he had low mobility I thought it was him, but now it's this far in with my second partner I'm wondering if actually it's me & I need my uterus lining tested? Or is it just not meant to be for me?

Do you feel being 39 people cast you aside & put the age bomb on your head? I do, people always say "better hurry up!" and that hurts even more doesnt it!

Yes I get it all the time now. It drives me mad as I just want to scream at them and say I would love a child but we are infertile, but I just snap and say that it's a rude question and none of their business.

I tried with my ex for ages too and it never happened, so def something wrong with me. I am about to try my 4th attempt at a frozen transfer as there is a wait for the testing. Not sure where you are based, but I get IVF on the NHS in UK, the funding will run out on my 40th birthday, so I am freaking out I won't be able to get another egg collection in - I am entitled to 3, but there is def no time for that.

Has your current partner been tested to?

4 months isn't a long time to ttc, if we assume previous issues lay with your ex. Healthy couples take up to 2 years to fall pregnant (most do in the first year, I think it was 87% ?)

I would keep ttc naturally but also start investigations in parallel. Tests don't cost as much as ivf, I don't think. An issue may be picked up that's easy to fix, or not, but at least you'll know what your options are.

At 38 you still have a bit of time, don't waste it. Start with a spermogramme for him and bloods for you, and maybe a private consult with a gynae.

At 38 you should be eligible to start NHS tests after six months trying.